Emerging Buddhist, I actually find your post to be probably the most helpful, or one of them. The issue is far more than him just refusing to go to church, although that is very important to me. I don't even know if he believes anymore and I think that is why he refuses to go. It's nothing the church did. He won't do anything related to the faith anymore and flat out refuses to go to church and when I ask to do something at home, he says "Doubt it." I don't know what is wrong with him. But then again, it's not like things are great with us, which he thinks absolutely necessary to make sure I remember, which is why he won't say "I love you." So I don't even know what the biggest problem in our marriage is, but there are a lot. It's just so exhausting and depressing and part of me can't wait to start marriage counseling Tuesday and part of me is scared that it won't fix the problems and will only force us to talk about highly upsetting things.
But also, I do not appreciate the theological debates in previous comments. That was not the point of my post. And to the person who told me to "stop whining," if you're not going to help and are only going to be rude, you have no place here. I don't know why you decided to comment on my post. You don't just "change" something like this. Either you're saved or not. That doesn't change. And it matters because, as I said, my faith is a HUGE part of my life and I never would have dated or married him if he had said he wasn't a Christian when I met him. So the fact that he's now moving towards rejecting it is a HUGE deal to me. I plan on raising kids with this man and having one Christian parent and one nonChristian parent isn't going to work for anyone. And he has ALWAYS known how important this was to me because I told him from the start.
What I see as the issue, and I don't actually know, but am willing to guess, is there is no communication in your marriage. What little there is, is terribly disrespectful and filled with covert contracts on both sides.
Neither one of you trusts the other. You can't open up on an anonymous forum. Yeah, I know it's tough, even for those who have learned how to open up and take the chance that their feelings will not be stepped on.
No questions were answered. You haven't revealed much more than he won't do as you ask. Guess what? If he is a believer, he should be telling you what to do. You should be following all that is in line with the bible's teachings on married couples.
Now, I know he has moved away from his beliefs, or so it seems. Guess what? You don't even know that. You haven't talked with him, or haven't posted what was said or that you did.
You ask for help with what?
My guess is that you want some support.
I'm going to give it to you.
You are correct! He is wrong for treating you as he does. Not saying I love you is rotten and hurtful. Why would anyone want to follow a man that does not love them. It would be so frightening since you have no clue if he is leading you to destruction.
At the same time, telling him what to do and complaining about how he acts will not help him see the light. They will strengthen his resolve.
You absolutely need the counseling for your marriage. And, yes, they will expect you to open up as you have stated you are concerned about in your post, or they are not worth their weight in salt.
You've got a long struggle ahead. Please consider your thoughts.
I'll give you the benefit of doubt and believe you...for now.
For some reason my troldar screen is blinking.