Do you go to church with your partner/spouse? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 01:33 PM Thread Starter
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Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

I've been seeing a guy now for a few months, and we are exclusive. He was a friend for a few years, and we started dating shortly after my engagement ended. He is a moderate Christian, but he wants to become more devoted to God in his everyday life, and we have been going to church together for a few weekends. Today we went to a non-denominational type of service, and it was awesome. It was so great to see other couples there, who are just dating like us, interested in becoming stronger in their faith.

Because I'm a Christian, I'd like my husband to be someday, to be the spiritual head of household, and to be strong in the faith. My boyfriend wants this too, he is very traditional, as he was raised in a traditional home, but he also wants us to make decisions together. (We are discussing marriage, but not rushing lol) He views the role of a husband to not control the wife, but to be partners together in God. I love that.

So, just wondering who here attends church together with their partner/spouse?

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post #2 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 01:51 PM
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Cool Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

When I was married, we attended church together!

First marriage, my W was a Baptist, but joined my faith as a United Methodist. We attended together up until the time she started "fooling around" at work! Then it was me taking the boys to church!

A few years following my D, I met my RSXW, a devout Lutheran, and they made me decommit from my Methodist faith and adhere to hers! I didn't really like it as Lutheranism was far to liturgical for an old fart like me! I was more in agreement with John Wesley's teachings and beliefs.

As my RSXW's pants went down, so did my faith in the Lutheran Church, and upon separation, I came "back home" to Methodism!

My faith and love of God multiplied forty fold, and that's where I am today!

As a rather strange anecdote, when my RSXW remarried, she joined her new hubby's(he's not one of the of the ones she cheated with)church, which coincidentally is the United Methodist Church!

Thank God that they attend off in another town!

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Last edited by arbitrator; 09-04-2016 at 01:55 PM.
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post #3 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 03:07 PM
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

We're more into Sunday brunch.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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post #4 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 03:44 PM
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

I'm Roman Catholic(I know, yuck) and I didn't have a choice in that. My first wife was also. She dodged church every chance she got. I loved or at least got something out of it along with it being a family tradition I wanted to keep. I never did. Partly because I married the wrong woman and partly because I was not convicted to my goals.

My daughter attended a few years of grade school at our parish school. It was expensive and I couldn't make enough no matter how much I worked. Our son never attended at a Catholic grade school. He knows little about it.

They are all ... Presbyterian? Not sure to tell the truth.

My second wife grew up going to a Presbyterian church. She later changed to Baptist.

I fell away and went back again and again until I was treated harshly about twenty years ago. That was the last time I cared. I gave it all I had from being an altar boy and serving mass on week days during summer vacations from grade school, to volunteering to decorate the church and help with the food bank. I even did some remodeling there, for free.

My second wife and I never attended anything that I can remember. Neither of us cared or just didn't talk about it.

After we broke up, I started going to some non denom services. I liked them too, just like you. I felt more welcome. I helped out folks less fortunate while I was there, by going to their homes and washing or painting things...if I remember correctly.

Well, I did not like the ideas of the preacher as much as I thought, once I was there a while and started listening.

I never did go to another after that, but kept reading the bible and researching for a few years. I still do that from time to time. It's comforting.

My opinion is that you can't know when or if your husband will be exactly what you want, ever. You can only hope and support the decisions he makes that align with your hopes. From there, you compromise until you get close to breaking boundaries. You take serious action when it starts getting close. You definitely let him know what you want before and during marriage. Make it well know to him that you will only do certain things and what your goals are.

Ask him questions. Don't believe everything he says. He loves you and will tell you partly what he wants to do, but not only what he really believes if he was alone, or what he knows he is likely to do. Well, that's my opinion. I can't know what he will think or do. I've just seen it so often, I'm a bit wary when I think some young woman or man will believe through love goggles. I don't want anyone to be blindsided.

I wish I felt differently. Life changes us. Sometimes we are changed for the better and sometimes for the worse.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #5 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 05:05 PM
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

I go to church with ny wife. Eastern rite.

if it's really important to you (and I assume it is), you need to discern that he's a true believer grounded in the faith, so you don't find yourself down the line unequally yoked before you tie that knot.
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post #6 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 05:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
When I was married, we attended church together!

First marriage, my W was a Baptist, but joined my faith as a United Methodist. We attended together up until the time she started "fooling around" at work! Then it was me taking the boys to church!

A few years following my D, I met my RSXW, a devout Lutheran, and they made me decommit from my Methodist faith and adhere to hers! I didn't really like it as Lutheranism was far to liturgical for an old fart like me! I was more in agreement with John Wesley's teachings and beliefs.

As my RSXW's pants went down, so did my faith in the Lutheran Church, and upon separation, I came "back home" to Methodism!

My faith and love of God multiplied forty fold, and that's where I am today!

As a rather strange anecdote, when my RSXW remarried, she joined her new hubby's(he's not one of the of the ones she cheated with)church, which coincidentally is the United Methodist Church!

Thank God that they attend off in another town!

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I'm so happy you found a home that you feel good about I have heard that in marriage, some spouses take on whatever the faith of the other is, in some cases it works, in others, it might not. If this guy I'm dating is ''the one,'' I'm hopeful we're on the same page. I don't know all that much about the Methodism, I grew up Catholic, left it for a time and identified as an atheist, and came back to Christianity last year, but now follow a more non-denom approach to worship.
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post #7 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 05:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
I'm Roman Catholic(I know, yuck) and I didn't have a choice in that. My first wife was also. She dodged church every chance she got. I loved or at least got something out of it along with it being a family tradition I wanted to keep. I never did. Partly because I married the wrong woman and partly because I was not convicted to my goals.

My daughter attended a few years of grade school at our parish school. It was expensive and I couldn't make enough no matter how much I worked. Our son never attended at a Catholic grade school. He knows little about it.

They are all ... Presbyterian? Not sure to tell the truth.

My second wife grew up going to a Presbyterian church. She later changed to Baptist.

I fell away and went back again and again until I was treated harshly about twenty years ago. That was the last time I cared. I gave it all I had from being an altar boy and serving mass on week days during summer vacations from grade school, to volunteering to decorate the church and help with the food bank. I even did some remodeling there, for free.

My second wife and I never attended anything that I can remember. Neither of us cared or just didn't talk about it.

After we broke up, I started going to some non denom services. I liked them too, just like you. I felt more welcome. I helped out folks less fortunate while I was there, by going to their homes and washing or painting things...if I remember correctly.

Well, I did not like the ideas of the preacher as much as I thought, once I was there a while and started listening.

I never did go to another after that, but kept reading the bible and researching for a few years. I still do that from time to time. It's comforting.

My opinion is that you can't know when or if your husband will be exactly what you want, ever. You can only hope and support the decisions he makes that align with your hopes. From there, you compromise until you get close to breaking boundaries. You take serious action when it starts getting close. You definitely let him know what you want before and during marriage. Make it well know to him that you will only do certain things and what your goals are.

Ask him questions. Don't believe everything he says. He loves you and will tell you partly what he wants to do, but not only what he really believes if he was alone, or what he knows he is likely to do. Well, that's my opinion. I can't know what he will think or do. I've just seen it so often, I'm a bit wary when I think some young woman or man will believe through love goggles. I don't want anyone to be blindsided.

I wish I felt differently. Life changes us. Sometimes we are changed for the better and sometimes for the worse.
Thank you for sharing this

I grew up Catholic but about 4 years ago, left the faith and became indifferent to it all, I'd say I identified as an atheist then. It was a scary time, but I just felt indifferent. I came back to faith last year, and was born again, so to speak. Like you say, the non denom churches seem very welcoming. Not that Catholics are not, my parents are Catholic and there are great Catholics in the church, but there was always a somber feeling, and not enough joy and smiling faces. I feel that one's faith should be a source of joy and peace, not just reverence and somberness. I hear what you're saying about my bf. We were friends for a few years before dating, he was my friend when I was engaged, but when I say 'friend,' not like a best friend. But trust has been built before we started dating, but I hear you. So, are you not married anymore, you were married twice? I don't mean to pry I'm just asking.
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post #8 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 05:51 PM
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Cool Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
I'm so happy you found a home that you feel good about I have heard that in marriage, some spouses take on whatever the faith of the other is, in some cases it works, in others, it might not. If this guy I'm dating is ''the one,'' I'm hopeful we're on the same page. I don't know all that much about the Methodism, I grew up Catholic, left it for a time and identified as an atheist, and came back to Christianity last year, but now follow a more non-denom approach to worship.
Don't know where you are physically situated, @*Deidre* ~ but Google either John Wesley or the United Methodist Church! You can find out plenty there, or if you have questions, PM me and I'll be thrilled to answer any questions that you might have!

Regardless, make sure that you and your BF are on the same page, even if it means that the two of you are more attuned to a faith that neither of you presently belong to!

The best example that I can cite is my beloved boss. When he met his wide almost 50 years ago, He was a Missouri Synod Lutheran and his wife was a member of the Church of Christ. Neither could stand the others faith, so they compromised and thank God they chose the United Methodist Church, having been there together ever since!

Pray about it, visit as many churches as you can, and come to a decision that is preeminently the correct one for the both of you!

And you'll know and sense a feeling of "rightness!" Because your heart will tell you so, and I'd like to think that that's simply God talking to you!

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Last edited by arbitrator; 09-04-2016 at 06:02 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #9 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 05:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

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Originally Posted by jorgegene View Post
I go to church with ny wife. Eastern rite.

if it's really important to you (and I assume it is), you need to discern that he's a true believer grounded in the faith, so you don't find yourself down the line unequally yoked before you tie that knot.
I agree, but I try to be open minded to all approaches. But, in marriage, things can change, especially when it comes to how to raise kids.

So you say you go to church, do you believe what your wife does, or do you attend to just support her in her faith?
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post #10 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 06:05 PM
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

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Thank you for sharing this

I grew up Catholic but about 4 years ago, left the faith and became indifferent to it all, I'd say I identified as an atheist then. It was a scary time, but I just felt indifferent. I came back to faith last year, and was born again, so to speak. Like you say, the non denom churches seem very welcoming. Not that Catholics are not, my parents are Catholic and there are great Catholics in the church, but there was always a somber feeling, and not enough joy and smiling faces. I feel that one's faith should be a source of joy and peace, not just reverence and somberness. I hear what you're saying about my bf. We were friends for a few years before dating, he was my friend when I was engaged, but when I say 'friend,' not like a best friend. But trust has been built before we started dating, but I hear you. So, are you not married anymore, you were married twice? I don't mean to pry I'm just asking.
My biggest issue is not being able to receive the sacraments. I do think those help immensely. I suppose I could, but I'd have to go back to what you describe so well there. Somber, sad, guilt ridden, flagellated congregations, no real sense of welcome or push to have good fun and happiness.

ps.: The Gospel = Good News! Isn't that ironic?! ee.

In my search, the closest I could find to the original teachings of the apostles is the Eastern Orthodox church. I read online manuscripts from the first and second centuries.

But, I've been to the EOC for weddings, funerals, Sunday mass, and Easter masses. I don't know that it's the buildings, so much as the church(read congregation) that drives me away.

Anyway, no, I am not married. I have not been since 2012. I haven't dated or been with anyone in any way since just before my then wife left, and it was with her.

Here is a little from that time.

I don't understand...


I still have some issues. I'm working on them. I come here to learn from you! just kidding No, not you specifically, but you have taught me a few things with your posts. Others, many others have also. And, I want to share my cynical views so others aren't nave about what could happen. I hope they take marriage very seriously.


"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."

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post #11 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 06:07 PM
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
I agree, but I try to be open minded to all approaches. But, in marriage, things can change, especially when it comes to how to raise kids.

So you say you go to church, do you believe what your wife does, or do you attend to just support her in her faith?
As a married, committed couple, you attend Church to stir your inner soul and to support each other emotionally as well as spiritually!

And later on when you are blessed with kids, you extend that spirituality to them, to give them something that they can see in the both of you !

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post #12 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 06:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

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Don't know where you are physically situated, @*Deidre* ~ but Google either John Wesley or the United Methodist Church! You can find out plenty there, or if you have questions, PM me and I'll be thrilled to answer any questions that you might have!

Regardless, make sure that you and your BF are on the same page, even if it means that the two of you are more attuned to a faith that neither of you presently belong to!

The best example that I can cite is my beloved boss. When he met his wide almost 50 years ago, He was a Missouri Synod Lutheran and his wife was a member of the Church of Christ. Neither could stand the others faith, so they compromised and thank God they chose the United Methodist Church, having been there together ever since!

Pray about it, visit as many churches as you can, and come to a decision that is preeminently the correct one for the both of you!

And you'll know and sense a feeling of "rightness!" Because your heart will tell you so, and I'd like to think that that's simply God talking to you!

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This is so true, and perhaps I will pm you. I don't keep my pm's open on here, but maybe I'll write to you with some questions.

The pastor today talked about the passage about ''hating your brother, sister, mother'' in order to follow Jesus. And it doesn't mean to hate them, but it means to not let anyone cause you to stumble in your faith. To not let your parents, your spouse, sibling, etc...cause you to lose your faith. In other words, anything can become an idol, and we shouldn't worship our marriages. I believe that if both the husband and wife are followers of God, then He comes first, and the marriage comes second, and the marriage should be good because of this. As a believer, I think this. That said, many people become consumed with their marriages, degrading themselves, and doing things to keep their marriages, forgetting that God isn't really pleased with how they're going about it. I don't think all marriages should be saved, nor can be saved. Many people who are believers, leave God out of the equation completely, they don't invite Him into discerning over choosing the right spouse, and I think that is a huge problem facing Christians today, when it comes to marriage. Evangelical Christians have the highest divorce date.
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post #13 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 07:07 PM
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

Yes we attend together. We both see it as important that we attend together and both have a strong active faith.

Your future marriage and your faith will become bound together somewhat. Both change, either for better or worse, better when both partners are working together. It is possible to grow your faith without your partner growing with you, just like it is possible for one partner to keep a marriage going, but it is harder.

Denominations are important, what you believe matters; but people are vital, you grow by serving and helping each other. Find a congregation that you can grow in, not a denomination.

"Life wasn't meant to be easy;
but take heart, parts of it can be delightful."
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post #14 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 09:13 PM
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

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I agree, but I try to be open minded to all approaches. But, in marriage, things can change, especially when it comes to how to raise kids.

So you say you go to church, do you believe what your wife does, or do you attend to just support her in her faith?
We're both equally committed.

Personally, I've been all over the place.
Baptist, roman catholic, eastern, and in between.

I 'm one of thoses who refuse to believe the differences are large enough to keep us from all being christian.
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post #15 of 33 (permalink) Old 09-04-2016, 09:26 PM
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Re: Do you go to church with your partner/spouse?

Be careful that he's not just doing this to earn brownie points from you. It's so easy to pass oneself off as a good Christian, anybody can do it. Then later on in the marriage, you find that they were faking it all along and have this addiction or that addiction. It takes years of work and private commitment to be able to call down the power of heaven. I like @SimplyAmorous' approach to finding her husband.
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