I'm sorry you feel your prospects are so bleak, @bandit.45
. If you had a good relationship with a woman, do you believe you would feel differently?
I empathize with your bleak outlook considering you believe you will not have enough $ to retire much less pay your health bills, while your body is showing signs of aging, and it will only get worse.
I hope you do not commit suicide. You are a valuable person to mankind, and to God. You make me laugh here, I appreciate your clear headed posts. I'm sure many, many other people feel the same way about you.
Regarding whether a person will go to heaven if they commit suicide. I don't know. God knows our emotional pain, and I believe he understands that it can become too much for some. Lately, however, I've realized I haven't fully understood the role Jesus played when he came, died and resurrected. He knew what was coming. As a man, he cried and begged God to let the cup (of a torturous death) pass from him. He could have committed suicide that night, and save himself a lot of pain, but he didn't.
He knows how we feel, he felt it and worse.
God bought you with a price: God gave his own life for all your transgressions (when he took the form of man, "Jesus") That is how much God loves you! 1 Corinthians 6:20
I don't know if killing oneself constitutes murder, but even murder doesn't condemn one to hell, if one is repentant, in great pain and has accepted God's sacrifice for our own sins.
Can you find a church of like minded people, and develop some deeper relationships there? Serve somehow? Serving others, by giving your time, labor, prayers, consideration, is a good way to get the mind off one's own problems.
I know I didn't give you the "Yes" or "No" answer you were hoping for, but I hope I gave you some food for thought. I will keep you in my prayers.