However, one thing which has continued to bother me through our whole relationship is her previous relationships. When I've asked her about the number of men she has slept with, she says she is unsure and dodges the question. This leads me to believe it is much higher than my number. It seems like over the 2.5 years we have been dating, I continue to find out more stories about her previous relationships. I even found out that she used to maintain an online dating profile (before we were together). I am 100% confident that she always has been and always will be faithful, but I find it difficult to give a blanket forgiveness for past relationships that I might not even know about.
I am not sure the proper term here is forgiveness ....but ACCEPTANCE
for her past. There really is nothing to "forgive" ,as she did not sin against YOU, after all you had other partners also. Many times
others judge on another's past and it suddenly shades how they Look at them.
I think there are 2 types of people. Some can be quite happy and content never learning of their spouses past sexual history and their marraiges are just fine without this ever being discussed... like Tacoma.
I am not this type, however.... I would WANT to know , and I wouldn't want belittled for asking , told some secrets are best kept or dodged, that wouldn't be working for me
. I am all for full Transparency
in a marriage, I couldn't be with someone not willing to share their past with me, as I feel this is a part of who we are, it molds & it shapes us.....the good, as well as the BAD, the ugly (we all have sins!), even regrets (we all do stupid things), pain, happiness, triumphs, all of it. For me.....it is the WILLINGNESS to let me in, share his soul
. I am very blessed as my husband feels the same & counts it a plus that I am this way also.
But 1st be very careful....ask yourself... do you really want to know?? Can you handle it , or will it cause insecurties to rise and judgements to rise that you will struggle to overcome?
Many people have a threshold of "acceptance".
Most people say they want to know, then the Sh** hits the fan, they are destroyed by what their Lover said !!...... This is no good !! When others feel this, they continue to hold back, they fear being THAT honest , giving into that type of vulnerability.
You must search your own heart here, if you still want to know, she , at the very least, needs to feel "safe" in your arms.... she will not want you bringing her past into the future. BUt then again, she may not be the type who feels this is necessary at all & resent being asked.
Here is an excellent article- about this subject, maybe you can read it together... Living a High Definition, Transparent Marriage - Focus on the Family