My husband is in a cult.
Greetings to all,
This is my first post here, please forgive me skipping introducing myself first and the length of my post.
I need some advice.
My husband (is) and I were hebrew israelites, a small sect of strict jews of african american decent (all though I am white) that have a small community in Israel and satellite communities abroad in the states, Africa, Europe and the Caribbean. We were intimately involved in this group until '07, when we moved out on our own, in preparation to move to Israel permanently to be closer to the community there.
To make a long story short, living away from this community has been good for me (and us) and I have been evolving spiritually away from many of the tenants and doctrine of the belief system. Also, this summer I found out some very disturbing info about all kinds of abuse, child abuse and covering it up, abuses of power by leadership etc.. and it just turned me off completely to the idea of moving to Israel and even being in the community (cult) at all.
I shared this info with my husband, knowing what his response would be, knowing that I can't stand to be in the community and remain 100% committed to it (I wouldn't admit it was a cult until about a month ago).
But his response has been this: Israel is his final destination, with or without me, I knew that was the plan when we married, and he is still a strong believer in the doctrine and feels he can "help" these awful situations.
We have been having ongoing discussions about the community, our relationship, our plans, etc...since June. we ended up in our last conversation where I stated that "by the scriptures that he believes in, it says nothing can come in between 2 people the creator has brought together (not even a faulty belief system IMHO)" and that he needs to take a trip to Israel to see for himself what is going on and if he comes back and still wants to move there 100% then I will let him go and we will part ways. But I made it clear that I din't want to give up so easily and I know he doesn't either.
My dilemma is that; new spiritual differences withstanding, we have a really great relationship. We have been married 7 years, and we are best friends, we are a good team we work well together, great sex (although we have had issues with infertility...another issue/post all together), we laugh, we balance each other out, learn from each other, our families love us together, he is super supportive, he is super affectionate and gentle. He has a heart of gold, except when it comes to his attachment to this group (and I'll give him; his faith).
The situation is just so confusing to me, because I am scared one day he will just up and leave me behind because I don't want to live in Israel any more, in fact I want to move back closer to my family (which he refuses to even consider). But it may pan out that he doesn't ever muster the effort to actually go (especially with out my help..lol) but he would never actually make the decision not to, so we end up living in a limbo type scenario.....which I don't know if I can live like that.
I have considered just giving up and leaving and chalking it up to us moving in 2 different directions (which we are at this point). I have considered waiting it out and seeing if he changes his mind. I have considered waiting until he doesn't change his mind and leaves me. And no scenario is appealing to me at all. How long do you wait and see if someone will have a change of heart?
Thanks in advance.