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post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 10:47 AM
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Re: Church

Honor thy father and thy mother. I think that's how it goes? Been so long.

So then, how many here would be acting against this? I suppose those of you who are not at all familiar with certain religious beliefs and or have little to no respect for parents?

Maybe you would say they aren't your parents?

Too bad you didn't consider her beliefs and desires important, before you got married, TnT. I'm sorry you are going through this. The way I see it, she will always have a hole in her heart where this is concerned, that you can never fill. Sadly, if she loves you, she will only attempt to persuade you to go until she gives up, because that little piece of her heart is broken forever.


"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:05 AM
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Re: Church

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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf;17066394
[B
Too bad you didn't consider her beliefs and desires important, before you got married, TnT. [/B] I'm sorry you are going through this. The way I see it, she will always have a hole in her heart where this is concerned, that you can never fill. Sadly, if she loves you, she will only attempt to persuade you to go until she gives up, because that little piece of her heart is broken forever.


That's true, 2ntnuf; but it doesn't seem like the wife gave due consideration to the fact that her husband wasn't religious before they got married.


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Although, i am not a really religious i recently went to church with my wife about 8 mths ago+/- and I go off and on mostly to support my wife.
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post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:12 AM
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Re: Church

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Too bad you didn't consider her beliefs and desires important, before you got married, TnT.
It's too bad SHE didn't consider his (lack of) beliefs and desires important, before they got married.
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post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:14 AM
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Re: Church

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That's true, 2ntnuf; but it doesn't seem like the wife gave due consideration to the fact that her husband wasn't religious before they got married.
She isn't the one here complaining. Nor, would a religious woman think that a man asking her to marry would be so out of touch with who she is, he would care too little to pay attention to her actions. I suppose I am making the assumption that she went to church regularly while they were dating, just as you are making the assumption that she isn't intelligent? Rather than, she might be following her beliefs and trusting in the man she will be trusting(or maybe that's have to trust) the rest of her life?

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:18 AM
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Re: Church

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She isn't the one here complaining. Nor, would a religious woman think that a man asking her to marry would be so out of touch with who she is, he would care too little to pay attention to her actions. I suppose I am making the assumption that she went to church regularly while they were dating, just as you are making the assumption that she isn't intelligent? Rather than, she might be following her beliefs and trusting in the man she will be trusting(or maybe that's have to trust) the rest of her life?
I didn't assume she wasn't intelligent?? I don't think she paid enough attention to her fiance/husband's level of religious interest. Love will do that to you.


When you trust someone; that's on you. Whether they honor that trust or not is on them. Sad but true.
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post #21 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:29 AM
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Re: Church

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I didn't assume she wasn't intelligent??

That's true.

I don't think she paid enough attention to her fiance/husband's level of religious interest. Love will do that to you.

Infatuation will do that, not love.

When you trust someone; that's on you. Whether they honor that trust or not is on them. Sad but true.

Trust is earned. So, there must have been some reason for the trust she gave. Bait and switch, I don't know. Probably a combination of some of that and some infatuation.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #22 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 12:01 PM
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Re: Church

This is getting counterproductive.
OP your wife loves you and she is happy when you go to church with her. Although she knew that you weren't religious, you gave her a sliver of hope by going to church with her every once in a while. Here are your options. 1. Go to church with her because it makes her happy. 2. Sit her down and tell her that church is not your thing, and you would appreciate it if she stopped pressuring you to go. And that she needs to respect your decision not to go.
3. Tell her #2, but tell her that you will be happy to go with her every once in a while when you want to but you will decide when you want to go and she shouldn't pressure you.
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post #23 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 12:04 PM
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Re: Church

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This is getting counterproductive.
OP your wife loves you and she is happy when you go to church with her. Although she knew that you weren't religious, you gave her a sliver of hope by going to church with her every once in a while. Here are your options. 1. Go to church with her because it makes her happy. 2. Sit her down and tell her that church is not your thing, and you would appreciate it if she stopped pressuring you to go. And that she needs to respect your decision not to go.
3. Tell her #2, but tell her that you will be happy to go with her every once in a while when you want to but you will decide when you want to go and she shouldn't pressure you.
4. She denounces her religion and god and becomes an athiest and you can spend your Sunday mornings doing something really fun.
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post #24 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 12:09 PM
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Re: Church

5. You knew I wasn't interested in your religion when we married. And, I never will be.

6. I'd hoped you would relinquish your beliefs after we were married for a little while. Our marriage would be so much simpler, if you would.

7. I will never convert to your religion. I will not attend any services or family gatherings related to your religious beliefs, without feeling awkward to say the least, and resentful. That resentment may well build over our lives and cause issues as we attempt to deal with life's worries, troubles and the growth and development of our children.

8. I love you, but I don't want to put you through all of that for me. So, we need to talk this out with a counselor from church and one from the secular world. I don't see any other way we can both feel represented, and I don't want you to feel forced to do anything. I care too much for you.

9. What do you think?

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."

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post #25 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 12:11 PM
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Re: Church

10. It's disrespectful, unfair, and overstepping to try to get your significant other to follow your beliefs that they don't agree with.


Last edited by browser; 12-17-2016 at 12:20 PM.
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post #26 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 12:23 PM
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Re: Church

I think most people of religion don't realize how uncomfortable it is for us atheists to sit in a religious institution and listen to all the claptrap being spewed there and being eaten up like it's going out of style by people who seem to be out of their freaking minds.

That's how I felt when I was at a funeral and there was a religious service and the people, some of whom I knew fairly well (but I had never seen them during a religious ceremony), were crossing themselves and bowing their heads and saying hail Marys and Amens and praising God, and I felt like I was in a bad movie where people were being converted to zombies or aliens and I was the only one left to save the world.
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post #27 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 01:04 PM
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Re: Church

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10. It's disrespectful, unfair, and overstepping to try to get your significant other to follow your beliefs that they don't agree with.


You are stretching. Why are you making her out to be this monster? Your putting negative ideas in the OP head about his wife, how is this going to help him? You have so much animosity over this topic.

He went to church with her before. She is not forcing him to believe anything, she wants him to go to church with her again bc she liked it. Geez. She is not a terrible person. That is his wife who he loves.
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post #28 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 01:21 PM
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Re: Church

You could just be generous and do this with her, since it is so important to her. Is she a good wife to you? An hour once a week does not seem like all that much to show your wife that her needs are important to you.

You don't mention that you are somehow ideologically offended by the services. Your main argument seems to be the childish assertion, "why do I hafta if she don't hafta?"

Do you know where marriages end up when spouses only participate in the things THEY want? Yeah, you do.
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post #29 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 01:29 PM
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Re: Church

Just gently let her know that church doesn't do anything for you but you still go because it's important to her, and that you do it because you love her. Consider that hour or so an investment in your marriage. Flirt with her on the way to church and afterward on the way home.
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post #30 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 01:55 PM
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Re: Church

OP,

How religious were you when your wife and you first met and were dating?

I'm trying to figure out if you bait-and-switched her, "oh yeah, I believe in God, uh-huh"; and you played the role of pew-warmer because you were physically attracted to her and you wanted to get married.

Or, [be honest] did your wife ignore the signals that you obviously weren't interested in church? You reluctantly attended services with her; and told her "I'm not really into this". Yet because she wanted to get married; she brushed that over.


If you do decide to go; just do it occasionally. And she should occasionally do something with you instead of going to church on Sunday.

I think her mom going with her is a great idea.
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