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post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 04:44 AM Thread Starter
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Church

Although, i am not a really religious i recently went to church with my wife about 8 mths ago+/- and I go off and on mostly to support my wife. My wife's mom lives with us and according to my wife she "used" to go to quite often when they were younger. Now my wife gets mad with me if I don't want to go to church and harps on me about it. Yet, never pushes her mom to go. As I stated I'm not religious, but I believe if she pressuring me to go, her mom should get the same treatment, seeing as how she introduced her to church now no longer goes. Am I wrong for asking my wife why doesn't her mother go, when she pressures me to go? I think she should go anyway if that's what she wants to do. It's like her going to church is dependent upon me going, that's wrong.

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post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 05:15 AM
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Re: Church

The church that I used to go to made it very clear that spouses should also attend and put pressure on those that turned up on their own. My father is an atheist and has never gone to church with my mother and she never really felt like a 'proper' Christian family. Someone in church once started a rumour that she was a single parent which upset her deeply at a time when there was a great deal of shame around being divorced.

For me, I married into a very religious family where there is a rule that you have to go to church every week without exception. It was a shock and irritation for me as I only ever wanted to attend occasionally and when I got the Monday morning calls demanding an explanation for my absence I found myself lying outrageously - which I concluded wasn't very 'Christian'. I worked it out that I just couldn't live my life like that and stopped going altogether.

You are an adult not a child - if you want to go - go, if you don't - don't. That is my advice.
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post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 07:58 AM
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Re: Church

I think it's less about church and more about wanting quality time with you.


If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

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post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 08:34 AM
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Originally Posted by TriednTired View Post
Although, i am not a really religious i recently went to church with my wife about 8 mths ago+/- and I go off and on mostly to support my wife. My wife's mom lives with us and according to my wife she "used" to go to quite often when they were younger. Now my wife gets mad with me if I don't want to go to church and harps on me about it. Yet, never pushes her mom to go. As I stated I'm not religious, but I believe if she pressuring me to go, her mom should get the same treatment, seeing as how she introduced her to church now no longer goes. Am I wrong for asking my wife why doesn't her mother go, when she pressures me to go? I think she should go anyway if that's what she wants to do. It's like her going to church is dependent upon me going, that's wrong.
How about because your wife ain't married to her mother?
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post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 08:49 AM
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Re: Church

It's not your thing, so don't go, and make it clear that you won't be going ever again. Eventually she will stop harping on it - she's only doing so because you did occasionally in the past. Suggest she take her mother, but her mother isn't relevant to this, so don't try to make it so. Do other things together, where the two of you interact with each other. That's what quality time really is.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 08:54 AM
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Re: Church

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I think it's less about church and more about wanting quality time with you.
You're right. That is probably exactly why she pressurises him and gets angry. However, if he doesn't enjoy being there it will not equate to quality time and eventually he will feel resentful. In the same way my husband likes to visit old abandoned railway lines on a Sunday morning, this would not be my ideal way of spending quality time though I am sure he would like the company.

What OP could try doing is saying he will meet her after church and they can do something together that they both like doing. Or maybe he could join in a church social event that isn't quite so religious.
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post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 04:35 PM
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Re: Church

My husband never cared about church, could take it or leave it.. we did make some good friends there over the years though.. that branched into our lives outside church doors..

Looking back, I am thankful he went with me every opportunity he could.. I/ we no longer go unless our oldest is playing in the worship line up these days...sometimes I just miss the fellowship though...

If you are feeling resentful about it (seething inside, hating every minute of it).. you shouldn't be going.. this will only hurt your relationship long haul...I know I wouldn't want to bring someone who felt like this.. does she realize how you are feeling....that you dread it, can't wait to leave.. that basically it's just for "show".. that you get absolutely nothing out of the experience?

Has she ever asked you how you feel...do you make remarks to give her a hint.. how does she respond ? Are their any pluses to attending.. have you made some friends there?
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post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 06:01 PM
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Re: Church

Maybe she takes her religion seriously, she loves you, and she is concerned about where you stand with God.

I don't know what kind of church she attends or what her religion is; I've discovered that even among the Christian religion, there are so many different beliefs and customs among them. I realize that church is a benign social gathering for some churches; it resembles a lot of other social gathering one might have in the community; they have dinner, activities, and so on, but Jesus is the topic as opposed to something else.

Some people, however, take serving God very seriously, and there is the issue of what happens after death. If she feels she must make an effort to have favor with God, she must be concerned if you do not. I would think that wanting only good things for those we love is a normal feeling. After all, just because someone chooses not to attend church or put God first in their life, that doesn't give them a pass in the heart of the believers, especially if it is someone they love and care about.

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post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 01:40 AM
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Thumbs down Re: Church

Quote:
Originally Posted by TriednTired View Post
Although, i am not a really religious i recently went to church with my wife about 8 mths ago+/- and I go off and on mostly to support my wife. My wife's mom lives with us and according to my wife she "used" to go to quite often when they were younger. Now my wife gets mad with me if I don't want to go to church and harps on me about it.
My late wife and I were best friend and would have NEVER become angry if we did not do this or that together so I am not sympathetic to a spouse getting angry with their partner over such silliness as going to church or not. It's both childish and INEXCUSABLE to pressure your best friend into ANYTHING! IMO, many "religious" folks are like Alcoholics who insist that you DRINK WITH THEM so they can feel VALIDATED & OK!
Yet, never pushes her mom to go. As I stated I'm not religious, but I believe if she pressuring me to go, her mom should get the same treatment, seeing as how she introduced her to church now no longer goes. Am I wrong for asking my wife why doesn't her mother go, when she pressures me to go?
You're WRONG for failing to stand up for your self and establish a correct and sensible relationship with your wife - who should be your best friend and NOT your WARDEN!

I think she should go anyway if that's what she wants to do. It's like her going to church is dependent upon me going, that's wrong. Best friends DO NOT do that to each other!

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post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 09:31 AM
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Re: Church

It could be that she is concerned with the salvation status of your soul because she is a serious Christian; but if she was that way, she'd also be putting the pressure on her mother too, so..I don't know.

I find the idea of going to church as "quality time" together, pretty funny, lol. You sit and listen, sing songs as a group, pray out loud as a group, interact superficially and politely as a group-----then leave. You could be sitting next to anyone, it's not an intimate activity.


I wouldn't go. But don't ever stop your wife from going either, if it makes her happy. Not that you are, I'm just saying; this is her thing; great, good for her.


Quote:
and when I got the Monday morning calls demanding an explanation for my absence

[sigh] Don't get me started, @peacem . I do remember having messages left on my answering machine, telling me how Satan was confusing me etc. etc......

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post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 10:35 AM
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Re: Church

When you meet and ultimately marry a person, if you ignore religious differences you do so at your own peril.

These things need to be addressed, sooner rather than later.

In my case, I've dated religious girls but I make it clear that I'll never set foot inside a religious institution of any kind unless it's a wedding (not my own) or a funeral.

My present girlfriend, and probably my last, is athiest, as am I. Being on the same page in this regard makes a world of difference.

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post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:00 AM
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Re: Church

What does her mother have anything to do with it? It's strange you feel this way. For me, I would never pressure my parent to do anything, It's a parent, it's kind of disrespectful IMO.
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post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:22 AM
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Re: Church

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What does her mother have anything to do with it? It's strange you feel this way. For me, I would never pressure my parent to do anything, It's a parent, it's kind of disrespectful IMO.
Because the mother apparently was the one who started OP's wife on her spiritual path.

So, if the wife feels like religion and church attendance is important---why wouldn't she expect her mother to show the same diligence?

Also, the mother lives in their home; so that would be convenient for the wife and mother to travel to church together, I would think.
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post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:29 AM
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Re: Church

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
Because the mother apparently was the one who started OP's wife on her spiritual path.



So, if the wife feels like religion and church attendance is important---why wouldn't she expect her mother to show the same diligence?



Also, the mother lives in their home; so that would be convenient for the wife and mother to travel to church together, I would think.


It's weird that he even thinks like that. It reminds me of a child saying... well Bobby doesn't have to eat his vegetables why do I??? Her mother is irreverent. She wants to go to church with her husband.
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post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:37 AM
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Re: Church

Your wife must not be paying attention in church then. You canít force people to love Jesus. That is a decision they must make, otherwise it is fake and just a way to breed one more hypocrite in the pews. And, trust me, we are at capacity with hypocrites. We donít need anymore.

I cringe at some folks who knowingly get into a relationship with someone who doesnít share their faith then tries to force said faith upon them. Salvation by coercion! Smh!

OP, tell your old lady thatís not how Christianity works. Christian service can not be given grudgingly. It must be a decision that someone is happy to make.

Godspeed, OP!
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