Single sex vs. Bible Study - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 11:37 PM Thread Starter
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Single sex vs. Bible Study

My ex and I used to attend a Bible Study group consisting of very dear friends we've known for 20 years. My ex continued attending the group, but I stopped because I couldn't stomach attending and witnessing his hypocrisy. After we divorced, my ex started dating and quickly engaged in a sexual relationship with a woman. My ex and this woman both profess to be Christians (Evangelical and Methodist), attending church every week, etc. My ex has defended the sexual behavior, rejecting the concept that it's adultery/sin, because he's 62 years old (don't ask, I don't know.)


Is it appropriate/normal/typical for a Bible study group like this to continue to allow his participation in spite of having knowledge of his unrepentant sin? He/she were even invited to the New Year's Eve party.

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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 11:46 PM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

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My ex and I used to attend a Bible Study group consisting of very dear friends we've known for 20 years. My ex continued attending the group, but I stopped because I couldn't stomach attending and witnessing his hypocrisy. After we divorced, my ex started dating and quickly engaged in a sexual relationship with a woman. My ex and this woman both profess to be Christians (Evangelical and Methodist), attending church every week, etc. My ex has defended the sexual behavior, rejecting the concept that it's adultery/sin, because he's 62 years old (don't ask, I don't know.)


Is it appropriate/normal/typical for a Bible study group like this to continue to allow his participation in spite of having knowledge of his unrepentant sin? He/she were even invited to the New Year's Eve party.
hypocrisy is a big problem. they both talk the talk but don't walk out the truth (HIS word). your Ex-husband's brothers in Christ should have talked to him, rebuked him, sharpen him...didn't they even try? if not at all....you are in the wrong church anyway.

just know...they won't be blessed as long as they both sin willingly and know fully.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 11:48 PM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

It's just sex. What's so wrong with that? Oh, someone said so hundreds of years ago. Do you know who said that? Jesus didn't write the Bible himself. Back then they also had slaves and lots of wives. All religious people are hypocrites, they are human after all.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 11:59 PM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

Well ok... Im a big guy when it comes to spiritual thing, and I think sex is one of them, If you want just sex go for it. I don't think sex should be controlled by anyone or anything as long as the other party knows it's just sex. I bet you there is a gal that is "fast" at church that's been giving you the eye. Go have a fling with her, sex is an amazing thing and you learn so much about your self doing the act! Sex is needed for everybody to function right, explore and express your sexualitie!


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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 12:09 AM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

You can only imagine what your husband must have said to the group to assuage your fears. You two were already broken up in all but name and so on.

Interesting that you stopped going. You rejected the group, ergo, they have now rejected you.

This is why I am not religious. And I decided that a guy who regularly attended church or whatever would be a bad choice for me. If I didn't go with him 90% of the time, then some of them lady parishioners would start to look mighty fine.......

Your post seems to support my opinion on this.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 12:37 AM
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Cool Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

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Originally Posted by DaytoDay View Post
My ex and I used to attend a Bible Study group consisting of very dear friends we've known for 20 years. My ex continued attending the group, but I stopped because I couldn't stomach attending and witnessing his hypocrisy. After we divorced, my ex started dating and quickly engaged in a sexual relationship with a woman. My ex and this woman both profess to be Christians (Evangelical and Methodist), attending church every week, etc. My ex has defended the sexual behavior, rejecting the concept that it's adultery/sin, because he's 62 years old (don't ask, I don't know.)


Is it appropriate/normal/typical for a Bible study group like this to continue to allow his participation in spite of having knowledge of his unrepentant sin? He/she were even invited to the New Year's Eve party.
Exact same denomination(United Methodist)and the same age frame here!

If your XH was actively engaged in a sexual or even a non-sexual relationship with this woman, all while you were still legally married, someone, and more notably the Senior Pastor, should have said something to him about it, more especially if he brought her around to class with him.

After the issuance of a divorce decree, once he regains single status, nobody is really going to confront him about it as most of them will perceive that what goes on behind closed doors is preemptively none of their business, and they will look the other way! Hypocritical on their part? No doubt! I really feel that they don't want to confront him about it!

On a grander scale, while his actions are deemed to be a sin, it is not deemed to be an unforgivable one! Nonetheless, your XH will still have to be judged accordingly about it by the Heavenly Father in the future, at the proper time and venue!

To wit, I'd highly recommend attending a different church and one of their associated Sunday School classes!

So sorry that you've had to endure this painful episode! Best of luck to you, my dear!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 01-20-2017 at 12:42 AM.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 07:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

Thank you, Arbitrator, for your reply. I wouldn't even myself be particularly desirous of approaching him about his behavior now that we're divorced, especially since I know him to be a narcissist anyway, except for the fact that we have a 16yo son. I'm trying to raise my son on Christian principles, and having his own father demonstrate such hypocritical behavior makes my job exponentially more difficult. When I asked my ex what he was going to tell his son if he found him in bed with his girlfriend, he said, "That's different, I'm 62." Personally, I've never had much luck with the "do as I say, not as I do" method of parenting. Combine my ex's Christian/sexual misconduct with the fact that he's basically thrown out son overboard for this woman, I'm afraid I've only begun to experience my son's rebellion issues. I'm know I'm not going to get an appropriate response from my ex, I was hoping to get support from our close friends in our Christian community, but I'm afraid I'm about to be very disillusioned. I just wanted some validation that I'm not completely off-base with my thinking.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 07:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

SA2017, even if they were to rebuke him, if he didn't repent and stop, what should be their next step?
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

Yes, it is hypocritical if someone willfully and continually does this. It is amazing how some people go to church but say "oh that's stupid. sex is natural!" Okay, since you don't agree with the church's teachings here's an idea....don't go! It's like some persons go there just to argue. Get a life! Christian do admit that they are imperfect people trying to follow Jesus. It isn't hypocritical if they admit it. The thing is most people who go to church are Churchians. They grew up attending and they just do it as a matter of habit. In any given congregation more that 60% of those gathered are not Christian, just from my observation.

So much learning from free sex and yet relationships can't seem to last. That's a good idea. Let's practice for monogamy by being promiscuous.

The bible did speak about this happening.

2 Timothy 3
1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.


This is the do what you want generation and, unfortunately, that thinking has invaded the church. That part above where it says "having a form of godliness" means they will look religious but they are pretending.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.

Last edited by EunuchMonk; 01-20-2017 at 08:53 AM.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 09:11 AM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

Is it appropriate/normal/typical to monitor an ex spouse's sexual activity?

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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 11:02 AM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

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Originally Posted by Mr. Nail View Post
Is it appropriate/normal/typical to monitor an ex spouse's sexual activity?
I was thinking the same thing.

Your son is 16. He's plenty old enough to know what's what in the bedroom. I hope you've educated him about it. He's also plenty old enough to discern the difference between love and lust. Lust is what your ex is probably feeling right now towards this other woman, since it seems to still be in the new phase. And if he isn't following his own principles and controlling his lust, then that's for God to judge is it not? Not you, and not your son, and not this bible group. Your son is old enough to grasp that principle as well.

Your son is also old enough to have his own relationship with his father. You shouldn't even need to get involved except logistically.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:04 PM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

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SA2017, even if they were to rebuke him, if he didn't repent and stop, what should be their next step?
The church should initiate discipline - see Matthew 18:15-17 - but most churches have abandoned this loving practice (it's objective is restoration) out of fear of losing members. A church not practicing church discipline is not acting like a church. Vote with your feet accordingly, sad to say
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:19 PM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

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Originally Posted by DaytoDay View Post
My ex and I used to attend a Bible Study group consisting of very dear friends we've known for 20 years. My ex continued attending the group, but I stopped because I couldn't stomach attending and witnessing his hypocrisy. After we divorced, my ex started dating and quickly engaged in a sexual relationship with a woman. My ex and this woman both profess to be Christians (Evangelical and Methodist), attending church every week, etc. My ex has defended the sexual behavior, rejecting the concept that it's adultery/sin, because he's 62 years old (don't ask, I don't know.)


Is it appropriate/normal/typical for a Bible study group like this to continue to allow his participation in spite of having knowledge of his unrepentant sin? He/she were even invited to the New Year's Eve party.
If they are part of a church and its known what they are doing, then they should be challenged on it. That's what the bible says to do. If they arent being then the church leaders are failing.
Is it known they arent married but are living together/having sex? Or are they hiding it?
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:21 PM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

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Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
It's just sex. What's so wrong with that? Oh, someone said so hundreds of years ago. Do you know who said that? Jesus didn't write the Bible himself. Back then they also had slaves and lots of wives. All religious people are hypocrites, they are human after all.
Many of us know that sex outside marriage is wrong and we live to that. God and Jesus are one, what God says Jesus says.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:23 PM
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Re: Single sex vs. Bible Study

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Originally Posted by thugkitty View Post
Well ok... Im a big guy when it comes to spiritual thing, and I think sex is one of them, If you want just sex go for it. I don't think sex should be controlled by anyone or anything as long as the other party knows it's just sex. I bet you there is a gal that is "fast" at church that's been giving you the eye. Go have a fling with her, sex is an amazing thing and you learn so much about your self doing the act! Sex is needed for everybody to function right, explore and express your sexualitie!


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yes sex is amazing thing, supposed to be for marriage.
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