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post #16 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 04:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
That is quite a responsibility...
It is, but I think some men are up to it.

I was looking for that sermon yesterday. I cannot remember if I read it or saw it on YouTube. I would like to review it.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #17 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 04:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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This remind me of something a counselor once talked about in our MC. If you put your spouse way up on a pedestal, that's dysfunctional. It's VERY selfish, in fact. No one likes having to try to live up to that kind of responsibility, and it isn't fair or desirable to have such a power inequality in a marriage or to expect your spouse to live up to such an image.
Some people are just very inspiring. For them, I don't think think there is much "trying" involved. It is just who they are and what they do, naturally.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #18 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 04:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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Not even close, in fact I can't imagine a wife that can be much worse (I've read about some here that are close!). About the only thing she hasn't done is cheat on me but at this point I'm not sure it would make difference if she did. In Proverbs 31, it gives a list of the things that a godly wife should do. I'm almost in tears each time I read it now when I realize how far off the mark she is. But hey I'm the one who married her and if I'm still with her, it's all on me.
I hear your disappointment, jb. Have you ever shared that passage with her, and your feelings about it?

That sermon I mentioned did not address the idea of wives inspiring their husbands, iirc. But if that is an expectation you have in your heart, it might be helpful to transparently share it with her.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #19 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 05:52 AM
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Cool Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

Yes, I believe that they are supposed to emulate both the love as well as the will of God in ones life!

Just as you see God in the actions of people from your everyday life, and in children as well as octogenarians, more especially, you should vividly see God in your spouse's heartfelt, loving actions toward you, whether it is in their daily interaction with you, sex and acceptance of their spouse; and the exhibition of those very same altruistic, loving attributes toward their family members as well as toward others!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 04-07-2017 at 07:35 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #20 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 07:51 AM
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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I hear your disappointment, jb. Have you ever shared that passage with her, and your feelings about it?

That sermon I mentioned did not address the idea of wives inspiring their husbands, iirc. But if that is an expectation you have in your heart, it might be helpful to transparently share it with her.
It's not really an expectation, I realize that noone, especially me, can live up to all expectations or measuring sticks in the Bible. I hear many wives say that they really do want to be a "Proverbs 31 wife" and that fact that mine doesn't and really has no interest to bothers me. She knows it's there, I don't have to point it out to her, I just figure as a wife who professes to be a Christian she should want to follow it, at least to some degree.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #21 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 08:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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It's not really an expectation, I realize that noone, especially me, can live up to all expectations or measuring sticks in the Bible. I hear many wives say that they really do want to be a "Proverbs 31 wife" and that fact that mine doesn't and really has no interest to bothers me. She knows it's there, I don't have to point it out to her, I just figure as a wife who professes to be a Christian she should want to follow it, at least to some degree.
That is Old Testament, right? She may not see it as applicable. Or she may just not feel inspired by it.

I agree that it is risky to have expectations for our spouses. It is easy to get disappointed that way.

But if an expectation is in your heart, and going unfulfilled, causing resentment in you, talking about it might offer both of you a chance to resolve it.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #22 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 08:51 AM
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

My wife does go kind of "Old Testament" on me sometimes.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #23 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 01:53 PM
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

Having met you both... I understand where this is coming from.. you deeply ADMIRE and look up to certain traits in a man, in a Leader..."Responsibility" is always there.. at the top... a man radiates with this to you....one who rides out every storm (can I say, even some of yours) while holding as a strong tower.. seems nothing could sway his devotion to you, to his children...his love of being a Father inspires you.... So little seems to bother him, there is no pressure, just "embracing" - acceptance... This is what I get from your post....

It's almost like no matter what...there is love in return, forgiveness...yet he's certainly not a push over either... sure sometimes he still gets under your skin... and you've certainly voiced those times here on TAM... it's not all roses.. nor are you trying to say this either... just that you too, have moments of inspiration...

Quote:
I remember attending my parents' 50th wedding anniversary Mass 20 years ago and reflecting, during the Eucharistic prayers, on how much the description of Jesus sounded like Dug. It is the same all loving, all committed spirit.
that's a beautiful thing... that these thoughts came to you and you related them...

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I also remember a sermon once in which the minister told the husbands present that they are very likely the face of Jesus to their wives. What a responsibility.
I haven't heard it spoken like that.. but there is this....




Though I've never compared Jesus to my husband per say... I've always said he has far more of those gifts of the spirit going on over me ... he's always lived them before me.. there is no person in my life.. from childhood to now that I have trusted more, or felt as loved by, over my husband... if he gives me his word...I can count on it...sure he gets on my nerves sometimes, just like yours does -though for very different reasons .... We could spit out some complaints, depending on the moment , huh @jld ! But then.. find ourselves laughing about them too...

In it's own way.. we may feel guilty even complaining...isn't that just being appreciative and fully recognizing what we have...isn't your sharing your feelings here.. just doing this..
I know you are not a religious woman.. yet still you deeply admire certain traits Jesus exemplified/ lived .. even those outside of the church ...these things are "inspiring" in others... even our spouses ...

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post #24 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:13 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
Having met you both... I understand where this is coming from.. you deeply ADMIRE and look up to certain traits in a man, in a Leader..."Responsibility" is always there.. at the top... a man radiates with this to you....one who rides out every storm (can I say, even some of yours) while holding as a strong tower.. seems nothing could sway his devotion to you, to his children...his love of being a Father inspires you.... So little seems to bother him, there is no pressure, just "embracing" - acceptance... This is what I get from your post....
Yes, that is exactly correct. I admire mature, responsible men greatly. I respect them so much.

I wish there were more of them, so more women could have good husbands, and not carry their marriages alone. That looks like a very heavy load.

Quote:
It's almost like no matter what...there is love in return, forgiveness...yet he's certainly not a push over either... sure sometimes he still gets under your skin... and you've certainly voiced those times here on TAM... it's not all roses.. nor are you trying to say this either... just that you too, have moments of inspiration...
Yes. Dug told me once, "Whatever you do, J, it is already forgiven."

That speaks incredible strength, incredible love to me. How could it not remind me of divine love, divine forgiveness?

Quote:
that's a beautiful thing... that these thoughts came to you and you related them...
I could not help it. Those prayers inspire me, and my husband's example inspires me.

I just cannot resist the inspiration of goodness! I am putty in its hands.

Quote:
I haven't heard it spoken like that.. but there is this....

Beautiful quote, and beautiful image, SA. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Strong, good men are irresistible, imo. They use their strength to protect women and children, simply because it is the right thing to do. They see it as their responsibility.

How could any woman resist that kind of true masculinity?


Quote:
Though I've never compared Jesus to my husband per say... I've always said he has far more of those gifts of the spirit going on over me ... he's always lived them before me.. there is no person in my life.. from childhood to now that I have trusted more, or felt as loved by, over my husband... if he gives me his word...I can count on it...sure he gets on my nerves sometimes, just like yours does -though for very different reasons .... We could spit out some complaints, depending on the moment , huh @jld ! But then.. find ourselves laughing about them too...
Of course, our husbands are not perfect. No man is.

But some men are good, very, very good. They inspire us by their spirit, by their example. They redeem our faith in humanity.

I am so very, very grateful that men like this exist. They give me hope for the world.

Quote:
In it's own way.. we may feel guilty even complaining...isn't that just being appreciative and fully recognizing what we have...isn't your sharing your feelings here.. just doing this..
I know you are not a religious woman.. yet still you deeply admire certain traits Jesus exemplified/ lived .. even those outside of the church ...these things are "inspiring" in others... even our spouses ...
Yes, absolutely. I grew up Catholic and, to paraphrase the saying, while you can take the girl out of the Church, you cannot take the Church out of the girl. Inside of me will always be an Inner Catholic Schoolgirl.

Beautiful, thoughtful post, SA. It is a pleasure to have you participate in this thread.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #25 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 05:23 PM
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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Mine does. When I consider his integrity, his character, his commitment to all that is good, it is not a leap to believe there is a force much greater than he is, who inspired all that he is.

I remember attending my parents' 50th wedding anniversary Mass 20 years ago and reflecting, during the Eucharistic prayers, on how much the description of Jesus sounded like Dug. It is the same all loving, all committed spirit.

I also remember a sermon once in which the minister told the husbands present that they are very likely the face of Jesus to their wives. What a responsibility.
My husband is a really good man with such character, so much integrity, and the nicest man I have ever known, but no, he isn't like God. He is still a fallible human being as we all are. He is godly but not God. He has a very close relationship with God and I love that about Him.

Don't try and put anyone on a par with the God who created the universe, the poor man will never live up to it.

It could also be seen as idol worship if you elevate him higher than he should be. I also don't agree with that pastor who says that husbands are the face of Jesus to their wives. Jesus is the face of Jesus. No man is.

Like you though, I love it that there are still good men around who treat others with love and respect and decency, and who have good moral values and honesty. I also know that God does change us and work in us and make us into better people, and its nice to see that in our spouses.


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post #26 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 05:44 PM
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

My spouse makes me feel more like Hell is real. Which is pretty
Impressive given she's not a Christian 😀😇

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post #27 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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My husband is a really good man with such character, so much integrity, and the nicest man I have ever known, but no, he isn't like God. He is still a fallible human being as we all are. He is godly but not God. He has a very close relationship with God and I love that about Him.

Don't try and put anyone on a par with the God who created the universe, the poor man will never live up to it.

It could also be seen as idol worship if you elevate him higher than he should be. I also don't agree with that pastor who says that husbands are the face of Jesus to their wives. Jesus is the face of Jesus. No man is.

Like you though, I love it that there are still good men around who treat others with love and respect and decency, and who have good moral values and honesty. I also know that God does change us and work in us and make us into better people, and its nice to see that in our spouses.
I never expected Dug to be like Jesus. He just is.

I wish I could find that sermon. The minister was talking about how husbands set an image for their wives of what Jesus is like. That is why it is so important for husbands to strive for goodness in themselves, to imitate his example, and be what their wives need. It truly is a responsibility.

It was such a good talk, what I remember from it, anyway. There was such honesty, such genuineness, to it. No defensiveness. Just heartfelt sharing from one genuine man to other men humble enough to listen.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #28 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 09:21 PM
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

Mrs. Conan was a Christian before she met me (abandoned her beliefs for a while and lost her mind in my bed) and ended up exemplifying a Christian wife who influenced her husband with actions and grace, not words.

She very gently invited me to attend church with her and I eventually accepted.

I became a Christian roughly 5 years into our relationship.

She is a good representation of a Godly wife in most aspects even though she has failed a few times, she is only human, she always gets back on track.

She is my helpmate and I am her lead.
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post #29 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 09:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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Mrs. Conan was a Christian before she met me (abandoned her beliefs for a while and lost her mind in my bed) and ended up exemplifying a Christian wife who influenced her husband with actions and grace, not words.

She very gently invited me to attend church with her and I eventually accepted.

I became a Christian roughly 5 years into our relationship.


She is a good representation of a Godly wife in most aspects even though she has failed a few times, she is only human, she always gets back on track.

She is my helpmate and I am her lead.
It sounds like she was leading *you*, CH.

But all's well that ends well.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #30 of 155 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 09:53 PM
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Re: Does your spouse make you feel like God is real?

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It sounds like she was leading *you*, CH.

But all's well that ends well.
All men lead. Some just suck.

I became a good leader and wasn't too bad to start with.

She did invite /lead me towards Christ in a very feminine fashion.
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