I Need Opinions (if you don't mind)

CoolCalmCollected · 02-09-2012, 07:18 PM

I believe I have found the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm 27 years old, we've been together for 2 years. He is the greatest man I've ever met.. he's honest, genuine and we click very well in all areas of our relationship. He's literally my rock. ... I would just like to get an opinion on one thing if someone wouldn't mind... In the very beginning of our relationship we talked about everything, including past relationships. He said he had been in love one time with his high school sweetheart and that the girl broke his heart and he was in a deep depression for awhile over it. They broke up when he was 18, which was about 3 or 4 years before I met him... Now, in the very beginning of our relationship, he kind of brought her up a lot. I sprayed his cologne on my shirt and he said, my ex used to do that. I told him I wanted to steal his sweatshirt and he said, oh my ex did that. He even showed me her house one night when we went for a joy ride. I know her siblings names. I know her parents names, etc. He told me 2 years ago that she had to be right next to him and that every move he made revolved around her.... Now presently he doesn't talk about her at all in any way really. I spend the night at his apartment every night and he has been talking a lot about our future together, including buying a house and potentially getting married down the road. I have no doubts about him, though the thought does cross my mind about his ex now and then because of how much he talked about her in the beginning of our relationship. Am I way overanalyzing things? Should I have any worries, or am I just coming up with something to worry abou because everything else is good? I would really really like some feedback if anyone has the time because I drive myself crazy and I hope it's for no reason. Thanks!

Blanca · 02-10-2012, 10:49 PM

I think it is cause for concern. He had four years to get over her but was still talking about her constantly to you - he's not over her. Even though he doesnt talk about her anymore he's probably romanticized the relationship into a mental ethereal utopia.

QuietSoul · 02-11-2012, 10:31 AM

I can't say one way or the other.... in a general sense i would be concerned and i would bring it up with him and ask if he has well and truly moved on.

It could be that sometimes healing happens in layers. Ie, he grieved and went through that period of depression and moved on as best he could, and then being in the next relationship provides an opportunity for other healing that perhaps he could not experience as a single guy... it's just my thought so don't count on it, but if i were you i would attempt an honest conversation with him about it cos you don't want to feel like you were the rebound, even if that is no longer the situation

that_girl · 02-11-2012, 10:36 AM

My husband did that at the beginning of our relationship. Well, the beginning of us hanging out. He had just had his heart ripped out 9 months before we met and he'd bring her up with things...

Until i said, "In order for us to get to know each other better, how about we not compare each other to past lovers, k?"

Worked like a charm. Never heard about her again. lol.

Everyone has a past. Everyone has someone before you that meant something to them (well, most people do anyway). That doesn't mean he can't be committed and in love with you.

cb45 · 02-12-2012, 05:54 AM

"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." T-G

Good quote T-G, like it.

Yet have to say, paradoxes (of it) are true also, to wit:

"another reason some people 'get lost in thought' is because it
IS TOO familiar territory."

AND....

"another reason some people are FOUND in thought is because it's familiar territory."

&.......

"another reason SEEK to 'get lost in thought' is because it's unfamiliar territory."

Etc.......

COguy · 02-12-2012, 03:10 PM

Sounds like it WAS a problem but may not be now.

I would have a chat with him up front about being open and transparent and about not communicating with exes. You'll see many a post on these forums about people conversing with old flames and in this case seems like it could easily lead to some mischief.

Best to head that off at the pass and let him know that you wouldn't be comfortable with them communicating privately.

GreenEyes · 02-14-2012, 09:35 PM

Idk if he hasn't brought her up for a while and isn't talking to her or anything I wouldn't look too much into it....I had a habit of bringing up my exes and me and my H still make comments about our exes...idk it's just not a big deal to us to make the occasional comment....

I mean you can always try to work it into the conversation to see where his thoughts are on it now, because he has hopefully matured since he was 21, 22 when you guys met...at 21 or 22 I don't think you fully understand the impact of talking about your exes to your current bf/gf and at the time you guys first met he probably wasn't thinking long term with you anyway, he was young, he's a guy, none of them would have been haha....

Based on personal experience haha, I think you are just trying to find something to worry about since there is nothing to worry about...