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Old 04-22-2010, 05:02 AM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

I'm on Day 7, and it's been really, really hard. The Patience, the kindness, the thoughtfulness... Especially the "is not"'s... selfish, rude or irritable. Today is "believes the best"...

3 weeks after finding out about an affair with a woman he sees every day, a woman that he shares office space with... It's hard not to still be angry, irritable, having all sorts of imaginings running through your head.

But, I must say that this book has helped me gain insight to my feelings, and give me direction as to how to positively apply my energy to my relationship with my... what... husband? I can't say that is what he'll be in a month's time... Sadly I can't say as yet that I am convinced that it will save my marriage, but it has saved me. It isn't only about loving someone else. It's teaching me how to love myself.

Two people form a marriage. And while I do see that there has been some improvement in how my husband is treating me, I think we have come to the conclusion that we do better as the best of friends, than as spouses. There are too many psychological issues at the moment that he needs to deal with, that don't draw him to me when he needs love and appreciation as a man. It's not that he doesn't get it from me, it's just that he doesn't see it, because to him, I'm a maternal figure...
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Old 04-28-2010, 07:23 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marley View Post
I'm on Day 7, and it's been really, really hard. The Patience, the kindness, the thoughtfulness... Especially the "is not"'s... selfish, rude or irritable. Today is "believes the best"...
Yeah, I thought that LD would be a lot easier to apply. But if you really do the work, you'll see the results. I know that we did.

Quote:
3 weeks after finding out about an affair with a woman he sees every day, a woman that he shares office space with... It's hard not to still be angry, irritable, having all sorts of imaginings running through your head.
Definitely not cool: I'm so sorry. You seem to have retained a good attitude, in spite of what happened.

How's the forgiveness part coming?

Quote:
But, I must say that this book has helped me gain insight to my feelings, and give me direction as to how to positively apply my energy to my relationship with my... what... husband? I can't say that is what he'll be in a month's time... Sadly I can't say as yet that I am convinced that it will save my marriage, but it has saved me. It isn't only about loving someone else. It's teaching me how to love myself.
I think you've learned some incredibly valuable lessons from the Love Dare, despite where you choose to go in your marriage. It seems that you're more focused on changing you, and understanding that you are lovable, which is a huge step in this lifetime!

I would encourage you to finish the LD (if you haven't already) and look at salvaging your marriage.
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Last edited by created4success; 05-06-2010 at 08:30 PM.
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Old 04-30-2010, 07:15 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

I started the dare 3 days ago after I finally hurt my husband for what was looking like the last time. I will say that I am already noticing little things but he is also sort of freaked out too....which I can completely understand why.

I was not going to tell him what I was doing and just begged him to give me another chance and just trust me but I think I am going to tell him tonight because I have to give him a reason to trust me and that his is not yet again another way to manipulate him like I have for the past 11 years.

One thing I have been really surprised by even just 3 days in how much I am learning about myself and that I NEEDED TO BE FIXED not him I was bitter because I was unhappy with myself not the other way around.

I am sort of struggling on what to do about day 4. I have a 'problem' calling him over and over at work and pretty much just disrupting his day because of it. I did sort of do that today NOT calling and waited till the end and then texted him to see if I could make him something to eat and run to the bank so he didn't have too.
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Old 05-02-2010, 08:08 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

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Originally Posted by finallyseewhy View Post
I started the dare 3 days ago after I finally hurt my husband for what was looking like the last time. I will say that I am already noticing little things but he is also sort of freaked out too....which I can completely understand why.

I was not going to tell him what I was doing and just begged him to give me another chance and just trust me but I think I am going to tell him tonight because I have to give him a reason to trust me and that his is not yet again another way to manipulate him like I have for the past 11 years.

One thing I have been really surprised by even just 3 days in how much I am learning about myself and that I NEEDED TO BE FIXED not him I was bitter because I was unhappy with myself not the other way around.

I am sort of struggling on what to do about day 4. I have a 'problem' calling him over and over at work and pretty much just disrupting his day because of it. I did sort of do that today NOT calling and waited till the end and then texted him to see if I could make him something to eat and run to the bank so he didn't have too.
FSW:

I wanted to encourage you to keep going: what you're doing is awesome and you're so on the right track!

Great idea 2 text him instead; what re: email to his personal address? Perhaps when he has time to check it he can -- and be touched by your message -- on his own time without being distracted at work.

The self-discovery work you're doing and what you're learning about yourself will also be invaluable to you in the future.
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Last edited by created4success; 05-06-2010 at 09:48 PM.
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Old 05-09-2010, 10:30 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

Well my H moved out on Day 9 He was almost scared of my changes....but with that said a lot of other things happen too it has been a very hurtful last 3 days!

Well tonight he texted me and said that he is scared my changes are real and he made a mistake. I will say I am glad for the dare because it brought be back from a spiritual path(that is a whole different post)
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Old 05-09-2010, 10:31 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

Well my H moved out on Day 9 He was almost scared of my changes....but with that said a lot of other things happen too it has been a very hurtful last 3 days!

Well tonight he texted me and said that he is scared my changes are real and he made a mistake. I will say I am glad for the dare because it brought be back from a spiritual path(that is a whole different post)
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Old 09-11-2011, 10:25 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

The Love Dare is an amazing system... because of it's simplicity. If you put into daily practice what it teaches you will see a transformation in your own life and in your marriage. One of the most powerful concepts it brings out is the James 1:19 principle, "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." If you are diligent to apply this in your communication with your spouse each day you will experience a wonderful transformation...
YOU must apply it though... God's not gonna miraculously fix things in your marriage - He's given us the tools (His Word) and He expects us to use them. When we do, that's when the miracles take place. Simply stated, they just work! If you're on the fence about the Love Dare, it's a no-brainer, Just Do It!
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Old 09-13-2011, 08:51 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

Holy cow this drew a lot of responses and views!

I've tried Love Dare and have gotten up to about Day 6 maybe three or four times before I get discouraged (again and again) and give up. Not much perseverance on my part, I know! But I get fed up and just plain don't WANT to do the things in the book. It's hard. I don't feel love for him. I try to remind myself that part of love is a decision, not a feeling. Still hard.

And again I'm at a point where I don't know if I should pick it up and try yet again or just keep wallowing in misery and hopelessness.
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:01 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

Hi Striving...Boy can I relate to you on the trying and stopping part. Surprisingly, I still love my husband and I hope that never goes away. I do start implementing things and like this past 2 weeks, I'v implemented new things and have been better and today my husband states that he notices my changes in one breath and the other says he didn't notice any changes. I have no patience for his constant contradictions so that's when I stop because I see that h is not noticing the changes but for some reason this time around since I made a commitment to stay...I will not let him discourage me from doing what I have to do anymore....its tough but I need to persevere and so do you.....let's do this and knock the devil off his feet for trying to discourage us from serving our purpose. We should stay in touch to support each other through this trial.
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:06 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarah.rslp
I have heard about it, but there are crticisms that its more interested in promoting religion than saving marraiges. The steps sound pretty generic to a hundred other self help books on the market, at the end of the day if you want to look after your marraige you have to do it yourself not look to some god to do it for you
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Originally Posted by cbol2 View Post
The point of the book is that God outlines principles in the bible for having a healthy marriage. Following those principles save a marriage.

You can't criticize a book or a God that you haven't given a moment of your time to learn/read about.. otherwise all your arguments are based in ignorant assumptions.
Agree.
The picking fights with the OP two posters engaged in (one of which seemed rude if not hostile) was unnecessary as well. Certainly not in the spirit of the thread and this section of the board.
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Old 09-16-2011, 12:36 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

Geeez I dont know. Take now, for example. Just got off the phone with him. He often calls from work at night only to argue or fire accusatory questions at me. I ask him how about if we go to an upcoming marriage conference. He said there's no point to those conferences - we already heard the material once (we went 3 yrs ago), so there's no point, he says.

I'm so tired of taking all the initiatives. And I hate how we, as humans, are so driven by reciprocation!! Why?!! Why can't we just give and give and give and be HAPPY with a smile on our face when we're slapped in the face in return? If I could do that, then I could keep plugging along with something like Love Dare, and I could actually get past day 6! But when I'm slammed by hurt from a guy who wants everything easy without making any efforts whatsoever...how can I get up the next day smiling and do Day 7?! Sadly I'm at the point where I don't see any hope. Hope in Christ, yes. Hope in my marriage or my husband (or even myself), no.

He won't agree to go to the conference and then he starts asking me to end the conversation with some word to lift him up. That's just how he is...if you knew him, you would see...so full of himself and always demanding more of me to give to him, without him lifting a finger. I couldnt' even tell you how many love notes I've written him. How almost every day of the week for the past 11+ years I've made him two, often three hot meals, asked him out to coffee, called to say I love you, brought him a gift (yes, Love Dare stuff...even before I read the book), all the while taking the very last place in his life as he puts everyone else first (he's a pastor).

And now I am blabbering on and on because I'm alone, it's late, and the wound is fresh.
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:48 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Boy this sounds all too familiar...just minus the pastoring part. I will pray that things will get better for you. To help you get through, i would highly recommend you reading a book called: Created to be Hs Help Meet by Debi Pearl (if you already have not heard of it). It always puts me back in perspective everytime I decide to read it. In my opinion, it's way better than The Love Dare. I actually have to read this book everytime I get discouraged in this marriage. In fact, I need to break it out and read it now.
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Old 09-29-2011, 08:34 AM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

My husband and I are going to start it together (he's going to start his a few days after I start mine so we're not on the same thing every day). I ordered the books last night.

I'm looking forward to trying it especially together because this is really the first major step he's taking to really wanting to work things out. We're still together, but there are some lingering issues- he's not attracted to me anymore, he was infidelitous, eh. Stuff like that.

He hasn't officially decided to follow Christ (he's an agnostic at best- he comes from a background of extreme Muslim followers, which turned him off on religion completely), but he IS going to church with me and going to other events (he went with me to chaperone the youth group last night) and most importantly, when I explained the Love Dare to him he immediately said he would do it with me- so I'm cautiously optimistic. Or, as my friend said on Facebook, maybe 'prayerfully optimistic'!
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Old 11-01-2011, 01:29 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marley View Post
I'm on Day 7, and it's been really, really hard. The Patience, the kindness, the thoughtfulness... Especially the "is not"'s... selfish, rude or irritable. Today is "believes the best"...

3 weeks after finding out about an affair with a woman he sees every day, a woman that he shares office space with... It's hard not to still be angry, irritable, having all sorts of imaginings running through your head.

But, I must say that this book has helped me gain insight to my feelings, and give me direction as to how to positively apply my energy to my relationship with my... what... husband? I can't say that is what he'll be in a month's time... Sadly I can't say as yet that I am convinced that it will save my marriage, but it has saved me. It isn't only about loving someone else. It's teaching me how to love myself.

Two people form a marriage. And while I do see that there has been some improvement in how my husband is treating me, I think we have come to the conclusion that we do better as the best of friends, than as spouses. There are too many psychological issues at the moment that he needs to deal with, that don't draw him to me when he needs love and appreciation as a man. It's not that he doesn't get it from me, it's just that he doesn't see it, because to him, I'm a maternal figure...
I am currently in your similar situation can you tell me if you followed this for 40 days. If so can you tell me your outcome. Part of me wants my husband to do this but I don't think he will so I am thinking of doing this. Please let me know.
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Old 11-01-2011, 07:47 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: "The Love Dare" anyone else done it/doing it?

i think it'll work IF, u've spent yerself on the anger side.

spent as in finished, that is.

IF not, then oops, its gonna "leak out" and mess things up.

suggest all spend their anger out somewhat, if not all.

frustration/angers hard to "bottle up" for long.

selah.
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