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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 01:41 PM
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Re: Wife found religion

Originally Posted by Tireless View Post
That is one of the issues. I offered to attend church with her and listen with an open mind. I offered to read any books she might suggest that would give me an insight into what she believes. I can't change the way I feel about religion but I can listen. She says that by my asking questions about what she believes I am pushing her. I grew up in the church. I would dare to say that I have read more of the Bible than most Christians. So even though I don't believe, I can carry on an intelligent conversation about what the Bible says and what I think it means.
Pushing her to what? Does she think you'll try to convert her back to agnosticism? Do you notice when you talk about the stuff you're doing it with a twinge of superiority?

I'm only saying that because I do it too, especially when talking to my wife. We'll talk about something and I'll try to prove my point instead of just listening to what she has to say.
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-13-2012, 07:21 AM
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Re: Wife found religion

Maybe she is just adjusting with her newfound belief. Because she is still 'learning' with her new faith, she doesn't feel very confident with the extent of her knowledge to engage in religious debate.

Faith is a very strange thing, it cannot be explained by logic. If she has been in this faith for a while then maybe she can cope with the debate (which is your 'questioning' about the bible). Especially because you know more about the bible than her. Its like she believes, she has faith but she cannot engage in debate and if you try to question details on her faith it will only make her feel frustrated.

Its probably easier for her to talk to other people that either; doesn't know much about christianity or actually a faithful christian. Minus the emotional aspect of being your spose.

I might be wrong, of course - after all I don't know your wife. But I was in the same situation with her. It was quite frustrating for me. My husband is not agnostic but he doesn't really trust the institution of my religion.
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-13-2012, 11:43 AM
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Re: Wife found religion

everything in life should be in moderation, I don't care what it is. Religion is a drug that some replace after struggles with other things in life. It's just amazing how religion should bring you closer but instead is driving you apart. she stopped being a wife. tell her you love her and want to spend time with her, write her a letter. tell her you love her enough to support her found beliefs but tell her not to forget you the man she married. having spiritual belifs is beautiful but isn't marriage part of her belief system? talk to her let her know you feel shut out of her life. marriage is a partnership and it seems that you are willing to even go to church with her and she says no? theres no room in God's house for you? where does she expect you to go after death? if you can't even go to church then I can't explain it.
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-13-2012, 04:50 PM
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Re: Wife found religion

Originally Posted by Tireless View Post
...She says that by my asking questions about what she believes I am pushing her.... I can carry on an intelligent conversation about what the Bible says and what I think it means.
Gads, I cant imagine anything worse. Seriously. Anyone that cant even discuss it, to me, is showing some frightening fundementalist tendancies.

I have never said this to anyone. Ever. But if my wife suddenly moved off to fantasyland and felt threatened by discussion on the matter - I would be seriously thinking about bailing out if the situation looked unresolvable.

If I were you I would GET to that church and see what they are feeding her. From what I see you writing - where her head is at is not healthy, or normal. If the problem is with the church she is attending - then you have one problem. If the problem is that she has mentally check out, on her own, to somewhere you cannot follow - then you have another. Either way - I would be apoplectic if it was me.

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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-26-2012, 06:09 PM
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Re: Wife found religion

I would show an interest in what she is learning. when she come home from church or Bible study, ask her what she learned. This opens dialog between you and her. It would allow time to see what her beliefs are now compared to what they were. If you show genuine interest, then she wouldn't be so secretive.
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-28-2012, 04:58 PM
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Re: Wife found religion

It sounds like you really love your wife, Tireless, and are in a difficult place. It can be really challenging in a marriage when you don't share the same belief system. I work with Focus on the Family, and they recently aired a program about marriages that don't spiritually agree. I thought it might be something that would interest you. There's even a thread on their forum that features the guests of that program, in case you want to check it out.

My heart goes out to you, Tireless. Please know I am praying for you and your wife. God bless!
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