Wife won't change churches - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-06-2012, 10:49 PM Thread Starter
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Wife won't change churches

I met my beautiful wife at this church while being on the praise team, and eventually got married in the same church. The problem is I want to find another church, but my wife doesn't.

I can not get anything out of the services any longer because of the pastor. I am currently the keyboard player for the church and I love doing that, but every practice and on Sunday mornings, it is getting so aggravating and I feel it shouldn't be that way. The pastor is arrogant and loud, and everything has to do with money. "if you want healing, give more money" "are you having problems? then you need to give more money" every Sunday it's another sermon on giving more money and that's on top of the regular sermon ( that is a usually 1 1/2 hours shouting at you) He is not musical at all, but insist that he is the only one to choose the songs we sing. During practice last night he was being his arrogant self, we were practicing a song for this Easter Sunday and were trying to work through a difficult spot, when he came in yelling at us about not knowing the song, and changed the song for Sunday. If we say anything about wanting to do some new songs, he calls us "religious" and says that we don't listen to the voice of God like he does and we just need to follow his lead.
I am so frustrated and I feel that I shouldn't feel that way when it come to Worship. My wife's family all attend this church and she doesn't want to leave, although she is frustrated with the pastor as I am. I just don't know how to handle it right now.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-06-2012, 11:26 PM
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Re: Wife won't change churches

Oh wow that is a lot to deal with. The line can be so thin when talking about church. I believe that if you are leaving the church happier because you are leaving then it is time to move on and find a new church that when you leave you leave feeling well balanced at peace or at least aware that their was some message for you in the service.

Have you tried sitting down with your wife and doing a pro and con list. Start the sit down with prayer and see what reasons you both have for staying and going. Like your wife would put down that all her family attends the church and you would put down being on the praise team as pros then list your reasons for leaving and see how bad it really is. It may bring some perspective to you and your wife. (I would make sure that the list is not shown to people that attend the church or children as it could send the wrong message)

I really hope that things change for you in great ways. Keep praying. Best wishes.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2012, 09:29 AM
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Re: Wife won't change churches

Seems like she wants to maintain her family connections and social sturcture like a lot of families do. First you need to realize that you are the spiritual leader of the house. Make sure you are providing and protecting her as we should do as men. Agree that you need to have a conversation with her but make sure you take the time to make sure she knows you fully understand her position without judgement. Then ask her to do the same for you. Since you both have the same spirit in you (assuming here), it may only be a matter of timing until you both agree.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2012, 09:31 AM
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Re: Wife won't change churches

what argument does your wife give for wanting to stay?

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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2012, 09:36 AM
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Re: Wife won't change churches

Originally Posted by Buddysnude View Post
My wife's family all attend this church and she doesn't want to leave, although she is frustrated with the pastor as I am. I just don't know how to handle it right now.
Her loyalty is misguided. She has chosen her families opinion over yours.

If I were you I'd find a new church and leave her to that one. You are the spiritual leader but you can't force her to go. She will need to do that willingly but if you stay you will resent her for it.

Just leave.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2012, 09:44 AM
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Re: Wife won't change churches

If the situation is that bad, eventually one side will have to break. The Pastor will go or the church will split. If you feel that strongly I would encourage you to step down from your ministry position and find other things to do. Be gracious. With your wife and with the Pastor. Something will break. Give it time and let God use the experience to draw you closer to Himself.

In the mean time as you continue to attend I would work on trying to meet your wife's spiritual needs yourself at home. You both admit you are not being drawn closer to God in this church. There is a deficit there then, you should meet it.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2012, 06:25 PM
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Re: Wife won't change churches

Who does your pastor report to? Is there a board of elders or a higher church authority that oversees him? I would talk to your pastor and tell him your concerns about his preaching style and his attitude. If he won't change you need to speak with whomever has authority over him. If he is not accountable to anyone then that's a good basis right there to leave that church.

"It may be the devil or it may be the Lord
But you're gonna have to serve somebody"
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