Wife won't change churches
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Relationships and Spirituality » Wife won't change churches

Relationships and Spirituality The place to look for faith based solutions.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-06-2012, 10:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 6
Default Wife won't change churches

I met my beautiful wife at this church while being on the praise team, and eventually got married in the same church. The problem is I want to find another church, but my wife doesn't.

I can not get anything out of the services any longer because of the pastor. I am currently the keyboard player for the church and I love doing that, but every practice and on Sunday mornings, it is getting so aggravating and I feel it shouldn't be that way. The pastor is arrogant and loud, and everything has to do with money. "if you want healing, give more money" "are you having problems? then you need to give more money" every Sunday it's another sermon on giving more money and that's on top of the regular sermon ( that is a usually 1 1/2 hours shouting at you) He is not musical at all, but insist that he is the only one to choose the songs we sing. During practice last night he was being his arrogant self, we were practicing a song for this Easter Sunday and were trying to work through a difficult spot, when he came in yelling at us about not knowing the song, and changed the song for Sunday. If we say anything about wanting to do some new songs, he calls us "religious" and says that we don't listen to the voice of God like he does and we just need to follow his lead.
I am so frustrated and I feel that I shouldn't feel that way when it come to Worship. My wife's family all attend this church and she doesn't want to leave, although she is frustrated with the pastor as I am. I just don't know how to handle it right now.
Buddysnude is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-06-2012, 11:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Kurosity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 636
Default Re: Wife won't change churches

Oh wow that is a lot to deal with. The line can be so thin when talking about church. I believe that if you are leaving the church happier because you are leaving then it is time to move on and find a new church that when you leave you leave feeling well balanced at peace or at least aware that their was some message for you in the service.

Have you tried sitting down with your wife and doing a pro and con list. Start the sit down with prayer and see what reasons you both have for staying and going. Like your wife would put down that all her family attends the church and you would put down being on the praise team as pros then list your reasons for leaving and see how bad it really is. It may bring some perspective to you and your wife. (I would make sure that the list is not shown to people that attend the church or children as it could send the wrong message)

I really hope that things change for you in great ways. Keep praying. Best wishes.
Kurosity is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2012, 09:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5
Default Re: Wife won't change churches

Seems like she wants to maintain her family connections and social sturcture like a lot of families do. First you need to realize that you are the spiritual leader of the house. Make sure you are providing and protecting her as we should do as men. Agree that you need to have a conversation with her but make sure you take the time to make sure she knows you fully understand her position without judgement. Then ask her to do the same for you. Since you both have the same spirit in you (assuming here), it may only be a matter of timing until you both agree.
eh12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2012, 09:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Almostrecovered's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: SEPA
Posts: 7,720
Default Re: Wife won't change churches

what argument does your wife give for wanting to stay?
__________________
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Newbies please read this
My story
Almostrecovered is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2012, 09:36 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6,204
Default Re: Wife won't change churches

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddysnude View Post
My wife's family all attend this church and she doesn't want to leave, although she is frustrated with the pastor as I am. I just don't know how to handle it right now.
Her loyalty is misguided. She has chosen her families opinion over yours.

If I were you I'd find a new church and leave her to that one. You are the spiritual leader but you can't force her to go. She will need to do that willingly but if you stay you will resent her for it.

Just leave.
Mavash. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2012, 09:44 AM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 7
Default Re: Wife won't change churches

If the situation is that bad, eventually one side will have to break. The Pastor will go or the church will split. If you feel that strongly I would encourage you to step down from your ministry position and find other things to do. Be gracious. With your wife and with the Pastor. Something will break. Give it time and let God use the experience to draw you closer to Himself.

In the mean time as you continue to attend I would work on trying to meet your wife's spiritual needs yourself at home. You both admit you are not being drawn closer to God in this church. There is a deficit there then, you should meet it.
PTCrusier is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2012, 06:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
sandc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Wild blue yonder
Posts: 5,680
Default Re: Wife won't change churches

Who does your pastor report to? Is there a board of elders or a higher church authority that oversees him? I would talk to your pastor and tell him your concerns about his preaching style and his attitude. If he won't change you need to speak with whomever has authority over him. If he is not accountable to anyone then that's a good basis right there to leave that church.

"It may be the devil or it may be the Lord
But you're gonna have to serve somebody"
sandc is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
trying to change, but wife resents it charlie18 General Relationship Discussion 0 03-19-2012 10:35 AM
Husband won't change churches littledeer Relationships and Spirituality 24 02-05-2012 10:27 AM
Losing my wife to change losttoerotica Considering Divorce or Separation 15 06-25-2011 05:46 PM
Thoughts and feelings on churches... greeneyeddolphin Politics and Religion 11 12-30-2010 12:56 PM
How do I lovingly ask my wife to change? yesterday The Ladies' Lounge 23 06-30-2009 04:06 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:24 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage