noelle

Whoops! Present in your life! Jesus wants to know you and in turn you, Him. That's most important.

Cee Paul

Maybe you should've read a little more about my history with churches and my relationship with God Noelle, because I grew up in the church - broke away and went hell raising for several years - returned back to a few different churches trying each one out - then decided back in like 2003-04 to go back out on my own and worship privately under MY rules. And yes I have read the bible front to back at least twice, so I am well knowledged of anything and everything you are attempting to tell me about or sell me on - but thanks anyway.

noelle

You definitely have the upper hand on me. I have yet to read the bible front to back despite my love for His word and of reading (I can only handle the Old Testament in small doses before my head starts spinning.) I apologize if I have offended you. Perhaps I did not properly express myself. I don't believe that going to church has a direct effect on where you end up. It works for me and helps to give me new perspectives. I also do not agree with your friends who told you that was the reason for your marriage failing. Either way, I pray that your situation works out. It hurts just as much whether you are sitting in a pew or at home. Best of luck to you!

Cee Paul

Thank you and no offense taken.

SimplyAmorous

Speaking purely from my own experience here... when I was that Christian or TRIED to be ...I was not really in touch with who I was meant to be...Something was caged..... I was hiding behind fears as to try to please a God...... I would get on my husband for not reading his bible, drag him to church 3 times a week (he could care less, all he wanted was more sex !)....and there I was .....sexually repressed.....I was embarrassed of my own husband seeing me naked... even buying lingerie I associated with strippers, oral sex with porn.. where did all of this come from!@#$%^&

I can't hook it all on GOD, but I can point to Hell & damnation teachings where I felt I needed to OBEY (which is better than sacrifice so some teach)... just to remain that Good girl somehow ....to make it into Heaven.

Now that I lost my religion and feel FREE to use my mind ...without automatic guilt , shame and judgement....if I enjoy a soap opera, a Rated R movie, some Heavy Metal - to openly question ....

Let's just say.. I am a new woman....happier, more bubbly, I laugh more, less judgemental, less fear, like a heaviness has been lifted ....our marriage has climbed to newer heights also....... darn I wish we could go back in time and re-do much of what we missed -due to those retarted hangups I allowed screw with my head.....

I near despise the .....we are all born wretched sinners / we deserve hell teachings I heard growing up ....Somehow I could never see this as Good news...

I understand my perceptive was all wrong ...what I had was a nice big dose of RELIGION going on....that is the problem with too many people in church. They fall into the same trap I did.

No... those in church are not necessarily happier ...In some cases....they may even be better at covering it up -because after all, we can't allow our sisters & brothers to stumble --by our poor example....we are instructed to represent Christ!

Personally I think HE would rather us be Humble before him over appearng HOLY. The whole tax collector & Pharisee saying their prayers. (Luke 18) This is where the heart of God is at.

What I personally DO apprecaite about Christianity is this.. the fellowship ... when I find those who can accept me & my husband for the decent honest people we are ....when I don't have to believe hook line & sinker as fundamentally black & white as they do.... that I can be what I am.... question what I question, enjoy what I enjoy.... I live more by my conscience than any interpretation of Holy Books these days....though I agree there is a ton of wisdom in that bible..I especially enjoy Proverbs & Ecclesiastes...


Not saying I got it all right, so long as we are down here, there is still lessons to be learned... searching our own hearts...and treating our spouse -like we would want to be treated ourselves ......this is what it is about ....for me.

__________________
"Love Good Blog"

sculley

I agree Church doesn't solve the problem having a relationship with God that upholds how you treat your spouse does though and sometimes Church is the gateway to get your there...just saying.

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More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson

arbitrator

The Church alone is certainly not going to be the vehicle that's going to get you to heaven. It, along with it's members and participants, are simply instruments in leading you to richly study the word that does, in fact, lead to one's redemption, strictly through the tenants of faith and belief.

I would much rather find myself in a place that would serve to foster and nourish my spiritual growth, just as my presence and spirituality might, in some unique way, come to be of service to others. After all, God does more greatly tend to help those who help themselves and then, by their service to Him in helping others!

__________________
"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Cee Paul

I fully believe that even if my wife and I were regular church goers we would STILL be having the same problems we're having now, because we would still be the same people in the same situations.

Again all you have to look at is how many pastors that have been caught and admitted to fooling around on their spouses(male and female)or are having major problems, and not only are they involved in church every week but it's THEIR own freakin church to boot.

mommy22

I can't make excuses for those who've fallen in the church. The percentage is alarming, I'll agree. I will say this, though. If not for my faith (thus spiritual growth and fellowship with others in Christ) I wouldn't have made through my own marriage. Our faith rebuilt our relationship. I've no doubt we'd be divorced now if it weren't for that. I realize that many church-going couples divorce but in my situation, and countless others, it provided strength to get us through the tough stuff.

__________________
--M22

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.

Cee Paul

Oh I also believe that it DOES help some people and if so that is awesome, but in our case as soon as we left church & walked through our front doors at home it would start all over again, and I know many couples who are in the exact same situation church or no church.

COguy

That's one thing that's very frustrating about "church" as we have today. Realistically, with the size of most churches, it's probably not going to change. Where you will see more benefit is when you get connected to small groups or activities, forming a tighter bond with fewer people.

It's in those settings where we begin to remove our facades and start talking about real issues and real problems. Only then can we get good support from our community.

Where people see hypocrisy is that they walk into church, know there's a whole bunch of issues going on, but no one talks about them. It creates the illusion of perfection. The truth is, if you knew the lives of those people, you would see a ton of hurting people. People going through divorce, infidelity, drug and alcohol addictions, runaway kids, sexual and physical abuse, etc. That stuff isn't going to come out in one hour a week in front of 100 people.

rankinsmedic

My first wife was devoutly religious. I went to church with her every time the doors were open, but I was miserable. When I was suffering from depression, the pastor told me I needed to get someplace alone and pray. When my marriage began to crumble due to her verbal and physical abuse, the pastor said pray. When I felt like committing suicide from the depression I was going through, the pastor said that I had a demon in my soul that was tricking me into feeling this way. I kid you not! Religion is terrible, but faith is vital! People need to have something to believe in, but that doesn't mean that Jesus is going to save your marriage. I found that out the hard way. I tried praying, but when I never heard or seen any of the results I was "assured" would come, I lost faith and hope. The church friends have their problems, trust me. When I cheated on my wife, all these men in the church came and told me how they had done the same thing, and some were even still doing it!!! I was shocked. I knew I messed up, but for them to acknowledge that they were still doing it, that killed my respect for them.

Cee Paul

I'm just thinking that we can get a lot of the same results with a therapist or marriage counselor, which is who I've suggested that we both go see since we both have issues with church.

COguy

I think it's important to have a therapist/counselor/mentor that you trust. I also think that community support is a huge part of staying healthy.

I know because I'm in the middle of a poop storm right now. My family and counselor have been a big help. But I also have a group of people that love me and are checking up on me and making sure I'm doing ok at my church. That is just as important to me, especially since they have no "allegiance" to me as my family or a paid professional. There only motivation is love.

Finding a good church though is like finding a good friend. There are some pretty crappy ones out there. Some are judgemental and condemning and self-serving. I'm thankful that I have a church full of people who want to serve others.

Cee Paul

See that was always an issue with me while going to church is having church members all up in my business and checking on me, and I already know I don't like that and she has already said she would definitely hate something like that.