Cee Paul

It's no secret my wife and I are having problems and have been for about two years now, and we both have married friends that go to church regularly who suggest it's because we do not go to church and that if we did........we would probably not be having these problems.


Ehhhh - WRONG; and so with that line of thinking then WHY do some of the pastors themselves cheat on their wives, and WHY do a lot of the people in the congregation struggle with their marriages even though they're regular church goers???

Mavash.

I tried the church route to fix my life and my marriage. Even spent several years taking women's bible studies on what to do. None of it worked. I believe spirituality is important but you can't get that just by going to church on Sundays.

My marriage is good now and I no longer attend church. I believe in God and am very spiritual. Organized religion just isn't for me.

Hope1964

SO true. My parents are quite religious and church is their answer to everything. Drives me batty.

I agree spirituality is important, but going to church does not = spirituality. Spirituality is something I need to focus on more in my life. My hubby has become more spiritual since joining SAA and handing things over to a higher power. I need to find something for myself along the same lines I think. Something in nature perhaps - I have been drawn to pagan and aboriginal teachings lately.

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Amplexor

It never has and never will. Many reach out for help in times of trouble in their personal lives. It is not a fix all and going to worship every week has nothing to do with the rest of their time. It is how people live their lives that is important, not that they attend a weekly service and throw a few bucks in the offertory.

While I am a practicing Catholic, my relationship with God is much more important to me than my relationship with the Church. During our marital crisis, I did attend Mass more often but the real help came from prayer. Not praying for a magic pill but praying for forgiveness in my errors in not attending properly to the needs of the marriage. Praying for my wife to make the right decisions in regards to our recovery. Praying for guidance in the moves I made to try and steer the marriage back to calmer waters. And most important prayed for my children should the marriage fail. Faith had a lot to do with our recovery and that is why it is in my signature line. Early on in R I experienced a Devinne Intervention. There is literally no other way to interpret it and it had a profound impact on how I moved forward. The road was still tough but it gave me a greater insight as to where we were and what we needed to do to recover. Going to church in itself does nothing, but faith can be of great inspiration, comfort and guidance.

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Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

arbitrator

Looks like I'm in total agreement with all of you. No! Going to Church does not magically offer a quick fix to anything. And most church members will be the first to admit that.

Going to church only gives you association with other members there, some of them Christian. And yes, the Church does open its doors to non-Christians also, in the hope that they, in time, might find salvation and that they might find what it is that they are truly searching for.

The Church only offers self-introspection. It can teach by example and by the experience of those people who have come to embrace the unending love of Christ. But the main impetus is placed upon the individual to read the Word, and then walk the walk. It's much the same thing as going to a marriage counselor might do~ without inner soul-searching, the advice that they offer might actually fall on deaf, fearful, or unbelieving ears. The same holds true in reading a self-help book, attending a self-help seminar, et. al..

The only thing that will truly offer "a fix" to your problem is "you!" The Church, the Pastor, the Christian educators, the members, your counselor, or even the book that you're reading are only placed there as aids/tools in trying to offer some benefit to you. After that, the rest is solely left up to the individual!

It's greatly a matter of just how much of your heart that you are truly willing to extend!

__________________
"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Blanca

Eh can't stand those kinds of people; so ignorant.

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"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

Cee Paul

I am a strong believer in God and was a regular church goer in my younger days while going through some other personal struggles, but about 8-9 years ago I just decided I wasn't going to go anymore and chose to worship and pray to God in a more private setting...........alone.

arbitrator

And as a Church member, I can greatly respect your stance. After all, it is not the Church or its membership that is going to get you to heaven; nor it your good earthly works and deeds, or even your Pastor. That is solely determined by your relationship with the Heavenly Father through His Son. Naturally, God would much rather see you in a position of associating with other Christians, but if you are truly in Him, then whether or not you attend Church makes absolutely no difference.

I now feel equal peace whether I'm in Church, at home, or out in nature. In earlier years, like you, I did not. But you sound very much the same way.

God's Peace to you always!

__________________
"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Cee Paul

Thanks I appreciate that; and growing up I was raised by two parents who were devout christians and raised us in the church, and then as a young adult I was also going on my own up until about 2003-04. That is when I decided I can do this on my own and can still stay connected with God at the same time.

Lon

I went to sunday school as a child while my mom attended the sermon. My dad didn't attend church but is a christian. In my teens and adulthood I have never been religious or churchgoing, for a little while around the time I met my W I was looking for some kind of spiritual guidance. When I first started dating my W she attended church, and always went along with church customs but expressed some doubts. After we were engaged and moved to another city for my job we tried a couple churches but were both dissatisfied and stopped going. It felt like a big relief to both of us to not have to subscribe to organized religion. I myself have become more comfortable with not identifying as a christian (though I don't bring this topic up to my mom for fear of breaking her heart) I appreciate the morals and wisdom in the bible and take it as allegory, but I refuse to accept it is the only way to heaven, enlightenment, god, the universe whatever.

Now we are divorced and each have our son half the time, he often talks about my ex going to church. Maybe I lead her away from her spiritual beliefs. A Christian would say its the husbands job to lead his W in Christ, if that is what she needed I couldn't do it for her - but AFAIK that isn't the reason at all my marriage ended, it was because she needed to find lots of rock hard c0ck from confident studs at the bar. So if she finds herself in church I guess that is healthier than doing it at a club, a little.

arbitrator

Actually, in Ephesians, the Bible does say that the husband is the spiritual leader for the wife.

In my situation, my STBXW initially said that she wanted that, but when I made intonations about her attending my Church, she threw a fly in the ointment saying that she was so much more of a devout and educated Christian than I ever was and that she was not about to leave her faith for mine. So I relented, attending her Church. While there were certainly some good Christian people there, I suffered because I could not accept or adopt their main theology and beliefs. My wife didn't really seem to care, so I attended my own faith's Church alone a couple of times where we lived and she literally blew a gasket about it saying that the passage from Ephesians was just an old parable and she could worship anywhere she wanted to. So I just quit going to church until after the commencement of the separation.

And once again, I have found myself in the midst of people who love Christ the way I do and the way I was brought up to do. And if I ever choose to get married again, I think that I will be so much more proactive in helping to direct my future spouses spirituality.

__________________
"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Gaia

I don't think either of you need to direct the other in that matter or needed to rather... She should have respected your beliefs as you clearly respected her own. Where to attend shouldn't have been such a big issue imo.... I do hope you find someone who is more respectful and understanding of your viewpoints.

Goldmember357

Of course church wont fix everything. If you are a christian than you should also know that the majority of christian's are not going to heaven.

Most people are going to hell and this will include a huge number of people who call themselves "Christians" but act far from it.

Lon

Comments like this are why I am relieved that I've been able to shed that fear and the religious side of it - it is also why I do not have the heart to tell my mom for she will worry herself to a excrutiating death believing my sole is going to hell.

Goldmember357

Hey i'm just speaking what allot of christian's would agree with its talked about endlessly in the bible so if you did believe in a deity and if it was the Christian god than what i said would hold weight to those people.