pa321

Hi,

I've been married for over 10 years, which have been great and I really love my wife. For the past almost 5 years, I've been exploring my spiritual side and have taken up yoga and meditation to deal with some negative emotions anger, anxiety, stress and worrying. I'm not following any particular religion but my spiritual growth is based on some buddhist values (mindfulness, being kind, and acceptance) and christian values (forgiveness and serving others).

I've been finding that several areas of my life has been improving and I'm generally happier. I'm coping better at work with less stress and worry. My family, work and friend relationships have improved, as I've been letting go of old resentments and anger towards people. I'm also dealing better with people as I have less anxiety in social situations.

However, some aspects of my marriage have not improved. Within my marriage, I do find I'm more patient and tolerant with her, which is good as some things we used to argue about, we no longer do. I listen to her with empathy (well at least I think I do most times) and try to support her. But I find that quite regularly at times, I'm falling short of supporting her.

It's like in these particular situations, she want's me to share her anger and frustration, which I'm not. If I'm not sharing her anger and frustrations, I think she feels that I'm against her... that I don't care enough and that she doesn't feel validated if I'm not angry about a certain situation she's been through or at someone that she is angry at? A lot of these things are usually not big things as well (eg. bad service in a restaurant or waiting in line). Such things that through my spiritual growth, I don't feel such negativity towards. But it's not like I don't get angry anymore, there are still situations where I do. I guess I'm more tolerable with everyday life.

How can I give her the support she needs with these things now that I'm not feeling anger as much anymore? I'm thinking this might be a sign that we're kind of growing spiritually apart? Have I gone too far with this spiritualism?

Any advice? Is anybody going through something similar?

I've tried suggesting some counselling/therapy but she got quite angry and thinking it'll be a waste of money and her time. I'd like her to grow spiritually as well so that these sort of things won't bother her as much, I try to encourage her, but she seems not interested. If we are growing spiritually apart, how can I continue to grow spiritually without harming my marriage this way?

Thanks for reading.

Blanca

I've been pursing mediation as well. It does help a lot.

I think if you are patient with your wife that she will come around. It takes longer then with friends and coworkers because the emotional bond is deeper. Try not to resist her anger and try to talk to her when she gets that way. Tell her how you are feeling in that moment, that you want to support her and don't want her to take your calm demeanor as a sign that you don't care. But never tell her how to feel and never trivialize her emotions. Stick with how you feel and what you want.

__________________


"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

gofish

Relating to your wife on a spiritual level is important, pa. My husband and I have been married for over 17 years, and this is still something that I think we could improve in. It's great that you care about this issue in your lives, as it does make a difference in how you relate to one another.

I recently listened to a radio program on that very subject. If you're interested, you can check it out here. It's by Focus on the Family, a Christian organization with which I have worked. They also have counselors you can talk to by phone for free if you would like to discuss your concerns on a deeper level with someone understanding.

I think it's great that you want to connect more deeply with your wife and hope you're able to as you make yourself available to her and hear her out when she needs to be heard. God bless!

michzz

If you come off as smug, detached, or superior, then your wife will pick up on that and express anger and frustration towards you.