When I was a kid, my dad's coworker had a daughter who escaped the Guyana massacre (Jim Jones of the cyanide Kool Aid.) This man confided a lot in my father, and my father talked a lot about their discussions - things that the guy had learned, things my father learned and shared with him.
I had reason to revisit the topic when my ex and I faced a severe parental alienation syndrome (before there was any information about it available).
Here's what I remember about how they get people and steps that can be taken:
Cults target people who are a bit lost about their life and/or have low self-esteem. The build rapport with them by listening to them in a way they've never been listened to before - without interruption, offering complete understanding and empathy, and then providing a promise of a solution to their problems. As the initiate starts attending meetings, they continue to pour on an unrealistic level of positive, unconditional acceptance, and exposure to people who provide testimony about how wonderful the group is. The cult begins escalating the initiate's participation until it involves overnight/weekend/longer stays, during which time they "break" the initiate's bonds with their existing support systems. This is done through methodical brainwashing - keeping the initiate sleep-deprived, hungry, and mentally exhausted, then rewarding them with small amounts of food or sleep when the initiate performs/expresses desires that are in line with what the cult desires.
As the progress continues, the initiate becomes increasingly fearful of displeasing the cult and its members. There may be threats to their safety, promises of complete rejection, or other manipulations.
Anyone who has joined a cult is a victim, in my opinion.
Back when the Jim Jones thing was going on, there was a concept called "deprogramming" that was shown to be at least somewhat effective, but proved controversial. The victims were kidnapped back by their families and subject to an equally abusive process to undo the brainwashing they'd undergone. The controversy came about because so many of the individuals were adults, and some of them remained faithful to their new beliefs. The first book on the topic of deprogramming that I'm aware of is
Mind-Bending: Brainwashing, Cults, and Deprogramming in the '80s . My dad's coworker's daughter didn't die at Guyana. She managed to escape over the fence and come home, but her father used some of the information in that book to "get her back to normal." I don't know details beyond that, though.
There are more resources on cults today, both for survivors and for family members. For your circumstances, you may want to consider checking out
Combating Cult Mind Control.
I'm sorry to hear this is heading to divorce for you. I believe your wife has been victimized terribly, and I hope you'll do all you can to help her.
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st. germain cult - wife joins, says it is not one 
