How kinky are Born-Agains?? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 08:53 PM Thread Starter
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How kinky are Born-Agains??

Ok, hypothetical situation here:

I meet a hot girl who is a very strong born-again Christian. We date, we fall in love and we get married.

We wait until the wedding night to consumate our relationship. Obviously from person to person sexual tastes/prowess in the sack will differ. But are there 'guidelines' a born-again Christian will not cross in sexual relations with a spouse?

I'm not talking rape-fantasies or anything that is way out there. But what about oral/anal sex? Mutual masterbation? For instance would a really strong Christian wife be against anal sex with the sin of sodomy in the bible and what not? What about role-playing? Would that be considered sinful as the two of you are pretending to be people you are not, and in effect, lusting after someone else and commiting adultery/fornication in your heart etc etc etc?

Or in a marriage is it a free-for-all in terms of what you and your wife can/can't do in the marital bed?

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post #2 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 09:55 PM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaKarmaTrain! View Post
Ok, hypothetical situation here:

I meet a hot girl who is a very strong born-again Christian. We date, we fall in love and we get married.

We wait until the wedding night to consumate our relationship. Obviously from person to person sexual tastes/prowess in the sack will differ. But are there 'guidelines' a born-again Christian will not cross in sexual relations with a spouse?
Can't speak for ALL, obviously, but here are the answers in my marriage.

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I'm not talking rape-fantasies or anything that is way out there.
This would definitely be a "no way" for us. A little hair pulling, spanking is fine, but not getting carried away.

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But what about oral/anal sex?
Oral - yes
Anal - no

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Mutual masterbation?
Probably would if my husband was up for it, but otherwise, no. Most Christians I know still adhere to "no masturbation"

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For instance would a really strong Christian wife be against anal sex with the sin of sodomy in the bible and what not?
I think that's probably likely for some. Others, it is the risk factors that come with anal sex, including pain, tearing, infections, etc.

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What about role-playing? Would that be considered sinful as the two of you are pretending to be people you are not, and in effect, lusting after someone else and commiting adultery/fornication in your heart etc etc etc?
No role-playing here. Pretty much the reason you said. I mean, dressing up in sexy lingerie is fine, but to pretend you are a specific actress or actor or whatever, even the girl at the local Starbuck's... no.

In addition to this, no third, fourth, etc. parties involved either.

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Or in a marriage is it a free-for-all in terms of what you and your wife can/can't do in the marital bed?
Not a free-for-all, but I think it is best if you make your preferences known ahead of time so you aren't blindsided after the vows. Some are even strictly against toys, some are not. As you said at the beginning "each is different".

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
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post #3 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 10:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

Thank you for your response Maricha75. Third, fourth parties would be absolutely out of the question here as well.

In terms of the role-playing, I didn't mean to suggest specifically identifying with a specific person in a fantasy (like you said an actor/actress etc) but as an unindentifiable non-person? Would it still be sinful to pretend to be the naughty nurse servicing a terminally ill patient without pretending to be anyone other than yourselves?

Maybe just an IMO, but interesting nonetheless.
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post #4 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 10:18 PM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

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Thank you for your response Maricha75. Third, fourth parties would be absolutely out of the question here as well.

In terms of the role-playing, I didn't mean to suggest specifically identifying with a specific person in a fantasy (like you said an actor/actress etc) but as an unindentifiable non-person? Would it still be sinful to pretend to be the naughty nurse servicing a terminally ill patient without pretending to be anyone other than yourselves?

Maybe just an IMO, but interesting nonetheless.
Can't say for anyone else, but for me, it's a no-go. Well, I could probably do the nurse thing since I went to school to become a nurse (just never actually finished that course) and I am the family "go-to" for ailments before the go to the doctor...go figure lol. But I wouldn't be comfortable doing the schoolgirl thing or any others which aren't part of me/my personality. But that's JMO.

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
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post #5 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 10:22 PM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

There is not one way of thinking for all who consider themselves 'born again'. Your best bet is to dicuss this with a woman before you get too far down the road to marriage.

Do not assume. For example do not assume that non-born again women enage in anal sex.. very few women will engage is it. It's not as common as porn will lead you to believe.

Each woman is her own person.. so ask her.
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post #6 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 10:37 PM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

I think the answers are going to be ALL OVER the place... depends on how she viewed sex before being born again, depends on how being born again affects her feelings about her sex life before, eg. is she shameful, guilty, feeling sinful? Obviously of she takes her faith quite seriously then she will avoid anything she believes is sinful, and that all depends on her alone, and the level of interaction and preaching style of her congregation and spiritual leadership.

So... can't answer, sorry.
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post #7 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 10:45 PM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

I too think the answers are going to be all over the place. Some think all things within the context of marriage are great and others think things like masturbation mutual or not are a no no.

I say this because I've done bible studies geared towards Christian women. I found them to be 'kinda' prudish but that's just me.
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post #8 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 11:15 PM
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My wife is a devout Christian woman and trust me, she's no prude. We love fantasies, masturbation is fine as long as it involves one another. Even if I am not present she thinks about me when she does it which is fine. We don't do anal because we personally find it icky. There is no biblical reason for her to withhold any type of sex from you, assuming you marry.
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post #9 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 11:16 PM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

It depends on how conservative HER individual beliefs are, nothing to do with whether they are born again or whatever
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post #10 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-05-2012, 08:01 AM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

I would think anything between a husband and wife that is mutally consensual would be fine. Ideally, it would be best to discuss the details before getting married.


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post #11 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-05-2012, 08:37 AM
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I too think the answers are going to be all over the place. Some think all things within the context of marriage are great and others think things like masturbation mutual or not are a no no.

I say this because I've done bible studies geared towards Christian women. I found them to be 'kinda' prudish but that's just me.


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post #12 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-05-2012, 08:43 AM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

I think to assume what ALL people of a certain faith are like will likely get you into trouble unless their faith flat out dictates what should and should not be done and the believer wishes to adhere to those tenets

I would think that some would be very comfortable and enthusiastic about sex within marriage and others have hang ups and taboos. While most would fall somewhere in the middle.

Just like the rest of humanity

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post #13 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-12-2012, 01:32 AM
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There is not one way of thinking for all who consider themselves 'born again'. Your best bet is to dicuss this with a woman before you get too far down the road to marriage.

Do not assume. For example do not assume that non-born again women enage in anal sex.. very few women will engage is it. It's not as common as porn will lead you to believe.

Each woman is her own person.. so ask her.
What EleGirl said.
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post #14 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-12-2012, 10:19 AM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

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Originally Posted by DaKarmaTrain! View Post
Ok, hypothetical situation here:

I meet a hot girl who is a very strong born-again Christian. We date, we fall in love and we get married.

We wait until the wedding night to consumate our relationship. Obviously from person to person sexual tastes/prowess in the sack will differ. But are there 'guidelines' a born-again Christian will not cross in sexual relations with a spouse?

I'm not talking rape-fantasies or anything that is way out there. But what about oral/anal sex? Mutual masterbation? For instance would a really strong Christian wife be against anal sex with the sin of sodomy in the bible and what not? What about role-playing? Would that be considered sinful as the two of you are pretending to be people you are not, and in effect, lusting after someone else and commiting adultery/fornication in your heart etc etc etc?

Or in a marriage is it a free-for-all in terms of what you and your wife can/can't do in the marital bed?
The Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled. In premarital counciling our Pastor said that that basically means, so long as both spouses consent to the actions being done, and no outside party is ever included, anything goes.

Anal sex is tricky. Some women love it. Others, like me, have tried it and hate it. It can hurt a lot, plain and simple. But each woman will be different.

Oral, on the other hand, is something I practice regularly in my marriage. But again, each woman will be different. Roleplay is interesting. My husband and I roleplay, and who we're playing aren't always married. However, he and I are married, so even if the people we're playing out, I don't see how that could be considered fornication. It's a fantasy, at best, but it's still being acted out with your spouse.

I say, it's all good. So long as she is comfortable with what's being done.

Also, I striptease for my husband and he and I were raised in church, and serve Christ. Some of us can be really kinky.

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post #15 of 93 (permalink) Old 12-12-2012, 10:20 AM
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Re: How kinky are Born-Agains??

Noah liked ball gags, true story

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