No way to win
my husband and I just talked and now I feel worse. Things had been going ok for the last few weeks, but we had not really talked about stuff. So I asked him to sit down and talk tonight.
Remember when I said he had asked all those question about what my goals were and what I wanted and stuff? Well, I had typed up answers awhile ago. He read them and made some notes to respond but we just hadn't sat down to discuss it.
The big thing seams to be that he is not happy with me only working part time and not having a higher level of responsibility. He wants me to work more and make more money even if that means I'm in a job I hate. He wants me to be a career woman. He thinks I should have goals outside of my family. He said he feels like we have a parent/child relationship. He said he takes care of everything. He has to go to work and run the whole organization and then come home and run the house too.
I'm so upset right now. I guess I should have pointed out to him that I'm the one who takes care of everything for our child, and I'm the one who buys the groceries, and I'm the one who cooks the meals.
Yes, I want to be taken care of. Is that so bad? I am glad that he pays for the majority of the bills and takes care of the financial aspect of things. He asks me "what do I get for it"? I really don't know how to answer that.
I've been trying lately to say nice things and thank him for the things that he does. But I just don't think I can make him happy.
I don't see how I'm going to be happy either way. If I do what he wants and work a full time job with high responsibility, I'm going to be unhappy and tired and that will affect us negatively. If I continue to work part time, and now at a job that I think will really work out good for me, he won't be happy and that may continue our downward slope.
What am I going to do when he says it's over? I can't afford to keep the house. He would want me to be the one to leave anyway. I don't know what I will do. I would want to leave here and go back to where I would have support from family, but I really don't think he would allow that becaue then he wouldn't get to see our child very much, so I would be stuck here living in some low income hole with not enough money to be able to even go up to visit.
He knew I was a family first person, and I thought he was too. Now he's a career first person. Back when we were dating, he knew how important it was for me to be able to focus on raising a family. He did say then that he wanted a two income family. Well, I thought we had come to a compromise with me working part time. I've been working part time for about 5 years and now all of sudden it's not ok anymore.
Also, he had a work outing tonight to go to. We talked about it earlier today and I asked him if he could just make him apperance and come home. I asked him to not say late tonight. (other times he stays late because he would rather stay out with his friends than come home). Well, he did get home early and I made a point to tell him Thank You for coming home early (even though my Thank You didn't seam very well received). Then when we were talking tonight he said I pestered him to come home early. I can't win with him. I told him that I want to be priority over his work and his friends. But he would rather be with them than me (he said this).
How am I supposed to respond to this? So this is what I am dealing with on a regular basis.
Then he often says that I am never happy. How am I supposed to be happy when my husband would rather be out with his friends (who are mostly female) than home with his family?