Role of a Wife in a Marriage?? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 02-26-2013, 04:25 AM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

So sorry, something isn't right, Any one you can speak with? Pastor?

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post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 05-25-2014, 12:16 PM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

agree with all of above: plus reminds me of the true stories i read about a dutch lady who married so called 'very conservative religious christian man' it started like that, he took away her passport, took control of money, everything, and started even to abuse sexually her daughters... she was only given a few dollars for groceries, and no car... after years of trying to save pennies at a time, she had the curage to run away, had to leave her children behind. That is not your husband? I don't know, i usually don't judge from hearing only one side of the story and not having been a witness myself, but I do think this is serious and you need to get out. Honestly I don't think the way is to say 'yes' when he is angry and asking divorce. I'm afraid that's just a trick to find out if you feel that way. it feels to me that he's not intent on letting you go at all, and will put up a fight if you want to leave. the shelter might be a good idea, or your family.
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post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-23-2014, 09:02 PM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

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Originally Posted by CantePe View Post
That is the classic behaviors of an abuser. Regardless of pregnancy I think you need to do for you and leave. You can't love him into change, you can't change him and he won't change if there are no harsh consequences to his actions.
I agree. Go somewhere safe. You do not deserve to be treated this way, you will not be able to change him. He is the only one who can change himself and stop this cycle of abuse.
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post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-23-2014, 09:12 PM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

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I want to be a virtuous woman and Godly wife and I know what it means to submit, I'm not perfect but I strive to do my best through Christ. I feel like his idea of "roles" is a bit skewed, am I wrong?
I am a Christian man and reading your thread makes me cringe. Men who call themselves Christians who misuse biblical submission are so WRONG. Submission does not mean the a husband is a lord who rules his wife. Far from it. Submission means that you give yourself over to your spouse and submission is meant to apply to both spouses.

One of my SILs married a man who tried to control her all in the name of God and he ended up slamming her against a wall when she would not submit in the way he thought she should. She called the police and had the marriage annulled!
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post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-23-2014, 09:13 PM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

Zombie thread....

Though I do wonder how Cindy is doing.
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post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-25-2014, 10:43 PM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

And Jesus said, once you get married she can't see her family. And Jesus said, if she don't do what you want, just start breaking her stuff and breaking things in the house. And Paul's third letter to the Corinthians, don't recall anything about excluding friends and family. Instead Christianity posits a happy, respectful and spiritual marriage.

A lot of what he does makes sense. If you're a petty, controlling, abusive husband, you certainly don't want friends or family pointing that out. And I'll give him credit, he has studied abuse a lot better than you, because he looks he got a 100 on the abusive husband standard.

Got to figure he's looking for extra credit. About 7 to 8 months into pregnancy, perhaps you are tired, don't want to go somewhere he wanted or couldn't make dinner. Count on him to beat the crap out of you, a broken nose and eye, some kicks in the stomach, shouts you make me do this *****, and you call your parents way, way too late from the emergency room crying.

GET OUT NOW. YOUR ATTEMPTS AT PACIFYING THIS ABUSIVE UNBALANCED DANGEROUS MAN HAVE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING EXCEPT SENDING YOU CLOSER TO A BREAKDOWN AND ENDANGERING YOU AND YOUR CHILD.
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post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 07-27-2014, 12:47 AM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

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Originally Posted by wanttolove View Post
I am a Christian man and reading your thread makes me cringe. Men who call themselves Christians who misuse biblical submission are so WRONG. Submission does not mean the a husband is a lord who rules his wife. Far from it. Submission means that you give yourself over to your spouse and submission is meant to apply to both spouses.

One of my SILs married a man who tried to control her all in the name of God and he ended up slamming her against a wall when she would not submit in the way he thought she should. She called the police and had the marriage annulled!
Wise post, spot on!
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post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-01-2014, 08:56 PM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

Makes you wonder what was the ending to this story.
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post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-13-2014, 01:52 PM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

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Originally Posted by cindywithvalor View Post
My husband and I got married just 3 months ago and since then everything has changed. We are both Christians, but sometimes I feel as though he skewed what he believed to make me marry him. He has told me now that he doesn't believe in the whole Bible, only red letters. We had only known each other for about 9 months and I stupidly jumped into it quickly. I am expecting my first child next summer. When we first met, he had strict standards, but was so sweet, caring, GENTLE and loving that I didn't read the signs as controlling. Now, I am not allowed to see my friends because he doesn't like them and thinks they are bad to me so "he is looking out for me when I can't look out for myself." He dislikes my family (who is wonderful and have been amazing my entire life) and I can't visit them unless he is with me. Actually, I can't go anywhere with people unless he is with me. If he is home, I have to be home otherwise he blows up about how I am choosing someone else over our marriage. He has told me I am now not allowed to wear makeup to work, deleted my facebook account, made me change my phone number, email account, throw away clothes/jewelry and delete all pictures from before we met. The worst part is his anger, it really scares me but I just dont know if I can raise a baby like this much less live life this way.

If I tell him no or disagree with something he says in a nice way, he blows up and becomes violent, breaking my things, punching walls. Last time he got upset it was because my adult sisters and I use nicknames for each other. My sister's name is Marsha and we call her Marshes. He told me it was immature and it made me stupid. I nicely told him that I simply didn't see what the big deal was about it, my whole family is fun-loving and calls each other nicknames. He broke his hand in three places from punching a wall. He hasn't become violent with ME but his rage seems uncontrollable. He has started to see a counselor, but screamed at me when I suggested I see one too.

I have told him how I feel and he says I'm just whining and I should grow up and that no one should be telling him what to do. He also will call me names then and tell me I just need to listen to him and learn my role as a wife. That is the biggest thing. It has come to the point where I have to ask permission to see a friend and if he says No I can't go to lunch with them (I have seen friends 1 time in the last 5 months) and I ask why then he says I need to be a submissive wife and I am just a fake Christian woman. I just feel that there is no negotiating or healthy communication with him.

I have never raised my voice to him or had an attitude before in many ways I have let him control me which is humiliating and makes me feel completely worthless. However, today I finally told him very calmly and respectfully I can't take the control issues and feel unloved and disrespected. He told me to stop running my mouth and that I was being selfish and unsubmissive. After a long run around with that and him threatening divorce numerous times I just ended up saying "okay" so he wouldn't blow up. I just feel like he doesn't see where I'm coming from and I don't know how to communicate with him without him blowing up or calling me names. I also have a hard time just walking away when that happens because I feel bad.

He has also been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety Disorders and Major Depression so when I try discussing these relationship issues, he says, you know I have problems...Yes, I do know that, but I often feel like our life is lived accommodating them...help!

I want to be a virtuous woman and Godly wife and I know what it means to submit, I'm not perfect but I strive to do my best through Christ. I feel like his idea of "roles" is a bit skewed, am I wrong?
This is the beginning of his rage....not the end of it. This will soon turn to him hitting you and or your child when that comes. I'm sorry you have made a mistake and you need to leave this man
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post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-13-2014, 01:54 PM
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Re: Role of a Wife in a Marriage??

Didn't realize how old original post was. Abuse has likely already occurred

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