Originally Posted by cindywithvalor View Post
My husband and I got married just 3 months ago and since then everything has changed. We are both Christians, but sometimes I feel as though he skewed what he believed to make me marry him.
Make no mistake about this, your husband is NOT
a follower of Christ....he is ABUSING the Scriptures...in fact using them to abuse
If he was a Good man -living as Jesus teaches -he would have these behaviors
When we first met, he had strict standards, but was so sweet, caring, GENTLE and loving that I didn't read the signs as controlling.
Curious, was there any red flags? I often tell people to look at their friendships, how a man treats his Mother....heard someone say how he even handles a Waitress is a good sign. Calling oneself a Christian means absolutely NOTHING. It's our actions that speak, not our confessions of belief.
Abusive Men: Top 10 Signs of an Abusive Man
Now, I am not allowed to see my friends because he doesn't like them and thinks they are bad to me so "he is looking out for me when I can't look out for myself." He dislikes my family (who is wonderful and have been amazing my entire life) and I can't visit them unless he is with me. Actually, I can't go anywhere with people unless he is with me. If he is home, I have to be home otherwise he blows up about how I am choosing someone else over our marriage. He has told me I am now not allowed to wear makeup to work, deleted my facebook account, made me change my phone number, email account, throw away clothes/jewelry and delete all pictures from before we met. The worst part is his anger, it really scares me but I just don't know if I can raise a baby like this much less live life this way.
We have broken down the top 10 signs of an abusive man. If your partner exhibits one or more of these signs, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and seek help or get out.
1. Jealousy & Possessiveness – Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner.
2. Control – He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.
3. Superiority – He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves.
4. Manipulates – Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable.
5. Mood Swings – His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred.
6. Actions don’t match words – He breaks promises, says he loves you and then abuses you.
7. Punishes you – An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex, emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you.
8. Unwilling to seek help – An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances.
9. Disrespects women – Shows no respect towards his mother, sisters, or any women in his life. Thinks women are stupid and worthless.
10. Has a history of abusing women and/or animals or was abused himself – Batterers repeat their patterns and seek out women who are submissive and can be controlled. Abusive behavior can be a generational dysfunction and abused men have a great chance of becoming abusers. Men who abuse animals are much more likely to abuse women also.
He broke his hand in three places from punching a wall. He hasn't become violent with ME but his rage seems uncontrollable. He has started to see a counselor, but screamed at me when I suggested I see one too.
You've only known him 1 year, married 3 months and he broke his hand in 3 places punching a wall. WOW. yeah..he needs some major therapy, medication likely to boot. Anger Management for sure.
I have told him how I feel and he says I'm just whining and I should grow up and that no one should be telling him what to do. He also will call me names then and tell me I just need to listen to him and learn my role as a wife. That is the biggest thing. It has come to the point where I have to ask permission to see a friend and if he says No I can't go to lunch with them (I have seen friends 1 time in the last 5 months) and I ask why then he says I need to be a submissive wife and I am just a fake Christian woman. I just feel that there is no negotiating or healthy communication with him.
there is no negotiating with an Abusing Man...you need to get out, and away from him.. People like him only destroy others lives, he needs major HELP. ...Do not be an enabler....you do not want your child raised in a home with a Father like this.
He has also been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety Disorders and Major Depression so when I try discussing these relationship issues, he says, you know I have problems...Yes, I do know that, but I often feel like our life is lived accommodating them...help!
This explains a lot, is he on Meds to treat all of this?
I want to be a virtuous woman and Godly wife and I know what it means to submit, I'm not perfect but I strive to do my best through Christ. I feel like his idea of "roles" is a bit skewed, am I wrong?
You sound like a wonderful giving wife...unfortunately you married a very damaged man. I would plan my escape...call a Women's shelter even... it's only been 3 months...an "annulment' should be allowed.