Is it normal after 7 years and a child to be unattracted to your husband? We married 7 years ago and both believed it was from God but after the birth of our child I felt something was missing. Neither of us has strayed but to be honest I've been atracted to other men and sometimes have wanted something more. I never went that far though as my conscience gets the better of me thankfully. I'm ashamed of how I am but I don't understand it. My relationship with God hasn't been as good since I got married but does this mean we're not right for eachother?
We are both besotted with our daughter and I sort of believe that if it wasn't for my daughter we might not be together. I don't think my husband has any attraction problems and he often complains that I seem disinterested in him. It's really not fair on him as he's done nothing to deserve this. I have great respect for him and Christian principles - once married always married, but I can't help but feel trapped sometimes. Should I just get on with it and make the most of it cos that's what I'm doing just now? Sex is a problem and I could take it or leave it but I know I'm hurting him being like this. Sometimes I just want him to accept things the way they are and get on with it to see our daughter through the precious years but I'm quite sad at times about the whole thing and know that its not fair on him. I just don't seem to have to get up and go to do something about it. What's wrong with me???
I think you could benefit from reading "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. You will discover what your husband must provide for you to get that "in love" feeling again. Gary Chapman is a Christian and his books reflect that.
I think you both need to start going on dates with one another and you may feel awkward in the beginning but this will really help. Just go for a nice dinner outside or some other place wherein you both can sit relax and just talk. Please do not talk about money, career & kid. Make sure that it should be just you two and no one else with you, not even your kid. Its just once a week, this will really help ur marriage.
When you married, what attracted you to him? Have those things changed? Are you disillusioned with marriage in general? Are you emotionally engaged with your husband? Or did you give your child all of that emotion and starve out your marriage? It happens a lot.
Nothing is ‘wrong’ with you. Marriage, as I often think of it to be, is a test. An emotional, physical, and spiritual test of endurance....and will; always maturing, always changing, but with a foundation of fundamental stability.
As Christians, the primary purpose of our faith is the submission of our own will for that of the Father. For the majority of us, it is our Father’s will that we wed, and not upon the sole premiss of physical attraction. I mean c’mon, you didn’t marry your hubby just because he was hot and made you go ohhh!! And besides, in now way does the Bible claim that Christian wives must be purring sex kittens ready to pounce their hubby’s libido in a moment’s notice!
This ‘cooling off’ - if you will - could simply signify the need for growth of other aspects just as important if not more so than the physical act of sex. After all, sex is the culmination, of the human representation of the Church. Yes, you read that correctly. As Christ so Loves the Church, the Husband Loves the Wife, as Paul wrote in Ephesians. Are Churches perfect? No. Are marriages perfect? No. Certainly not, but both manifest the needs and desires of the congregation/spouse and both serves as means to the others productive ends.....as long as Christ is the center of course.
Courage, Fath. And remember that as married Christians the devil - whether you believe in an actual evil entity or an archetypal personification of negativity - seeks to destroy that which God intended to be sanctified and fortified by His Holy Purpose.
Communicate with your husband, and with Jesus.
On a lighter note, I can’t honestly say that when my hubby is 85 and all wrinkly and bald that I will by all that physically attracted to him!!! But..... I know that I will still love him.
Enjoy the flower of youth as God has given it to be.
This ‘cooling off’ - if you will - could simply signify the need for growth of other aspects just as important if not more so than the physical act of sex. After all, sex is the culmination, of the human representation of the Church. ...... as married Christians the devil - whether you believe in an actual evil entity or an archetypal personification of negativity - seeks to destroy that which God intended to be sanctified and fortified by His Holy Purpose.
with these ideas, but have also been where you are. Give yourself and your spouse a break. When we have children, our delight in them can take over. Our emotional connections are very focused on this and it changes the nature of our marriage. The person above who suggests going on dates probably has some good insight, but you will both need to change your ideals for marriage and what it means in order to get through this time of your life.
Are you aware of anger or resentment on your part? Work to clear the air and find ways to understand each other.
I have benefited from coming to see that God designed Romance for us and to express a part of His/Her nature. I suggest reading a christian fiction series..Ted Dekker "Black, Red, White" and "Wild At Heart" (can't remember the author - forget the one about women...too trite). The aspect of ourselves that cries out for romance is not something to be ignored, but also may not look like the passion plays we see in the movies.
I think you should both read and do "The Love Dare". There is a part in the beginning that talks about "leading your heart" as opposed to "following your heart". Our heart is sinful and it's wants change from day to day. We have to make a conscious decision every day to lead our heart where it needs to go. It's actually a pretty common problem.. but it is fixable.
For women a lot of the sexual attraction we feel for our husband comes from sharing intimacy, respect and love outside of the bedroom. If any of those things are missing it really messes with attraction.
There is also a book called "Love and Respect" and more good resources on Gary Smalley's website.
Really try to nip it in the bud as soon as you can. It's really hard on both a husband and a wife.
There are things that you both will need to do to change the situation.
Nothing is ‘wrong’ with you. Marriage, as I often think of it to be, is a test. An emotional, physical, and spiritual test of endurance....and will; always maturing, always changing, but with a foundation of fundamental stability.
As Christians, the primary purpose of our faith is the submission of our own will for that of the Father. For the majority of us, it is our Father’s will that we wed, and not upon the sole premiss of physical attraction. I mean c’mon, you didn’t marry your hubby just because he was hot and made you go ohhh!! And besides, in now way does the Bible claim that Christian wives must be purring sex kittens ready to pounce their hubby’s libido in a moment’s notice!
This ‘cooling off’ - if you will - could simply signify the need for growth of other aspects just as important if not more so than the physical act of sex. After all, sex is the culmination, of the human representation of the Church. Yes, you read that correctly. As Christ so Loves the Church, the Husband Loves the Wife, as Paul wrote in Ephesians. Are Churches perfect? No. Are marriages perfect? No. Certainly not, but both manifest the needs and desires of the congregation/spouse and both serves as means to the others productive ends.....as long as Christ is the center of course.
Courage, Fath. And remember that as married Christians the devil - whether you believe in an actual evil entity or an archetypal personification of negativity - seeks to destroy that which God intended to be sanctified and fortified by His Holy Purpose.
Communicate with your husband, and with Jesus.
On a lighter note, I can’t honestly say that when my hubby is 85 and all wrinkly and bald that I will by all that physically attracted to him!!! But..... I know that I will still love him.
Enjoy the flower of youth as God has given it to be.
good post... from someone who knows what love is and about God too I might add.
Take it from the other side of this thing, your husband is hurting just like you are.
The Five Love Languages would be a good read, but I think that the problems are deeper than this. I would encourage you to go to a good Biblical counselor NOW, before you become so emotionally detached from your husband that either you or him have an affair and wreck this whole thing. If you have already thought about it more than once, you both need help.
I would say that both you and your husband need to be very, very honest with each other; and that without attacking each other. Give room and space to be honest and heard. Write down things that he can do that would really minister to your needs. Encourage him to do the same. Share them with each other, work at them, and then get back from time to time to see where you both are at.
Talk and pray with each other EVERYDAY before going to bed. Try not to talk about the kids or work, but talk about each other. If you not dating, try to go out once or twice a week. You both need that. If there is something that you feel like you really need from him, let him know. Don't hold it against him if he doesn't know the things that make you happy. He needs upfront communication from you; and if he really loves you, he will hear it and do something about it. If you see him trying, that means he really does love you and is trying to work at it. Your praise of his efforts will do wonders for him. He may need a little help along the way, but if you will help to guide him along, he will start to become the man of your dreams. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Let me know how it goes.
- r
Are you just a Christian or do you live the way of a Christian? Just being a Christian is not enough!!! A lot of people talk the talk of a Christian but don't walk the walk of a Christian!!!
I would say before you do anything you should work on your relationship to God!!!! After that anything else will be easier to understand and this feeling that you are having towards your husband will change!!! God is good and he can heal ANYBODY!
I have been married for about 7 years also with 3 children. One major reason why you may be having this problem can date back to when you have your baby. You might have shifted focus to your baby rather than your husband.
Try giving the baby as a reason why you are still married it won't help you.
What I do is to pray with my wife in a loud way such that she can know we are committing the problem jointly to God and you will realise that the wisdom to handle the situation will come. Try and pray together about your fears and God will answer.
Does he say I love you too much? Does he hug/touch you too much? Does he emotionally crowd you? Meaning does he ever back off - focus on other stuff and let you get to the point where you miss him, and desire his company and his touch?
Does he have an edge? When provoked by you or others does he respond with a healthy amount of aggression? Or is he conflict avoidant?
Has he made the effort to learn your body so he can really please you?
Were you ever really attracted to him? If so, whats changed?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rambojam
Is it normal after 7 years and a child to be unattracted to your husband? We married 7 years ago and both believed it was from God but after the birth of our child I felt something was missing. Neither of us has strayed but to be honest I've been atracted to other men and sometimes have wanted something more. I never went that far though as my conscience gets the better of me thankfully. I'm ashamed of how I am but I don't understand it. My relationship with God hasn't been as good since I got married but does this mean we're not right for eachother?
We are both besotted with our daughter and I sort of believe that if it wasn't for my daughter we might not be together. I don't think my husband has any attraction problems and he often complains that I seem disinterested in him. It's really not fair on him as he's done nothing to deserve this. I have great respect for him and Christian principles - once married always married, but I can't help but feel trapped sometimes. Should I just get on with it and make the most of it cos that's what I'm doing just now? Sex is a problem and I could take it or leave it but I know I'm hurting him being like this. Sometimes I just want him to accept things the way they are and get on with it to see our daughter through the precious years but I'm quite sad at times about the whole thing and know that its not fair on him. I just don't seem to have to get up and go to do something about it. What's wrong with me???
Christians but No attraction to husband 
Re: Christians but No attraction to husband 
with these ideas, but have also been where you are. Give yourself and your spouse a break. When we have children, our delight in them can take over. Our emotional connections are very focused on this and it changes the nature of our marriage. The person above who suggests going on dates probably has some good insight, but you will both need to change your ideals for marriage and what it means in order to get through this time of your life. 
