I personally can't imagine how difficult it would be to learn my spouse had cancer...and could DIE... leaving me forever... There is no fear I have in life greater than this one.... I think the blood would rush from my body and I'd faint...I'd be angry as well...
I don't feel people, regardless of faith, handle this the same way...it's not something that is supposed to happen in life.... it's like our children dying before us, its pure cruelty and the unfairness of it -unspeakable......you are so very young, the both of you have been handed a bitter cup to swallow here.. in the emotional, the unknowns, potential loss... not to mention the stress of the financial as well....this is more weight than most can bare...without busting at the seams somewhere.
I would imagine he even hates himself for what he has BECOME before you even. I am not making excuses for him.. just trying to express the powerful emotions one may feel faced with this..and how it could get out of hand. There is always the fear Cancer may return also..lurking. But true, we could all die tomorrow.
Some Do need others to talk too, get a break from the devastation they may face in such a horrendous loss... I have nothing but sympathy for those who step into a Caretaker role, for instance.. loving, giving, doing...with all that has been ripped from their relationship... it's heart wrenching , too, for the one who will go on living, if the worst comes to be.... their lover dying in their arms.
FormerSelf said: Sometimes people who don't know how to face pain and the possibility of death, start to withdraw from the relationship and sometimes finds soothing comfort in other relationships.
I can so easily see this.
Bobby5000 said: Men have a tougher job taking care of women then vice versa.
This has been studied... the care taking role , because of the nurturing aspect comes more naturally to women....I am sure this depends some on temperament also..
Survivor2013 said: You would think that a man, any man after the possibility only 5 months ago of losing your wife after only being married a short time would be grateful and happy but instead he calls me horrible names (the B word daily, yells at me, always tells me how I am not doing things right or at all) he bullies me and than tells me he can talk to me however he wants. But if I tell him to stop he tells me to shut up. Its saddening really, I didn't want to go back to working before but I am praying I get this job so I can be away from him. I am exhausted, I am still mentally and emotionally recovering from being sick and moving across the country, something he has never asked me if I am recovered from (we moved to Oregon from Texas in June). I am getting closer and closer to the end of my rope. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated, I am at my wits end.. I just want to know what can I do to make this situation better?
Is there anyone you both could talk to....that has walked a similar road.....I think your husband may be hating himself for how he has handled this also.. and he is stuck somehow.... letting it all spiral out of control...emotionally he has lost it...and he is taking the brunt out on you... and this IS devastating .. he has to stop!! It's like a Train loosing control -going off the rails... It will destroy you both.
It would be good to talk to a professional... get to the roots of his ANGER here...to where he can find acceptance to what has happened and yes.. Gratitude / happiness for his wife being saved.
How badly are you struggling financially - did the insurance leave you with mountains of unpaid medical bills?