Masturbation after seperation ???? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-06-2013, 12:07 AM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

I am far from an expert when it comes to religion because I am not religious WHAT SO EVER.

here is my take on it, as others have said, why be stressed about having no release and possibly making a silly decision based on your initial lust for a man, that sense of urgency to have sex might give you the wrong answer for the relationship.

I know the bible has been used to make people feel guilty about almost everything in their lives. to me that is just not right, perhaps that is why I am not religious.

in some cultures/religions it is a sin to masturbate, yet the married men will go out and get a BJ from an underage boy under the table of a restaurant, he does not see the person so he can claim he is innocent of the sins, and the worst part is that it is very accepted in that culture. personally to me it is wrong on all levels, its an underage person, it is a boy and it is cheating on my wife.

I had a very interesting talk with a co-worker, he is Muslim. during the conversation I asked him "what if you were stranded on an island and all there was to eat was wild boar, would Allah still see that as a sin to eat it to survive?" . he replied that Allah would see it as more of a sin to die without doing everything in your power to survive.

as others have mentioned, is it more of a sin to have sex outside the marriage than masturbate?

enjoy yourself, life can be short.

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post #17 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-09-2013, 09:55 AM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

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Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
I don't believe masturbation is a sin, but I was brought up to believe it is. There's a scripture somewhere that says something about spilling seed that was always brought up....this must be it

"Genesis Chapter 38

9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled [it] on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

I was always told that this means God was displeased with Onan for spilling his seed, but the way it reads to me, God was probably more displeased with Onan for sleeping with his brothers wife. I dunno.

I was also taught that the repeated theme of children being blessed and that sex is supposed to produce children also means that masturbation, for men anyway, is taboo.

Here's some more supposedly anti-masturbation Bible quotes:

BIBLE VERSES ABOUT MASTURBATION

I would suggest not interpreting the Bible so literally. It is not meant to be interpreted that way. You need to consider: Context, Culture, Customs/norms and language.

Those verses refer to a specific time in history where there needed to be an expansion of the population and people were literally killed.

If you are really struggling with this I would highly suggest researching the Bible with an open mind, and really learning how it is meant to be read. You should know that without general knowledge of Old Greek/Latin and Jewish customs it is very hard to understand.

The phenomenon of interpreting the Bible literally is NEW.

BTW I only used this quote because it seems like this person has given this some thought.
You would will be amazed when you start researching what things really mean. I am so impressed with the Bible now and fascinated with the culture and what happened.

Don't torture yourself over this or take the word of anyone else. Simply do the research and come to the best conclusions that you can. Once you do, there is no way of going back.. and it has actually renewed my faith in a God.

Remember, the Bible is also divided into parables, prophecies, poems and actual historical letters. It was meant to be a guide to the people of THAT TIME on how to observe rituals and lead their lives.
The Bible often does not state the context of history in which it was written, that is up to you to discover.

As a starting point:
http://www.ecclesia.org/truth/8-rules.html

Last edited by bunny23; 09-09-2013 at 10:03 AM.
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post #18 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-22-2013, 04:06 AM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

I’m of the opinion that sexual unfaithfulness is also unwilling to provide sex in a marriage. You went TEN years without sex! You never thought.. wow this is bonkers I’m going to truss him up to the preacher and get him to talk about this, go to a doctor, get hormones checked.. Get something going here! But this is unacceptable!

I mean I didn’t want to have sex for a good bit after I gave birth.. It was num, I as sore.. tired.. but I did it, and it turned out by the end.. it was alright I got into it. I would be blunt “yah I’ll have it tonight, but I’m tired, and I’m not really into it.” Sometimes my husband would laugh and ask for something else, sometimes he would try to get me into it and usually succeed.

I would say demand an std test get that husband in the bed and try something on him! That is if you want to continue the marriage.. That is the only “biblical” recourse for sexual frustration that I see.

The whole sex thing is suppose to be the glue that fuses our marriage. It makes you get all warm about that other person and forget those little things that drive you crazy.

Have you considered that your passion might be a tool to gain your marriage back? If it where me I would consider that it might just be a sign that I need to focus on my marriage.

I know the whole Christian view on remarriage is against. But if you do someday heal and want to try marriage again and you have been buzzing your own happy.. You aren’t going to get a lot from your husband. He is never going to be as good as something with battery’s.. The stimulation you get from self gratification is not comparable. You are setting yourself up for intimacy issues: / This coming from the military wife whose husband is currently deployed.. Masturbation is BAD sex is suppose to be used as an intimacy inducing action. lol I’m saying it for myself as well :P Think of the savings we will have on heating bill with all the cold showers!
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post #19 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-22-2013, 12:32 PM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

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I’m of the opinion that sexual unfaithfulness is also unwilling to provide sex in a marriage. You went TEN years without sex! You never thought.. wow this is bonkers I’m going to truss him up to the preacher and get him to talk about this, go to a doctor, get hormones checked.. Get something going here! But this is unacceptable!

I mean I didn’t want to have sex for a good bit after I gave birth.. It was num, I as sore.. tired.. but I did it, and it turned out by the end.. it was alright I got into it. I would be blunt “yah I’ll have it tonight, but I’m tired, and I’m not really into it.” Sometimes my husband would laugh and ask for something else, sometimes he would try to get me into it and usually succeed.

I would say demand an std test get that husband in the bed and try something on him! That is if you want to continue the marriage.. That is the only “biblical” recourse for sexual frustration that I see.

The whole sex thing is suppose to be the glue that fuses our marriage. It makes you get all warm about that other person and forget those little things that drive you crazy.

Have you considered that your passion might be a tool to gain your marriage back? If it where me I would consider that it might just be a sign that I need to focus on my marriage.

I know the whole Christian view on remarriage is against. But if you do someday heal and want to try marriage again and you have been buzzing your own happy.. You aren’t going to get a lot from your husband. He is never going to be as good as something with battery’s.. The stimulation you get from self gratification is not comparable. You are setting yourself up for intimacy issues: / This coming from the military wife whose husband is currently deployed.. Masturbation is BAD sex is suppose to be used as an intimacy inducing action. lol I’m saying it for myself as well :P Think of the savings we will have on heating bill with all the cold showers!

You are advocating that she has sex with a man she does not love vs manstrubation? So.. the Lord is okay with using your body for just sex as long as there is a piece of paper that you are married? I find this VERY disturbing to be honest.

She is not setting herself up for any intimacy issues, it's normal and healthy to manstrubate while in a relationship. Unless it replaces sex with a LOVING partner.

I'm sorry but I was floored about what you wrote. It's the polar opposite of any modern and rational sex therapy idea we have.

It's different if she is in a good marriage and has lost her drive, then YES advocating sex to see if it will rekindle desire is one thing... asking someone to get their ex back even if he was the biggest a$$ in the world, with sex? He cheated on her for 10 years, you advocate just getting an std test and going for it?

Do you have any idea how psychologically damaging that could be to her and her new relationships?

Honestly, I am appalled.
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post #20 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-22-2013, 05:35 PM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

I do like Manstrubation...
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post #21 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-23-2013, 01:09 AM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

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You are advocating that she has sex with a man she does not love vs manstrubation? So.. the Lord is okay with using your body for just sex as long as there is a piece of paper that you are married? I find this VERY disturbing to be honest.

She is not setting herself up for any intimacy issues, it's normal and healthy to manstrubate while in a relationship. Unless it replaces sex with a LOVING partner.

I'm sorry but I was floored about what you wrote. It's the polar opposite of any modern and rational sex therapy idea we have.

It's different if she is in a good marriage and has lost her drive, then YES advocating sex to see if it will rekindle desire is one thing... asking someone to get their ex back even if he was the biggest a$$ in the world, with sex? He cheated on her for 10 years, you advocate just getting an std test and going for it?

Do you have any idea how psychologically damaging that could be to her and her new relationships?

Honestly, I am appalled.
What do you think makes love? Sex is a great intimacy building tool! Sex is a tool, it’s a desire that was built in us to help us mate, to help us build desire. If you go to long without getting it, must like food you get crabby, you feel admiration for the one who gives it to you. It’s a basic need. Marriage is the sexual contract that says “I will only do this with you.”

Studies have shown masturbation does not have the same healthy effects as sex. You do not gain that euphoria, those sinus cleansing whatever.. that one often has after orgasm. Depression, skin issues, and weight loss are also to be aided by sex vs. masturbation that is often thought to in fact promote depression.

I agree that she needs a loving partner, but I don’t see how being sexually unfaithful to her spouse will gain that.

She obviously got back together with him AFTER finding that out. So I was assuming she had decided to stay in the relationship.

Yes I know this is a “antiquated” idea.. one might even call it a biblical approach? But since I am constraining my posts to in fact that “biblical” area of this forum I kind of thought it might be applicable?

Have you ever heard of Mark Gungor and his “laugh your way to a better marriage” or Debi Pearl “help meet”? Those two are very much who has shaped my views on a woman’s role and marital sex.

The truth is that most good marriages have a good sex drive, but once the sex goes often so does the marriage. Most people act like asses when they don’t get sex. I am, I’m a huge jerk sometimes and my husband is like “what is your problem.” Get sex, I’m no longer a jerk! Its part of marital yen and yang.
So you think her learning to pleasure herself, possibly making it impossible for her to gain orgasm from any man ever is better for her than trying to make it work with a husband she seems to have already tried to take back?

yes I admit my view is not what the world today says, I also Know its not a popular one. But it is what I would want someone to say to me. They have in fact, and been more the friend for it. No the situation was not quite the same mine was in relation to deployment and reintegration issues. But masturbation and marital unfaithfulness where a common issue. I hated that person at the time and thought them so old fashioned and wrong. But it turned out they where wise and a good friend. She didn’t “poor puppy it” or hold my hand though a divorce. She told me straight up I was going to kill my marriage with a vibrator and I needed to just take a cold shower and deal with it. Their was masturbation in the bible, God wasn’t unaware, and he doesn't make mistakes. That’s what wet dreams are for. Stick to your part and let God deal with the rest.
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post #22 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-23-2013, 01:47 PM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

I've heard plenty about how vibrators aren't good because they reduce sensitivity. OK, I can potentially agree with that. But what about masturbation not using a vibrator? What about fantasizing that's your husband touching you? I don't see how that would hurt a marriage during separation. What about mutual masturbation via a webcam with your spouse? Is that wrong, too?


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post #23 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-23-2013, 03:58 PM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

I don't think anything is "wrong" if it is by ourself or with a trusted partner if it feels good and is consensual. I think life is complicated enough.
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post #24 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-24-2013, 06:25 AM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

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I don't think anything is "wrong" if it is by ourself or with a trusted partner if it feels good and is consensual. I think life is complicated enough.
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post #25 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-28-2013, 08:34 PM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

I know a fair few women who enjoy the "pure romance" trade on base only to have there husband come home from a deployment and be unable to satisfy them. One of my best friends confessed to me just the other day that she only makes love to her husband once a month because he just "doesn't do it for her, like her toys do."

It would defiantly be easier to just take matters into my own hand, but I know when my husband gets back from yet another deployment. I will be happy I waited. Plus with all the other reintegration drama, do we really need to add inability to out do a 3 speed in the bedroom?

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post #26 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-28-2013, 11:04 PM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

if it harms no one do what you will
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post #27 of 32 (permalink) Old 10-27-2013, 03:12 AM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

i agree with soulseeker.
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post #28 of 32 (permalink) Old 10-30-2013, 03:01 AM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

Masturbation is not being unfaithful to your spouse!! I can't believe people actually believe it is? Omg....wow...
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post #29 of 32 (permalink) Old 01-29-2014, 03:22 PM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????

I believe that although we like to be able to classify everything as sin vs. not sin, I believe this is one place where the Bible is silent, and maybe deliberately so. We have to use the scripture as our foundation, but everything isn't always spelled out for us in great detail, which is where your relationship with God comes in. What do you feel in your spirit about the issue?

I believe that this may not be an area where one size fits all. It probably is a sin if you're married and the act is building a barrier between you and your spouse, or if it's an obsession, or if the act requires you to be in a state of mind that leads you to a place you don't feel good about. But I don't think that the act in and of itself is a sin. If you think about it, we make ourselves feel good in all kinds of ways, whether it's a bubble bath, getting a massage, etc. I don't see why at base this is so much different.
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post #30 of 32 (permalink) Old 01-30-2014, 11:37 PM
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Re: Masturbation after seperation ????


In reading the Bible I find that God does not beat around the bush about sin. The Bible is quite specific about sin in many places.


None of the Bible references in this thread relate to masturbation IMO. The fact that the Bible is silent about masturbation and the Bible is not silent about sin which leads me to believe that masturbation by itself is not a sin. However, masturbation can be an indication of something being negative and unhealthy for you and in some cases a sin. Masturbating and refusing your spouse sex is selfish and is one such situation. Masterbation that is directly related to a sin that is specifically spelled put in the Bible is a sin. An example is masterbating while lusting after another person's wife or husband.

God made us to have sexual urges but wants us to follow His instructions for using those urges with our spouse. I do not think God gets His kicks out of giving us such strong urges for years without having some sort of non-sin relief (masterbation-wet dreams). I just do not see God setting us up with a trap.

If you think that masturbation is a release but still yet a sin; then explain how a person is to stay away from (sin?) nocturnal emissions (Wet dreams). The release that comes from nocturnal dreams or masterbation is not a sin IMO.

If God wanted to state that masturbation by itself is a sin He would have stated that in very specific and clear terms.

Last edited by Mr Blunt; 01-31-2014 at 12:57 AM.
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