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Search: Posts Made By: sirwonder
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 03-16-2012, 12:58 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,515
Posted By sirwonder
Re: Hysterical bonding or Rug Sweeping?

Henley, your wanting him near you and wanting sex like you describe, at this point, is very normal....there is a period of wanting to "reclaim" what is yours. It's natural. Feeling triggered and sick...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 03-13-2012, 08:17 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 2,571
Posted By sirwonder
Re: Question for women and wayward women

I'm a man, but it's been 7 months for me and my wife since she had her PA/EA and although we are doing well, the affection and sex is only starting to get more frequent now. What you've described is...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 02-20-2012, 02:39 PM
Replies: 18
Views: 1,224
Posted By sirwonder
Re: To those who have R from an undecide

You might remain undecided for months while you are trying R. Pick a day in the future and try to get there without D. Then re-evaluate when that day comes. Keep repeating that process and you will...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 02-18-2012, 01:45 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 2,067
Posted By sirwonder
Help for getting rid of the images and movies

Like most people, I have been very disturbed by the images of my WS having sex with the affair partner. I didn't actually see it, but I have replayed those movies too and it hurts more than...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 02-15-2012, 04:44 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,175
Posted By sirwonder
Re: Happy valentine's day

This is our first V day since my wife's affair in July 2011. It has been a difficult road and I've done most of my healing myself while our relationship has made slow but steady progress. I triggered...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 02-03-2012, 05:27 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,220
Posted By sirwonder
Heal yourself, nobody will do it for you

I've come to realize something very important over the last month or two (6 months after DDay from wife's PA/EA). The only person who can heal you, as the BS, is you. Sure, your WS can help, but what...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-27-2011, 12:54 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,115
Posted By sirwonder
Re: A tip that might help your pain

From what you shared, your situation is different than mine. I would not recommend taking my approach, but instead would just go "all in" in your marriage. Just fight the pain in a different way,...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-26-2011, 07:32 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,115
Posted By sirwonder
A tip that might help your pain

Like everyone, I've had moments of total despair about my wife's PA (6 months ago). We're still married, "working on it." I don't know how it will turn out, but here's what helps me:

Live day to...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-10-2011, 07:34 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 3,080
Posted By sirwonder
Re: can't get the images out of my head

Most of things you wrote are correct. When I decided to try and R, I knew the chances weren't good. She wasn't able to do the right things, and still isn't.

But I did not expect MC to solve all...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-10-2011, 12:55 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 3,080
Posted By sirwonder
can't get the images out of my head

4 months out from DDay from her EA/PA, trying to work on our marriage. In MC and IC. Married 10 years, 3 kids.

During the first few months of trying R, all I wanted was my wife back. That was my...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-08-2011, 06:47 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 869
Posted By sirwonder
Re: Am I in a Situation Wiith No Solution? I cant do this alone anymore.

You've already given him many chances and he continues to disrespect you. He's having his cake and eating it too because you take him back every time he asks. You have a choice in this too. If you...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-08-2011, 01:04 AM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
Re: wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

Thank you for sharing all of your personal stories and experiences. The quotes above really hit home with me. I never thought of just saying "I'm feeling really angry today, and I would appreciate...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-08-2011, 12:25 AM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
Re: wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

This is spot on. This issue has come up many times, my controlling behavior, and it is totally valid. We even joke sometimes about the "old me" would object to this or that right now, in day-to-day...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-07-2011, 06:20 PM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
Re: wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

Wow. That is one of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten, and a new way for me to look at it. Thank you.

Can you give me an example of "acknowledge if she is making progress" and "positive...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-07-2011, 01:11 PM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
Re: wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

Good points. She has been going to IC often and likes it a lot, and we also go to MC to that same counselor. She has made strides in her own personal development. This gives me hope and some trust...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-07-2011, 11:20 AM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
Re: wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

It was a full-on sexual affair in the summer that she had.

We had a long talk last night. I started out by describing exactly how I didn't meet her needs in the relationship before, before she...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-06-2011, 09:18 PM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
Re: wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

Can you clarify what actions and words, right now, make you think that she doesn't respect me now? Maybe you are right, just wanted to see what prompted you to say that.

Even though some comments...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-06-2011, 06:31 PM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
Re: wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

I guess since she had the affair, she didn't want to be the one to initiate the Divorce. Probably wanted me to do it.

But also, she never really wanted a divorce. And she recently said she never...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-06-2011, 06:07 PM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
Re: wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

Here are the details of her PA, for those who asked. It's long.

About a year ago she started drifting away, and had an EA with someone online that lived far away. It went on for a couple months....
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-06-2011, 04:38 PM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
Re: wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

I know you are both right. I just needed to hear it.

Desert-rose, you are very intuitive. My wife and I have very different personalities, dispositions, styles. She's light and fun, and I am more...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-06-2011, 01:12 PM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,329
Posted By sirwonder
wife doesn't reach out when I'm struggling

As the betrayed husband, 4 months out and working on rebuilding our marriage, sometimes I just have bad days. I start to feel hopeless and I withdraw. I stop talking, and just crawl inside of myself...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-03-2011, 09:49 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,252
Posted By sirwonder
Re: No date nights during recovery. Is this normal?

Dadof3,

What part of my post sounds like Rugsweep?

She has asked me directly in counseling, "what would you like to know about the affair." Unlike some people, I don't want to know a lot of...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-02-2011, 11:15 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,252
Posted By sirwonder
Re: No date nights during recovery. Is this normal?

I'm sure that most people reading this don't care about a play-by-play. But, tonight I casually brought this issue up, about having a date night sometime, and I did not give her any pressure about...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-02-2011, 09:44 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,252
Posted By sirwonder
Re: No date nights during recovery. Is this normal?

Wow, I never thought of that. That is an interesting thing to think about. But I don't know if that's the case. But she has avoided a lot of things, including talking very much about the affair.

I...
Forum: Coping with Infidelity 12-02-2011, 06:00 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,252
Posted By sirwonder
No date nights during recovery. Is this normal?

It's been four months since my wife's affair. Married 10 years, 3 kids. She "lost it" for me, fell out of love, whatever you want to call it, and had a short-lived PA. It's totally over, for sure. We...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 30

 
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