Re: wow where,when , how to start?
so I may have been telling to much details. then as they get closer and I feel more of the discomfort I then feel un love and included so I will start anything to keep me busy and waway . so neways should have started here this last wensday we asked if I would like to go on a 1 1/2 hour drive to look at a care he loves but no way can we afford it now. so window shopping for cars . then we stop and do some shopping and seafood buffet . and as he said on the way thatif we have time we could stop by dealer we got out truck from and iquire about trade in up grade which I suggested ass a joke . and he was not against it . so after our other stops he needs directions to on ramp so I saythe way to dealers. I guess since we didn't have time ( as kids at school and were leaving in the evening to go camping. swell I give choice to exit for dealer or continue to home,. we go to dealer . he and I approach sales stand and ask for a rep who we are friends with. as we go based on there direction im hurring to get out of sun and hes right there. so I get inside wait for our friend and my honey never comes in . I go out and look nothing . finally I submit app waiting on response I look and finally see him he is far away standing under tiny tiney shaeded tree. I wave him over and after perswaysion he come towards me and I ask why you there and not here in side cool? he then as serious as can be says because im not very smart coming here and wasting time . im confused he drove and hen when rep comes out to give application results he approves us for a lesser car. we were there approx. 30 minutes where at the unaffordable window shop car we were there 1- 1 1/2 hrs. I am shocked the irritation he has and as we get in truck and head off he starts saying how can I carelessly waste his time, making him come to dealer , how selfish I am and how irresponsible also. since I should have been getting ready to camp. so I say h=he drove not I and he agreed earlier and when exited . he says I am noit using my head and thinking very unintelligently thinking I was going to alk in and out with a truck, he claims I made him go there because of my selfish ways and I really am not to bright thinking I might get approved I say you were driving and even used stoping there as incentive to hurry up shooping . I apologize and mention I had thought we were BOTH stoping with hopes of being approved and that I didn't make desion alone. but then it somehow starts to be lityle my intelligence me in general. claiming I have wasted the last three years and I am not needed or loved by him and he threghens to leave me and with more effort invested in next relationship attain more that with me. im shocked and saying if he was serious and amazed he is making these comments . I try to feel tricked into believing him but it is so hilarious I cant take him seriously so I s=argue the way home that he is crazy and I know he loves me , he disagrees and eventually shuts me out by being quite. we we get home he comes in uses th br and hopes in truck and as I am at the door asking where hes going he cracks the window says he got to go and as I am asking where and for what he rolls up window and loojks away and leaves. I assume hes getting the kids from school and after about 2 hrs he texts did I get my kids? I reply no didn't know you weren't thanks I will arrange their pick up and he answers back he had then . I was packing and getting rady togo camping and when they get back Its ready he and kids go in do homework and then come out and say that hes taking his daughter to her mom and will bring truck back, I ask about camping he says to go with my kids. I kinda laugh and just figure ok fine we will go. so he texts about being there with truck I say no need we do not need while in rv and that's it , no call or texts not explaination nothing so my kids and I go to csmp but at walmart rv wont start idk why have to call him and he suggests to call good sam roadside assistance. ok cool I end up getting it started and we head home . we get home I get text you make it home . I answer yes ( nothing more ) the next day goes by and not a call text nothing. so I leave him alone I did say the day earlier that if I am wasting his time and he isn't in love with me nor needs me for nothing then fine please move on and pursue happiness even though I will be miserable without him . texts about how he cant figure me oput and I truly confuse him . changing from then to now. how I can be so difficult and how he cant take it we need time away from each other although he does love me . what 1 day im not doing him any good diesnt love or need me to the next day claiming im to different that he needs space and im very shocked now . then next evening I get a call from his baby momma saying shes worried about him he called crying claiming to not want to be here anymore because he cant make me happy and then he hung up and wont answer . then I call his mom where I thought based on him saying so that he was there. she says no he called and saying good bye and he loved her and me and good bye . so next his brother calls me concerned as his mother called him and no one nos where he is and he isn't where he said he was and he woint answer the phone although it isn't shut off and I am panicing I figure he is crying because not making me happy he should answer my calls . no so I get the neighbor to watch my kids and I drive around every where from about 10:30 to about 3 am with no luck . I have no clue where and no one I called knew where he was . so I get home crying I fell asleep and at 7 I woke up called no answer called again no answer then finally he answers hes like hey what happened? I am pissed off and relieved and I break in to tears telling him how I was scared and worried and what where and why is he no where . he claims no where to go no money and so he feel asleep in his van at the park. im very demanding for him to come home and he says later and I push fpr no he shows up shortly and brings tamales and I just hug him and he me and latterly its a]so intense . he is so emotional as I am and it hurts to know how much I love him . were great the next day today Monday and already we have disagreed on steps to conquer in my grandmothers house remodel which I have been doing without his help because he cant do and I don't just hire someone I HAVE BEEN learning and slowly getting done what I can , so he actually wants to help and instantly he starts mentioning what and how hard things are and I am trying to mention the improvements and disregard his negatives and it becomes an argument of me not seeing the tings hes saying and I arguing I do I am just oiptimistke , he says I take no advice and I say what are you advicing me ? your only pointing out the crap I need solutions to . so he leaves and I stay , feeling once again stupid , stubborn and selfish , what is going on and how if at all can I fix me or him and mainly us back to the best friends and great company we had been to one another . im worried about losing him and losing my spirit not to mentioin fearing him hurting himself. please help asap