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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-10-2013, 02:56 AM Thread Starter
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Post wow where,when , how to start?

I am a 29 (30 in a few weeks) I have been in a relationship since jan 2010 . with my prince charming, well at least he is proof that love does exist. my husband( although not married) is the only adult I am surrounded by . he moved in with me the very week we first met. he came over to watch a mopvie talk , maybe cuddle. and he ended up staying the weekend and since then my home became hios. I have 2 children from previous disappointments , poorly my aweful choice in men and baby daddys do not play a part in my childs life. IDK IF IM GIVING TO MANY DETAILS ...SORRY. well he has a daughter who has and is my 3 rd kid. all kids enjoy each others company although they have there issues as most sibling due. my honey and I work together and outside of our home I do not go out to socialize very rarely and all ways with him. (I don't have any friends) well he does how ever get to go to the bar for a few every now and then . I prefer not to go as im not to socially comfortable... but I get hurt he wont invite me to come. but not the issue at hand. ... so he has proposed and I accepted although the actual marriage has been back and forth between each other need to not ( exensive for a wedding,lol) so idk how long but recently things are becoming quite fill with tension, argivation , pain and miss construed ideas that start and follow regular disagreements. It seems as if weekly sometimes bi-weekly we argue quite seriously about ... well he seems to think im the arrgessor and I " abuse and try to control/dictate him , or that I so lack the common intelligence that I cant be talked to so his solution is to force on me the view of my unintelligent daily choices .lets start with beginning events so to say we are very close and holding each other making love reguarlly and then sometimes as we go to sleep are do content it is almost hard to believe that he can love me as much as I love him. then when mornings hes quite quiet and not brumpy not friendly he will be more agrivated by the kids and less lovey with me . I try to think what I could have done or what may have happened and I cant find anything that serious. I will be more stand off ish in hopes he feels better.but no I almost feel he is enjoying of my concern for his happiness. aftera while he will become less and less friendly to me and my kids sense that he is not happy and when his daughters here she will closen up with him.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-10-2013, 04:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: wow where,when , how to start?

so I may have been telling to much details. then as they get closer and I feel more of the discomfort I then feel un love and included so I will start anything to keep me busy and waway . so neways should have started here this last wensday we asked if I would like to go on a 1 1/2 hour drive to look at a care he loves but no way can we afford it now. so window shopping for cars . then we stop and do some shopping and seafood buffet . and as he said on the way thatif we have time we could stop by dealer we got out truck from and iquire about trade in up grade which I suggested ass a joke . and he was not against it . so after our other stops he needs directions to on ramp so I saythe way to dealers. I guess since we didn't have time ( as kids at school and were leaving in the evening to go camping. swell I give choice to exit for dealer or continue to home,. we go to dealer . he and I approach sales stand and ask for a rep who we are friends with. as we go based on there direction im hurring to get out of sun and hes right there. so I get inside wait for our friend and my honey never comes in . I go out and look nothing . finally I submit app waiting on response I look and finally see him he is far away standing under tiny tiney shaeded tree. I wave him over and after perswaysion he come towards me and I ask why you there and not here in side cool? he then as serious as can be says because im not very smart coming here and wasting time . im confused he drove and hen when rep comes out to give application results he approves us for a lesser car. we were there approx. 30 minutes where at the unaffordable window shop car we were there 1- 1 1/2 hrs. I am shocked the irritation he has and as we get in truck and head off he starts saying how can I carelessly waste his time, making him come to dealer , how selfish I am and how irresponsible also. since I should have been getting ready to camp. so I say h=he drove not I and he agreed earlier and when exited . he says I am noit using my head and thinking very unintelligently thinking I was going to alk in and out with a truck, he claims I made him go there because of my selfish ways and I really am not to bright thinking I might get approved I say you were driving and even used stoping there as incentive to hurry up shooping . I apologize and mention I had thought we were BOTH stoping with hopes of being approved and that I didn't make desion alone. but then it somehow starts to be lityle my intelligence me in general. claiming I have wasted the last three years and I am not needed or loved by him and he threghens to leave me and with more effort invested in next relationship attain more that with me. im shocked and saying if he was serious and amazed he is making these comments . I try to feel tricked into believing him but it is so hilarious I cant take him seriously so I s=argue the way home that he is crazy and I know he loves me , he disagrees and eventually shuts me out by being quite. we we get home he comes in uses th br and hopes in truck and as I am at the door asking where hes going he cracks the window says he got to go and as I am asking where and for what he rolls up window and loojks away and leaves. I assume hes getting the kids from school and after about 2 hrs he texts did I get my kids? I reply no didn't know you weren't thanks I will arrange their pick up and he answers back he had then . I was packing and getting rady togo camping and when they get back Its ready he and kids go in do homework and then come out and say that hes taking his daughter to her mom and will bring truck back, I ask about camping he says to go with my kids. I kinda laugh and just figure ok fine we will go. so he texts about being there with truck I say no need we do not need while in rv and that's it , no call or texts not explaination nothing so my kids and I go to csmp but at walmart rv wont start idk why have to call him and he suggests to call good sam roadside assistance. ok cool I end up getting it started and we head home . we get home I get text you make it home . I answer yes ( nothing more ) the next day goes by and not a call text nothing. so I leave him alone I did say the day earlier that if I am wasting his time and he isn't in love with me nor needs me for nothing then fine please move on and pursue happiness even though I will be miserable without him . texts about how he cant figure me oput and I truly confuse him . changing from then to now. how I can be so difficult and how he cant take it we need time away from each other although he does love me . what 1 day im not doing him any good diesnt love or need me to the next day claiming im to different that he needs space and im very shocked now . then next evening I get a call from his baby momma saying shes worried about him he called crying claiming to not want to be here anymore because he cant make me happy and then he hung up and wont answer . then I call his mom where I thought based on him saying so that he was there. she says no he called and saying good bye and he loved her and me and good bye . so next his brother calls me concerned as his mother called him and no one nos where he is and he isn't where he said he was and he woint answer the phone although it isn't shut off and I am panicing I figure he is crying because not making me happy he should answer my calls . no so I get the neighbor to watch my kids and I drive around every where from about 10:30 to about 3 am with no luck . I have no clue where and no one I called knew where he was . so I get home crying I fell asleep and at 7 I woke up called no answer called again no answer then finally he answers hes like hey what happened? I am pissed off and relieved and I break in to tears telling him how I was scared and worried and what where and why is he no where . he claims no where to go no money and so he feel asleep in his van at the park. im very demanding for him to come home and he says later and I push fpr no he shows up shortly and brings tamales and I just hug him and he me and latterly its a]so intense . he is so emotional as I am and it hurts to know how much I love him . were great the next day today Monday and already we have disagreed on steps to conquer in my grandmothers house remodel which I have been doing without his help because he cant do and I don't just hire someone I HAVE BEEN learning and slowly getting done what I can , so he actually wants to help and instantly he starts mentioning what and how hard things are and I am trying to mention the improvements and disregard his negatives and it becomes an argument of me not seeing the tings hes saying and I arguing I do I am just oiptimistke , he says I take no advice and I say what are you advicing me ? your only pointing out the crap I need solutions to . so he leaves and I stay , feeling once again stupid , stubborn and selfish , what is going on and how if at all can I fix me or him and mainly us back to the best friends and great company we had been to one another . im worried about losing him and losing my spirit not to mentioin fearing him hurting himself. please help asap
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-12-2013, 07:40 AM
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Re: wow where,when , how to start?

Wow, I can see why you are feeling so confused with his feelings changing so abruptly. Everyone needs to feel a measure of confidence and consistency in their partners affections but it sounds like your man is going through something and dealing with personal doubts.

IDK what to advise you but maybe if you try to just listen to his feelings behind the words instead of trying to talk him out of whatever it is that he is feeling? Maybe you should post in the General Relationship section you would get more replies.
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