Re: Living with a narcissist
I wasn't strong enough to leave my NPD husband for many years, even though he routinely made me feel small. He literally waved me away and/or shushed me when he'd get tired of hearing me speak, yet his lectures about all the ways I could be a better person - right down to how I didn't walk "right," could go on and on. His own sister and brother told me on more than one occasion over the years that they didn't know how I could live with him and stand to be treated the way he treated me. I should probably someday send the OW he left me for a Thank You note for taking him off my hands.
He is already trying to reprogram her. She is overweight - obese, really. When he left, he took a whole bunch of my size 6 and 8 clothes that he didn't think I was wearing anymore with him. When I asked him why, he told me the lie I'm sure he told himself: that he thought removing clothes he had bought for me from the house would make me feel better. He used to buy me clothes that were one or two sizes too small for me - he even once said, to give me the incentive "to lose the weight."
His Dad psychologically abused him as a child. Made him walk on egg shells around him, rather than make him mad enough to give him a beating. Took his dog out into the back yard and shot him one night when he (my ex) was 8 years old, because the dog was old "and suffering" rather than at least pay to have him euthanized. There is the trauma from which he will never recover, inflicted on a son by a father.
You can't fix narcissists. Not full-blown ones like my ex who think they are perfect and incapable of doing anything wrong. I agree with the advice about making an exit plan. And I commend the women strong enough to leave. I'm fortunate he found a new victim and left me for her, rather than continue to diminish and devalue me for another 25 years. Or even another 5.