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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-29-2013, 11:59 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy getting annoyed after ten years

DH and I have been married for ten years. We have a daughter in elementary school. Lately, I've been really annoyed with my husband. He's always been a "smart ass" but it bothers me lately and I wish he would stop. He has always put people down but that bugs me lately too. He treats me fine, for the most part. My friends think I'm lucky...he helps around the house, is a wonderful father, hardworking/go getter type, buys me nice presents, makes me laugh, supports me, etc. I have always longed for a husband who would tell me that I am pretty, beautiful and sexy. Not constantly, just once in a while would be nice. He does not do this. I have told him that this makes me sad that he doesn't do it. I have realized that his self esteem is so low that this is hard for him. That's my theory. I don't want my daughter to pick up on this condescending type thing he's got going on. I don't want her to think that you "elevate" yourself by putting others down. I'm not perfect, nobody is, but I'm just getting tired of these things. He's shy and worried about what people think at times, that bugs me too. Sorry for all of the complaining, but I need to vent. I know that this is how he has always been and I should've realized this ten years ago. I would never want to break our family up over this. It would just be nice to approach the issues without having a big fight. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you. is offline  
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-16-2013, 09:46 PM
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Re: getting annoyed after ten years

It's hard for a anyone, especially a woman not to receive compliments from her husband. While the low self-esteem may make it hard for him to compliment anyone else, men generally have a harder time expressing feelings in words. Furthermore, while you may need verbal expressions of his love for you, he may have others way that he shows you. You may find this article helpful in understanding how he may be showing you love in other ways and how you can work together to show each other love in the ways that you both need.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-18-2013, 03:09 PM
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Re: getting annoyed after ten years

You should BOTH read "His Needs, Her Needs". You may be telling each other ILY in YOUR language, but the other person is not hearing it in HIS/HER language.

Learn to speak the other's language so you know your message is being 'heard' the way you intend it to! It'll only cost you the price of a book and a little bit of time....
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