Are some people incapable of introspection? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 41 (permalink) Old 02-19-2014, 06:28 PM
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

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Originally Posted by Mavash. View Post
The way I see it is introspection generally means pain. Pain as in owning your bad behavior and bad decisions possibly pain from a neglectful childhood.

I believe we are capable of introspection but many choose not to go there because they can't. It's too painful. I believe something dark drives people to act like this and it's not a happy memory.

It appears as if some cheaters are just selfish but if you dig a bit deeper you find a sense of entitlement and dysfunction that goes back to childhood. It had nothing to do with you and you can't save someone that doesn't wish to be saved.
Wow. I think you are right on target here. My H seems incapable of introspection. He's certainly smart enough, but I think he just doesn't want to face it.

He has a painful past. Same girl cheated on him 3 times. He also has done shameful things. He spent 9 years in a relationship with a married woman. He worked with both the husband and wife and I don't know how he could work his way through the daily lies that took to pull off that charade.

So now he doesn't look inside at all. I'm guessing he never did, but he certainly doesn't want to and he's willing to lose his wife and kids rather than go inside himself.

At least I understand why now. I always thought he just wasn't willing. Now I think it's because he isn't strong enough.

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post #32 of 41 (permalink) Old 02-20-2014, 06:44 AM
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

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Narcissists are incapable of introspection


"Letís take a look at why malignant narcissists not only don't change but become worse. Keep in mind, they have mastered a lifetime of this twisted way of being in the world, and are always pushing their warped behavior to the limits.


Narcissists are incapable of introspection. The narcissist maintains their delusions of superiority by constantly dodging reality. They refuse to take a good look at themselves because the feedback would not flatter them, and the narcissist must always appear good, even to themselves. They are incapable of looking inward and learning from experience, and instead opt to live in a state of denial. If you think your silence will send a malignant narcissist into deep thought about the relationship and their part in it, think again. The only thing the narcissist will be doing is stewing in hatred for you and pity for themselves.

Introspection can be defined as self-examination or the detailed mental examination of your own feelings, thoughts, and motives. Implicit in the word is that one will do this with self-honesty such that oneís flaws can be discovered, examined, and perhaps even corrected."

read more here....

The Narcissist's Child: Narcissists are incapable of introspection

While your husband and others might not be narcissists, many people cannot self-examine because they are too tied to the emotional and behavioral patterns that they learned early in life to cope.
Wow is that insightful.

Thanks for sharing. This smells like my wife on the surface. Almost to a T.
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post #33 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-10-2014, 04:55 PM
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

Why was ClipClop banned? I like her posts.
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post #34 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-17-2014, 07:23 AM
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

Holy crap this is my dilemna too. My wife only responds with I don't know.

-Does she not know?
-Does she not want to share?
-Does she know but not understand how to explain?

I truly believe that you can't "i dont know" your way through a marriage. I feel abandoned because I cant get any read on my wife. "I don't know" makes me feel like I'm talking to the lawn mower. As much as I like it, I wouldnt marry it.
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post #35 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-17-2014, 07:51 AM
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

Yes, my sister...
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post #36 of 41 (permalink) Old 07-28-2014, 06:11 AM
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

People who appear to lack introspection are just playing crazy.... expecting you to fill in the blanks.

Behavior like that alienates me and makes me want to plan an exit strategy. With someone you're just dating, an exit strategy is easy. With someone you are married to, I can understand it takes more effort, planning an introspection. but after dealing with people who want to play crazy instead of acting informed and responsible, I just can't be bothered.

In fact, one way to hasten the exit is to play as dumb as they play. that's when they realise that the game is up......
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post #37 of 41 (permalink) Old 07-28-2014, 09:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

My lawnmower doesn't have much to say, but its new blade is pretty Sharp!

I think playing crazy says they are willing to sacrifice you to protect themselves.

Not being able to tell the truth when they think the truth will send you packing for instance... Claiming they love you and don't want to lose you as a good reason to lie. It is sad and head shaking. Love? That's love?

Anyway... Caring is low. I'm not unhappy. I'm not totally indifferent. I'm busy at work, about to do some business travel and we had a fun weekend. It is weird. I care less and I'm happier. But he feels the difference
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post #38 of 41 (permalink) Old 07-28-2014, 10:39 AM
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

Introspection can cause paralysis. There are plenty of great TAM posters who hash things over and understand their situation but action is beyond them. I feel that way often.

Denying the unpleasant truths allows people to go on with their lives.
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post #39 of 41 (permalink) Old 07-28-2014, 11:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

What's the Rush lyric? Out of context, but choosing not to decide is still a choice. Same for action.

That's fine if you can live with and accept that by not choosing or not acting you are responsible for your predicament. You are not a victim any longer.

Once you have enough information....

Ah. The problem is revealed!

Perfect clarity vs. Making a decision
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post #40 of 41 (permalink) Old 07-28-2014, 04:57 PM
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

I don't care about your inner child, only the outer adult.


Is there such thing as insanity among penguins? - Werner Herzog
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post #41 of 41 (permalink) Old 07-28-2014, 06:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are some people incapable of introspection?

they can be very similar in some people.
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