Its literally making me so depressed. I feel like he hates me and I cant figure out why he is staying. I love him, I do. Because I know what kind of a man he is deep down and he is an AMAZING father. But this is just to much to bare.
Thanks for sharing some of your experiences with your husband. When you look at what you wrote above, you can begin to 'own' some of your feeling truths.
For example: You are depressed about the sexual accusations and other difficult behavior you are receiving from your husband. Depression usually shows up when there is 'sadness' and 'anger that is turned inwards.' So take some time to look at your sadness and where you may be angry about how your husband is treating you.
Breathe in, breathe out. Take some time for yourself to consider how you want to be spoken to and how you would like to begin to talk with your husband about your feelings of potential sadness and anger. You have to decide for yourself first how you want to be spoken to and treated, by anyone, not just your husband.
After careful consideration of your own truths, desires and needs, you can gently begin to create respectful 'boundaries' with your husband. You can start by simply letting him know that, "I do not like the way you're speaking to me. It is disrespectful and NOT OK with me any longer. I want to shift the way we make love. I don't like the word F*** and I don't ever want you to accuse me of having sex with anyone else ever again. I want us to be nice and respectful to each other. I want to be with the man I fell in love with 11 years ago. And, most importantly, I want to do this feeling-appreciation work with you, my dear husband. NOT against you and not against me." ...Obviously you'd use your own words and desires here.
This feeling work I speak of is work that you can do for yourself, by yourself, in preparation for any feeling work you then want to do with your husband. You get to redefine how you are in relationship with your husband, and then gently include him in on your process. Does that make sense to you?
Let me know how it starts to evolve for you. Let me know how you choose to go and what you choose to create with your husband. Remember: be patient, be kind and be honest about how you feel.