Completly Lost - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 02:35 PM Thread Starter
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Completly Lost

I am hoping I am posting this in the right place but I am completly lost in my relationship and I am trying to find some sort of direction before my brain is completly fried. I hope someone here can help me figure out what I should and shouldnt be doing. But to give you a little background on us I am 39 and she is 31. We have been together now for 4 years and engaged for 2 of them. We had meet years ago through this girl I was seeing, She started seeing my roomate at the time and we all were really good friends. She only dated my roomate for a summer before she moved back to same area I am from. A few months later I decided that it was time for me to move back to the same area as well because I was too far from my kids. We remained friends and were always talking. One day I convinced her that she needed to get her first tattoo (I'm a tattoo artist) while she was at my shop hanging out. She jumped right up and was all excited that I wanted to give her, her first tattoo. When I finished the tattoo I told her she owed me a kiss for the ink and pointed at my cheek. Well she stepped it right up and suprised me by grabbing me and giving me the most amazing kiss I have ever had. The memory of that one kiss is forever burned into my brain. After that kiss we still remained friends but we started fooling around with each other here and there for almost 2 years. Till one day someone asked us if we were dating. We just looked at each other and were like no were not dating were just friends who fool around. After a few hours about thinking about it we looked at each other again and we were both like holy **** I think we are together. I was spending almost all my time with her, staying at my place maybe once a week. So we decided to move in together. Everything was amazing everyone of our friends hated us because we were always so happy together and we got along so well. For the first 2 years we didnt have not one dissagreement. Now everything has changed for the extreme worse. Of course not everything can be that peachy forever, I understand everyone is gonna dissagree at some point. But now our dissagreements have become very intense the littlest things are setting us both off and its resulting in us not even wanting to be around each other. She has now become very disinterested in me. I will try to start fooling around with her and she acts like its now a chore to have sex with me. She becomes very offencive and jumps back when I try to give her a hug or a kiss. I tell her many times a day how beautiful she is and how much she means to me. My feelings for her have only grown stronger over the time. It so bad now it to the point she acts so dissinterested that I cant even function properly sexually. I feel so bad and so much less of a man because I cant keep it up anymore. I even tried pills and they barely even work for me. I feel like she is no longer in love with me even her body langaue shows me how much disinterest she has. She is the absoult love of my life there is no way I could ever live without her. But our problems have become so much of a distraction. I no longer can focas on work all my brain wants to do is think about what is going wrong and how do I fix it. No matter what I do thats all my brain will go to thinking. All I want to do is find a section of what we used to have and try to bring that back. I miss the way she smiles when shes happy. I havent seen that smile in a long time I feel dead and worthless and I dont know what to do anymore.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-08-2014, 12:41 AM
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Re: Completly Lost

It does sound pretty awful.

If she's so unhappy, why is she staying? What does she say about all of this?

The first thing you need to do is to deal with yourself and get yourself in a much better place.
First your mental state needs to be addressed. You sound extremely depressed. I'd suggest that you see a doctor about depression. Ask for a medication that does not interfere with your sex drive. Wellbutrin is a good one for that. Keep in mind that the meds do not numb you. They take away the despair so you can deal with the issues at hand.

Then get into individual counseling. You need to find a way to get beyond the way you feel so badly about yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness. So you need to find that again.

Get into some kind of exercise program as that will also help you mentally and physically.

Now in dealing with her. Being needy is very very unattractive. So stop that. Part of how you stop it is to do the things above. Then also stop any whining, begging, pleading, etc. that you are doing. Pull back emotionally for a while. Look at the 180 link below. Take that and modify it for your situation. For the next few weeks, while you pull yourself together, interact with her in that manner. It will give you time to gather yourself and to heal.

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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-18-2014, 04:54 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Delaware
Posts: 489
Re: Completly Lost

Ele girl is pretty much spot on. Your gonna have some hard conversations ahead of you and will have to possibly swallow some things you don't want to hear. Don't defend yourself, just listen to whAt she has to say.

The ED thing is all in your head and will clear up on its own if you can fix whatever has come between you two.
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