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post #1 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 05:09 PM Thread Starter
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Divorce Busting

Does anyone have an opinion of Michele Weiner-Davis "Divorce Busting"?

Divorce Busting® - How to Save Your Marriage, Solve Marriage Problems, and Stop Divorce

"She believes that the vast majority of divorces in our country are absolutely unnecessary because most relationship problems are solvable."

Has anyone worked with her?

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post #2 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 05:12 PM
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Re: Divorce Busting

oh my god. Not again.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #3 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 05:21 PM
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Re: Divorce Busting

My opinion of Michele Weiner-Davis Divorce Busting She's just another author trying to petal a book to desperate people seeking quick answers or Quick solutions not every problem can be solved in a relationship and in some cases divorce is the best answer..

The brain can be deceived and can misread signs and can at times be wrong.The heart doesn't care about facts and is frequently wrong.The "little head" is almost always wrong.

But the gut is very very rarely ever wrong.
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post #4 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 05:35 PM
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Re: Divorce Busting

More people trying to sell their books!
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post #5 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 05:38 PM
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Re: Divorce Busting

Good grief. OK.

So I'll bite. Morbid curiosity at this point.

LadyM, what are *your* thoughts on divorce busting? You've mentioned that your marriage got so bad that it fell on you to fix it, the only other option being divorce, which you did not want.

What made it so bad? You've mentioned your husband having career issues. What specifically caused things to get so bad that you felt the path you took was the only option left?
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post #6 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 05:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Divorce Busting

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Originally Posted by Davelli0331 View Post
LadyM, what are *your* thoughts on divorce busting? You've mentioned that your marriage got so bad that it fell on you to fix it, the only other option being divorce, which you did not want.
Well, of course, there is that similarity. More importantly, I like her theme. I've browsed her website but I haven't read her books.

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What made it so bad? You've mentioned your husband having career issues. What specifically caused things to get so bad that you felt the path you took was the only option left?
I don't think it's accurate to say it was the only option left. It was really more an accidental coincidence of marital problems that gave a spark and set things on a particular course.

Michele is much more conventional in her approach, it seems. So I'm wondering if her approach might be more accepted here. She seems to be making a similar observation about marriage and divorce.
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post #7 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 06:11 PM
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Re: Divorce Busting

Dig and I specifically sought out a counselor specifically in her network of professionals. Do not be misled by the name, though. Our counselor advised that more often than not, couples get divorced. I was told I was in the minority in that Dig was exceptional in being able to drop his ego, look beyond my transgressions and attempt reconciliation.

I recall that she said not everyone is able to "fix" a marriage and that the Marriage Busters ideology was to try to save the marriage first, unless there was extreme duress; at which point individual counseling to each partner was advised.
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post #8 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 06:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Divorce Busting

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Dig and I specifically sought out a counselor specifically in her network of professionals. Do not be misled by the name, though. Our counselor advised that more often than not, couples get divorced. I was told I was in the minority in that Dig was exceptional in being able to drop his ego, look beyond my transgressions and attempt reconciliation.

I recall that she said not everyone is able to "fix" a marriage and that the Marriage Busters ideology was to try to save the marriage first, unless there was extreme duress; at which point individual counseling to each partner was advised.
Does their network have a higher success rate or is it just marketing? (Don't all marriage counselors try first to save?) I don't mean to sound cynical but you have the best first-hand knowledge so far and you seem to be implying that.
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post #9 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 06:25 PM
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Re: Divorce Busting

In My opinion, the counselor far exceeded the first counselor we went to. The first one harped on Dig that he should get past my 5 year long affair as if I had accidentally burnt toast.

Even as the wayward, I knew that was wrong and certainly not what he needed. So, I had seen a link to her website...liked what I saw and presented the idea to Dig. He approved of her methodology and was willing to give it a chance.

However, you must know - my husband is so alpha male that he doesn't need to show it. He simply is. He never rolled over on his belly to what I had done and certainly held my feet to the fire in my accountability.

Our counselor simply utilized our strengths to help us rebuild our broken marriage.

Again, if it wasn't for Dig's ability to see me for who I am without letting his ego rule the roost, I'd probably be a divorcee right now. It wasn't about the method. It was about the individual and their (his) ability to forgive.
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post #10 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 06:36 PM
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Re: Divorce Busting

Like any reputable marriage counselor, she makes it clear that there is no saving a marriage when problems like addiction, serious emotional abuse, physical abuse, uncontrolled mental illnesses, etc are going on. These things must be managed or fixed before a marriage can be fixed first. Since the spouse without the affliction can not fix the other, that person usually needs to just leave the marriage.

DB is for non hardcore cases. It does talk about one spouse using unilateral techniques and behavior modification to get the other to change. It can work in some cases. But in some marriages one or both spouses hold on to their ego, or point of view and will not change. So divorce is often the healthier choice.

The things that you suggest fall into the serious abuse catagory. Your nonsense has nothing in common with DB
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post #11 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by ladymisato View Post
Does their network have a higher success rate or is it just marketing? (Don't all marriage counselors try first to save?) I don't mean to sound cynical but you have the best first-hand knowledge so far and you seem to be implying that.
Higher success rate than what?
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post #12 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 07:06 PM
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Re: Divorce Busting


"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
-My wife
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post #13 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 08:12 PM
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Re: Divorce Busting

Why did you have the affair, Regret?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #14 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 08:17 PM
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Why did you have the affair, Regret?

Click my user name and read my story. I've been here for more than two years. Just not as active a poster.
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post #15 of 50 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 09:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Divorce Busting

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Originally Posted by Regret214 View Post
In My opinion, the counselor far exceeded the first counselor we went to. The first one harped on Dig that he should get past my 5 year long affair as if I had accidentally burnt toast.

Even as the wayward, I knew that was wrong and certainly not what he needed. So, I had seen a link to her website...liked what I saw and presented the idea to Dig. He approved of her methodology and was willing to give it a chance.

However, you must know - my husband is so alpha male that he doesn't need to show it. He simply is. He never rolled over on his belly to what I had done and certainly held my feet to the fire in my accountability.

Our counselor simply utilized our strengths to help us rebuild our broken marriage.

Again, if it wasn't for Dig's ability to see me for who I am without letting his ego rule the roost, I'd probably be a divorcee right now. It wasn't about the method. It was about the individual and their (his) ability to forgive.
Do I understand correctly that the Divorce Busting network counselor was a better marital problem solver than the first one but not necessarily anything to do with the philosophy I quoted? (There is much more on the website that might be more relevant to the difference between them and, of course, maybe one was just better than the other.)
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