I am truly sorry to hear that you are going through so much, but girl while reading through all of the messages you posted and some of the answers, I can't believe what I have read. I am not the type that would say, "leave your husband" that's not me at all. But what I am going to say is this, in reading your post I see nothing but excuses that you are making for this man who is emotionally and mentally abusing you. Even if it's only just one time that he pushed you down, it's still physical abuse and if something isn't done, thing it may happen more often. I know that you don't want to leave your husband and I wouldn't suggest that, but if his behavior is this appalling then leaving may be the wake up call he needs. No one has the right to call you out of your name and then in the presence of your child, that's so far from cool. The longer you stay without taking a stand the worse it's going to get and the more abuse your child will have to witness and you will have to endure. I feel that the reason he treats you this way is because he sees you as a frail person that poses no threat to him, you have not stood up for yourself so he treats you like a doormat. I don't know you from a hole in the ground, but I say, that no one deserves this kind of treatment. Suggest counseling once again maybe just for him alone and then afterwards, if he agrees to go, integrate family counseling. If he can't accept it, then he leaves you no other choice but for you to leave him. Eventhough a woman is to be submissive to her husband, God does not intend for women to be abused on any level. He didn't create you to be a doormat or a punching bag, he created us from the rib of Adam. A woman is suppose to be treated as a queen, this is what you deserve. But you have to know that you deserve it. Stop making excuses for him, there is a big difference between miscommunication and changing what you've said so you can make the other partner feel at fault. It's not his ego, it's his inability to take responsibility for his own insecurities. Your husband is no doubt going through something, but whatever it is, either he needs to let you help him deal with it or he needs to get it under control, because his behavior is ridiculous, and much like that of a immature child. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but abuse is abuse, there is no sugar coating it, and if you don't take a stand and find some type of resolution, then I feel you are in danger.
Homemaker and Unbelievable, Thank you sooo very much for your advices. I read every word you two wrote because they are so helpful. I post another post on the thinking to divorce page and everyone would tell me to leave my husband and that i'm mentally abuse. I probably am... But I don't want to leave my husband. I know he has a bad temper, that he not affectionate, workaholic and that he may take me for granted. But we have been through a lot together. I want to save this marriage even if there is a slight chance possible.
I know we have differences but to me, we can sit down and talk and come to a compromise because we love each other. To him, it's my way or no way. If I don't listen to him or agree with him, he takes it personal like I'm against him and start putting me down, like the other day I returned a vacuum cleaner and said it's not good. But he said it's had a good rating so I must be wrong. When I said I don't care about other people ratings, I care about my own experience with the vacuum cleaner, he said I was stupid and would not talk to me for 2 days. Or when I told him to go to doctor because he kept having this weird stomachache, he yelled at me saying I was annoying and that if he died, it has nothing to do with me. Or when he told me to buy green grapes and when I took green grapes home he said I told you red grapes. Oh well, to me it's misunderstanding but he was angry saying I was out of mind and my ears got problem. I told him I square I heard green... it's just miscommunication and just don't make a big deal of it... yet he still got mad saying I was a liar and got mad for a day. I feel like I always have to take the short ends no matter what.
You were right Homemaker, I don't want to leave him because besides the hot temper and calling me names when he's mad, he is a good father. He works hard to provide (He chooses to work hard), he's faithful (he's never a lady man anyway) and he does not physically hurt me (although one time he kept calling me the B word and I told him to stop, finally I said the next word come from your mouth will apply to your mom. He got mad and pushed me down and said "If you say one word about my mom, I will kill you"). He used to have hyperthyroid with the mood problem so he is very moody and I used to put up with that. Now the disorder is fixed but his moodiness and anger gets worse.
My problem IS NOT about infidelity. It's about differences and lack of communication. and my husband is the one who's not willing to communicate. If we talk, either I agree with him or we stop talking. If I push it, he yelled and curse. If I make up with him, he's okay but we both avoid talking about it and his behavior escalates the next time. I think I have my share of the false too. In the past when he's mad or angry, I still want to talk about the problem. Then when he screamed or called me names. I cried and a few days later I made up with him and we did not talk about what happened any more. But in a sense I did not let him know I did not like him to say hurting words. I just accept it and tolerated it. He probably treats me this way because I became totally dependent on him emotionally and now financially because I have no family or relatives to look after my baby.
To tell you of my background. I was away for college 3.5 years and about to come home with her in a week... She passed away before I could see her. At the time I was lonely and I needed love, so I got married with my husband as planed even though there was an issue about him telling me to live 8 hour away from my family with him or we go each other way. I accepted the condition. Then as I was about to get over the death of my mom and be happy with our coming baby, I learned he had fluid in his lungs for unknown reason and I had an emergency C-section. My baby did not make it out of the ICU. I lost him a month after that. My husband and I almost went to separation because I realized he did not treat me right during my pregnancy: raised the voice, yelled, shut the door and left with the only car we had when he got mad and I was home alone at night with no family around. Even at the death of my son, he made me apology to his mom for something I said. (I gave my son the last bath and combed his hair. His mom took away the comb and said "you don't know how to comb. ugly. let me do it." My son was dying and I was still calm enough to say: "he's beautiful no matter how I comb". My huband told me I could not talk back to his mom and if I did not apologize to her he would leave. So I did because I wanted peace but I still think I was force to do it.
He even said hurtful words like : "you are useless, you can't even have a healthy baby" a few months after when argued. He likes to say things that hurt my feeling and it makes him feel smart and that's he's winning. I can not pretend like I don't hear it. I tried to tell him it hurts my feeling but he said well "then don't make me mad". I think he takes me for granted because whenever he treats me bad or want to leave me, I would cry and it satisfied him. One time while driving he told me to say "sorry" to him for something if not he would hit the car in the divider of the freeway. I was scared and I said sorry, then I busted into crying that was when he hugged me and said he loved me. And of course I forgave him. He threaten to divorce me every now and then really, I'm not scared of not being with him but I want to be for my daughter sake. I don't want she miss out of a father's figure. But he does not understand that, he thinks I needs him. He once told me, "As long as you listen to me and we don't fight too much, I will not divorce you because I don't think you can survive without me".
I will go to MC for sure on my own. Maybe I have to change myself. I always say I love you, I need you, I will follow you every where you go (since he wants to move out of state in a few years). I'm always happy next to him and ready for him whenever he tells me to do something and I never have my own opinion because I don't want to go against him. I thought if I take care of my baby with all my energy, love him and obey him with all my heart he would love me the same but I guess it does not work that way. Someone told me to show him I don't need him anymore. I heard of the 180 act. It will be hard but I will try to do it. The last 2 weeks I did not talk him, I did my own things and did not ask him for help. Please tell me if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I also look into MC for myself and talk to friends to get mental support. You guys here are of great help too and I very appreciate you all. Please tell me if I'm on the right track on what should I do? Thanks so much again.