Do you have children? Or is it just you and your husband?
I am sorry that you are going through this. As you know all too well, the abuse drags you down until you don't even know who you are anymore. Now you just want to hide from the world.
Thinking of leaving him is too much for you right now. It's like if someone gave you a bucket and shovel and told you to move a mountain. You'd look at the mountain and that little bucket & shovel and say that there is no reason to even try because you could not dig out that mountain in one life time, or 10 life times.
Now if you had a plan, a team of engineers and some dynamite you could move that mountain.
So that's what you need to do. Stop beating up on yourself. Build a support group (your 'engineers'), get a plan and the dynamite will be the energy you get when you start to feel stronger.
Look for a center for domestic abuse near where you live. Call them and start counseling with them. Also see if they have a safe house that you can go to.
Do a good search on "domestic violence exit plan". Here's a link to one site. Find 2-3 sites and read up on their suggested plan and then make one that fits your situation. Dr. Phil.com - Advice - An Exit Action Plan: Guidelines for Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Also search for "cycle of domestic violence". This is what abusers do, they are nice for a while, then they start with the abuse, then they apologize. And so the cycle goes.
Have you ever called the police on your husband? Do you have bruises, cuts, etc from him abuse?
Keep posting here for support. You can do this.