geogirl

We have had a 20 yr roller coaster ride. My husband absolutely refuses counseling. I believe he has had EA's, ( I can think of at least 5) he denies it. He is emotionally distant, withholds sex and affirmation, is financially irresponsible, and probably feels trapped most of the time. He tells me that I nag, belittle him and that my insecurity is not his problem. I have felt unloved, abandoned, sometimes ugly (in his eyes) and ineffective at effecting a positive change. Well, without specifics that is the bad parts of our 20yrs in a nutshell. Today my husband agreed to spending time to better our relationship by spending 10-30 min. a night or at least a few nights a week reading a book together and doing whatever it says. He said I can even pick out one of those christian books I have. So which one do we choose? I am willing to order one, but to start with I have quite a few on hand.

1. The five love languages, Gary Chapman 2. Love must be tough, Dr. James Dobson 3. Getting the Love you want, Harville Hendrix 4. Emothional Fitness for couples, Barton Goldsmith 5. The Love Dare with the movie Fireproof


Any additional suggestions on what has helped you and a vote on which book to start with is greatly appreciated.

HappyWife40

One of the best Christian marriage books (in my opinion) is Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. It has a section for wives and a section for husbands. You can also get a workbook to go along with it. It is absolutely amazing.

Also, The Five Love Languages is a very helpful book. It can really show each of you how the other person feels love.

YinPrincess

I love "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deidra. Most men, (and women) appreciate his approach. Not really a 'couples' book, but my husband and I both enjoyed it, very, very much. (Not a christian book).

I've read a few of the books mentioned, but I have to say, those don't really appeal to men as much as they appeal to women, and keeping his interest is vital.

If he's being distant, I suggest not cramming the book down his throat... (I've tried this approach many times... never works lol).

Leave it where he can see it, and I'm sure he'll be intrigued by the title. The book can also really help you understand him, and his needs, as a man.

HappyWife40

If you two would rather watch a video, Mark Gungor has a great series called How to Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. He is a Christian marriage counselor who teaches marriage seminars. The best thing about him is that he uses a lot of humor and he is not "preachy." We watched this series with our marriage group and everyone loved it (especially the men).

lovesherman

I love His Needs, Her Needs and Lovebusters by Willard Harley. The 5 Love Languages is good too.

Duddy

The 5 Love Languages is a great book.

One book that I'm really surprised isn't as well know is a book called "Hold me Tight" by Dr. Sue Johnson. It was first published back in 2008 and you can usually find it in your local library or get it second hand on Amazon etc.

Dr. John Gottman of "The Love Lab" fame (not to mention some of the most important marital relationship research of the last 30 years) calls her the "best couples therapist in the world", in his review of this book.

Most of the Gottman books are incredible as well. They also have some very popular couples communication training packages, with cds and dvds etc. All their books and stuff can be found at the Gottman Institute online.

I would definitely start with the the "Hold me Tight" book.

It's the marital therapy research and and the revolutionary emotional communication process that she guides reading couples through, that's really important.

Many other popular couples books around these days, borrow heavily from the model in "Hold me Tight."

Hope that helps, and I look forward to reading other book suggestions too.

__________________
The Pro Marriage Counselor,
http://thepromarriagecounselor.com/

Ten_year_hubby

Are you and your husband religious? Do you both want to be? Do you go to church regularly?