Need to "unofficially" get married, help?

mikide · 06-21-2011, 07:11 AM

Hello everyone, I am new here, found this forum on the net and am trying to get some help for my situation. Short version, could not have a relationship with my childhood sweetheart because her brothers were and still are my best friends so out of loyalty to these guys I decided back then to let her go. Now, some 30 years later God sent her back into my life after she separated from her 2nd husband who said he's never going to give her a divorce [not because of us].

She lives in the other end of the country and we are both in a similar situation, I got divorced years ago but still live with my ex and my 2 boys in the same house simply because my kids [22 and 12] are my life and I cannot live without them besides the fact that I think I owe it to them and it is my responsibility to not separate them from their mother even at my own expense, my girlfriend is in the same boat because her 2 young kids [12 and 6] have their dads where they currently live, we met once last year and will be doing so [fingers crossed] in an day or two but the long distance relationship is killing us and she can't handle it very well and have asked me to marry her in any way possible.

I want to marry her so I will know that she's mine FINALLY but since we cannot legally do so I am seeking some unofficial way to do this in the next few days, our reason for wanting to do is to seal our commitment to each other for good. We both would like a priest to do marry us so we do this in the eyes of God but I am thinking Priests are bound by law to perform ceremonies legally, I am being told that maybe a Notary Public may do this but I am thinking they too will be bound by law to see a marriage license?

Anyone got any ideas or leads which could help us please? Thanks.

2nd_t!me iz_best · 06-21-2011, 11:18 AM

anybody who can legally marry people is is bound by the law.
if you are in the united states, she should be able to file whether he wants to or not.
in my state the defendant has 30 days to reply after you file and they are served. if they do not reply your attorney can then file for a default judgement.
i certainly do not see anything happening in the next few days for you two. nothing legal any ways or something that cant get you in jail.

mikide · 06-21-2011, 11:36 AM

Yes we are in the US, main problem with her divorce is he wants her to pay him half of her possessions before he should agree, I am the one telling her not give the bastard one red cent. Thanks for the info anyway.

Free · 07-29-2011, 04:47 PM

There are some pastors who will marry without a license, but only if they have not already been authorized by the state to marry people. Finding one of those can be tricky. My advice would be to scour the Internet for any possible names. Googling "government-free marriage" or "marriage without a license" may help.

One guy comes to mind named Matt Twehalla (or it may be Trehalla, not sure). I've read some of his articles on marriage and I know he advocates unofficial marriages. I have to warn you though, I can't recall exactly what made me think so, but I remember looking at some of his other doctrines that don't relate to marriage and thinking the guy was a bit looney (apologies if he's anyone's pastor here, it's just my opinion). Still, if you contact him, he may be able to tell you about ministers in your area that may be willing to officiate without a license. There's another pastor I saw on a YouTube interview, but his name won't come to me now. Sorry.

You can also have someone you know who is not an authorized officiant bless your union. This person can be a best friend, family member or someone in your community who is willing to do so. I know you want it blessed by God, which is good, but there's nothing in the bible or other holy text that I'm aware of that says it has to be by a priest, minister or a pastor. Most of them would frown on what you're about to do anyway since she's still legally married.

As I told someone in another thread, just be sure that you work out the legal things like power of attorney, living trusts, etc. with an actual attorney first. Since she's still legally married, you can expect to have some issues with property rights, medical rights and so forth, but an attorney can paint a better picture for you than I can.

There's an inexpensive ebook on Amazon called marriage without a license, but I'm not sure it would help you on the actual "how to" part. It may, however, help to give you some insight on what you're about to do.

I can't stress enough how important it is to talk to an attorney though. With minor children and real estate involved, this could get very, very messy if you don't legally protect yourselves even without a marriage license.

mikide · 08-02-2011, 07:03 AM

Thank you very much for the advice, will look into it!