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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-01-2015, 11:07 AM Thread Starter
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My husband is having trouble moving forward from late wife

i married a wonderful man that lost his wife after 25 yrs of marriage to Cancer. She was suffering for many yrs and lost the battle after 10 yrs in 2010. Someone put him on a site to start to date again and we met and married after living together 3 yrs. so she is dead 5 yrs. but he still reminisces with his kids when we go some place that was there place or stories what they did, and it bothers me that his passed life with her is interfering with my life with him. I've told him how I don't care to hear about his past because I wasn't in his life and I wish he would keep it to himself and I remind him we have a life now and he should focus on the now not the past. and it annoys him when I get upset when he brings me somewhere that was in his past . I don't frown a pond him reminiscing when he's with his kids because that was their Mom, but they do it purposely to upset me b/c they r selfish adults that don't take into consideration that he deserves a life. He's only 60 and I'm 50. What's your thoughts?

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-01-2015, 11:29 AM
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Re: My husband is having trouble moving forward from late wife

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i married a wonderful man that lost his wife after 25 yrs of marriage to Cancer. She was suffering for many yrs and lost the battle after 10 yrs in 2010. Someone put him on a site to start to date again and we met and married after living together 3 yrs. so she is dead 5 yrs. but he still reminisces with his kids when we go some place that was there place or stories what they did, and it bothers me that his passed life with her is interfering with my life with him. I've told him how I don't care to hear about his past because I wasn't in his life and I wish he would keep it to himself and I remind him we have a life now and he should focus on the now not the past. and it annoys him when I get upset when he brings me somewhere that was in his past . I don't frown a pond him reminiscing when he's with his kids because that was their Mom, but they do it purposely to upset me b/c they r selfish adults that don't take into consideration that he deserves a life. He's only 60 and I'm 50. What's your thoughts?
He spent better than 1/3rd of his life with his first wife. Then he had to watch her die a slow painful death. Missing her is not something he can control. Nor should he.

Keeping the memory of her alive for his children is so important. He is now the only link left of the family they once had.

He can love you and still love her. Ya know? You cannot replace her...ever. Nor should you try. You are a part of the next phase of his life. Rejoice in the fact that you married a man that loves so deeply, that even death does not stop it. That is the love he now shares with you.

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-01-2015, 11:44 AM
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Re: My husband is having trouble moving forward from late wife

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He spent better than 1/3rd of his life with his first wife. Then he had to watch her die a slow painful death. Missing her is not something he can control. Nor should he.

Keeping the memory of her alive for his children is so important. He is now the only link left of the family they once had.

He can love you and still love her. Ya know? You cannot replace her...ever. Nor should you try. You are a part of the next phase of his life. Rejoice in the fact that you married a man that loves so deeply, that even death does not stop it. That is the love he now shares with you.

I agree with the above^

It is not reasonable or fair on your part to expect your husband and his children forget their wife/mother and not speak of her. 5 years might seem like a long time to you but for them it isn't, they still miss her and probably always will. His children aren't being selfish, you are IMO.

My father died 20 years ago and I still talk about him often and miss him terribly. My mother never remarried but if she did, I would still talk about my father no matter how her new husband felt about him.

You are his wife you are his new life and future, but you can't erase his past. He sounds like he had a wonderful marriage. So you probably got very lucky that he knows how to be a great husband.

I know you don't want to hear it but it could be worse, you could be dealing with a very much alive nasty ex wife making his life h3ll at every turn, and he'd have 50% less financially than he does now, would that be better? Instead of his kids talking about her she would literally be there. Count your blessings.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-01-2015, 11:56 AM
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Re: My husband is having trouble moving forward from late wife

It is reasonable to ask them to have some consideration for OP.


My hb's, parents were married 53 years until she passed away. Dad is now remarried and my hb would never be rude enough to talk incessantly about his mom as it relates to their marriage around his wife. She's a super nice lady but it's just common courtesy. He can speak to his dad privately about anything he wants, and hb would tell you the same thing.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-01-2015, 02:10 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you everyone for your advice. I realize he is a wonderful loving man that does love Me and he is a committed man, I wouldn't take that from his children that are grown adults , all I asked is that they do not reminisce around me or bring me to places that are not my cup of tea.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-02-2015, 07:46 AM Thread Starter
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I'm grateful she is deceased and not an X. But it doesn't mater if it's and X or a past love. Starting over its easy. The old friends he had when they were a couple chose to disconnect from him b/c they didn't care for me b/c I wasn't like the late wife. My response was. How the heck would want to be someone else anyway. He was devastated to discover the truly never were true friends to begin with. He express to them he didn't want another her he want to meet a completely diff personality of a woman. They didn't approve so they ostracized him out of the friend circle, sad. His kids also disapprove b/c he is happy now and he was seriously depressed when he was married to her. It just sad all the way around
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