Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work?? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Self-Help Marriage & Relationship Programs This section is for talking about the various programs available for do-it-yourself relationship help and marriage advice.

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post #16 of 28 (permalink) Old 09-08-2008, 09:40 PM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

I bought Dr. Ellen's tapes for both my husband and myself. I thought they offered really great advice and would recommend for anyone to listen.

Unfortunately my husband wasn't open to them and didn't listen to all of them. If he did I believe it would help us. Maybe it was the timing...ask your spouse first rather than just give them to him (especially a strong-willed male) But they DID help me to understand how men think and feel...gave me a whole new perspective.

I also called Dr. Ellen and talked with her. She was very good, and although I didn't heed her advice of how to deal with my cheating husband, she was still very helpful.

Thanks Dr. Ellen for your excellent advice!!

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post #17 of 28 (permalink) Old 03-27-2009, 08:04 PM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

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Originally Posted by Chris H. View Post
I'm pretty sure Dr. Ellen (LightYourFire) offers some free advice through email. At least she told me she did a few months ago... maybe I can get her to post here...
I emailed for some simple advice (should I share the program with my husband) and got an email response saying I could purchase counseling. I purchased the cd's (both sets) and can't even get them to tell me if it would be wise to give my husband (separated/living in diff cities) the series since he is not interested in restoring the marriage. So I just listened to the cd's and made my own judgement. She talks (in the mens' section) WAY too much about how to please the wife or gf - and since mine has a gf I don't really want to help her get the best of him.

Last edited by K'Lynn; 03-27-2009 at 08:29 PM.
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post #18 of 28 (permalink) Old 03-30-2009, 10:54 PM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

Dear K'Lynn,
I do give advice by email if the situation is simple. In a case where a husband has a girlfriend and you are living in different cities, the situation is much too complicated to be dealt with in an email. When I feel that I can't give sound advice without asking more questions and probing deeper, then I let them know that I am available for a phone consultation. I have been doing this a long time and I can usually get to the bottom line in a half hour but always leave an hour open in case I need it.

Your husband has it in his head that he would be better off with this other woman, but as they spend more and more time together and you get stronger and more independent, he will regret what he is doing. The universe and God do not put an importance on time. We are the ones who want things to happen now without learning and growing. For now, use the information on friends, family, co-workers and even total strangers. I want you to use it on your husband when you know in your heart it is absolutely the right time. Your judgment was 100% correct. At this point he is not ready to listen to anything that will restore the marriage. It is you that has to come from a deep place of love and confidence and then your whole life will change. You are on a journey and you will have to see where it takes you.

I want you to know that 95% of affairs do not work out. I think you have been competing with a fantasy for a while now. When he confides in this other woman, there are no bills to pay and no daily responsibilities. There is only a sympathetic ear, listening to his problems and then validating his feelings. He has only been with her a short time and each of them is seeing the other's best behavior. An affair is only fun when it provides an escape. When there is no longer anything to escape to and they are together 24/7 for a long time, that's when he'll realize what a mistake he's making. Right now you need to take a deep breath, relax and keep concentrating on buying yourself time. The more time that goes by without him filing for a divorce, the angrier this other woman will become. Then he will see her true self. No woman wants to date a married man. She only dates him with the promise of him separating from his wife and then getting a divorce. The longer he postpones doing that, the more she will nag him. He certainly doesn't want to be with someone who will continue to question and pressure him.

Your story is not over by a long shot, but there is just no way to speed up time. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer and told that I only had a 20% chance of living in 1991, there was nothing I could do to change the diagnosis and no crystal ball on how much time I really had. I just did everything I could, like changing my diet, exercise, chemotherapy and radiation and then it was in God's hands. I hate to equate your husband to God, but it's up to him whether he changes his mind or not. All you have control over is what you do and don't do.

So no matter how you feel right now and I know it's the fear of losing your husband, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Listening to the program is a giant first step. Also I believe in the power of prayer so if you haven't already done so, sign up on my site and thousands of people will be praying that your husband has a change of heart.

Warmest Regards,
Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D.
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post #19 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 04:08 AM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

Thank you so much for that heartfelt reply, I apologize for being misunderstanding the situation of the email. Your words have given me encouragement and hope, and I have begun to listen to the audios again - for a refresher - and apply what I am learning with my children and friends. The affair supposedly ended when they were caught - she is also married and afraid of getting found out. But I believe they are still talking (they live in separate states) and texting. She is separated, but I don't know if she really wants a divorce. ? Who knows...I am just working on me and seeing where that takes me for now.

Thank you again for your kindness and encouragement!
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post #20 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-18-2009, 04:26 AM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

I was just wondering if there's anyone out there who has tried either Mort Fertel or Dr. Ellen's programs, but was not actually married. My fiance said he needed "space" and walked out suddenly on a long-term (more than 8 years) relationship. I am trying to work on myself, but I really love him and want to us to give it another go.. but I don't know which programs would be appropriate in my situation..
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post #21 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-29-2009, 02:02 PM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

is there anyone out there who is separated, but committed to trying to restart the relationship? help please!
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post #22 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-30-2009, 12:05 AM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

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Originally Posted by susan View Post
is there anyone out there who is separated, but committed to trying to restart the relationship? help please!
thats me to a tee. whats going on susan?

separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7
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post #23 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-01-2009, 06:24 PM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

Was in a long-term relationship for 8yrs, and engaged. He had been through a stressful period at work (same for me); anyway, he suddenly decided that he needed "space". I moved out. He has been in touch since then, but only when he wants attention. I think he still feels something for me, but am not sure.. I am trying to work on myself, but I can't help thinking that I've lost the chance of a wonderful relationship... don't know what to do..
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post #24 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-27-2009, 10:58 AM
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Exclamation Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

Dr. Ellen,
I looked up your site and found the light your own fire series. I really want my husband to use that, but don't feel like it is something I can tell him about without sounding condescending. Do you have any advice for me? I feel that our problems will nearly solve themselves when he is feeling better about himself.
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post #25 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-15-2010, 04:24 AM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

Bummer that no one posted saying "I was in trouble and ___ program helped me save my marriage." There are so many testimonials on Mort Fertel's site - I presume the same on the sites of other programs - but is that 100 successes after working with 50,000 couples? Fertel says in one teleseminar that traditional marriage counseling leads to divorce or an even unhappier marriage 75% of the time, but for all I know, the Marriage Fitness program leads to the same. It's so hard to judge.

I am doing the TeleBoot camp and posting an ongoing review at the Review of Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness thread http://talkaboutmarriage.com/self-he...program-3.html
It rings true at least in so far as I tried to talk for 2.5 years about the crisis that had arisen in my relationship, and although my husband and I were both committed to the marriage at the start of that, neither of us knew what to DO to act on that commitment, and my attempts to make him talk (what I thought was THE way to solve problems) drove him away. So I buy the idea that we need to reconnect as a couple, although what Mort is asking us to do feels like what we were doing when things fell apart - I suspect I will have to set this issue aside PERMANENTLY if I even get another chance with my husband at all. I guess the deal for me is it was only $400 - even the divorce will cost more than that, and my marriage is WORTH far more. And what he's asking me to do is something I didn't try before. So why not? Besides, I like being good to my husband - I love him.

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post #26 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-07-2010, 02:39 PM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

I completed the boot camp/lone ranger in may/june. It has had an enormous positive effect on my relationship. My SO had moved out 2 days after 10 year anniversary. He was hostile and told me it was over and didn't love me any more. We are now spending about 4-5 days together again and also vacation time.
It is not at the level I would like to achieve but I keep plugging away at it.
There is no quick fix as he says and it is a lot of work. I don't think putting a time frame on improvement ( you gave it 7 weeks) is really getting the program totally. He gets into that deeper in the Q&A. States that for endurance and to make this work your goal cannot be to improve your relationship but to improve yourself.
Not trying to be preachy, sorry. I have found that if I just stay focused on doing what he says all of a sudden we sort of have a break through and SO comes closer. I haven't implemented everything, just some.
Like he says you should be proud you are trying. I appreciate your critique of his program, it is informative.
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post #27 of 28 (permalink) Old 11-21-2011, 07:28 PM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

Hi all,
I have been receiving mort's emails since last 1 month and find them really good. To the extent that I feel guilty if I do not join his Tele-boot program. I do not need it that badly and urgently. Is he really that caring with each of his client? Pleas advice. Also I need some feedback about his program. I think the CD buying may be sufficient. Any information?
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post #28 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-03-2013, 11:34 PM
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Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??

If anybody can give me some advice on this. My marriage is in crisis, and I need help. I don't know which course to get.

Alittle background:
My wife feels that she "cannot reconcile as the hurt is too much". She insists on a divorce, which will be coming in another 2 1/2 mths. I am starting to get nervous and worried. I don't want a divorce, I am worried that the changes I have implemented for myself will have no effect on her changing her mind, n I am nervous about what will happen before/during/after the divorce. So you can see, I am on a very tight timeline.

I am a 'Lone Ranger', and after months of scouring online/offline help (ok mainly online), Mort Fretel's programme seem to be most popular and comes up all the time. I stumbled upon this thread and than stumbled on Dr. Ellen's site as well. Now, I am ready to actually 'pay' for one of the course, and I am on a tight budget. Dr Ellen's course is not so expensive, and there is a digital download which is important, as I do not live in the US. But I also do not mind paying for Mort's course and waiting a bit longer to receive the stuff.

I guess I am trying to get more genuine feedback before making a decision. Help?

PS: To either Dr. Ellen or Mort, if you come across this. No offense intended in comparing your programmes. I am sure both your courses are fabulous and help alot of couples out there. I am however on an extremely tight deadline, and an even tighter budget, and have to include the time needed for me to implement what I learn and for my wife to 'react', i need to max the chances of success. Thank you
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