Re: Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program- Work??
I do give advice by email if the situation is simple. In a case where a husband has a girlfriend and you are living in different cities, the situation is much too complicated to be dealt with in an email. When I feel that I can't give sound advice without asking more questions and probing deeper, then I let them know that I am available for a phone consultation. I have been doing this a long time and I can usually get to the bottom line in a half hour but always leave an hour open in case I need it.
Your husband has it in his head that he would be better off with this other woman, but as they spend more and more time together and you get stronger and more independent, he will regret what he is doing. The universe and God do not put an importance on time. We are the ones who want things to happen now without learning and growing. For now, use the information on friends, family, co-workers and even total strangers. I want you to use it on your husband when you know in your heart it is absolutely the right time. Your judgment was 100% correct. At this point he is not ready to listen to anything that will restore the marriage. It is you that has to come from a deep place of love and confidence and then your whole life will change. You are on a journey and you will have to see where it takes you.
I want you to know that 95% of affairs do not work out. I think you have been competing with a fantasy for a while now. When he confides in this other woman, there are no bills to pay and no daily responsibilities. There is only a sympathetic ear, listening to his problems and then validating his feelings. He has only been with her a short time and each of them is seeing the other's best behavior. An affair is only fun when it provides an escape. When there is no longer anything to escape to and they are together 24/7 for a long time, that's when he'll realize what a mistake he's making. Right now you need to take a deep breath, relax and keep concentrating on buying yourself time. The more time that goes by without him filing for a divorce, the angrier this other woman will become. Then he will see her true self. No woman wants to date a married man. She only dates him with the promise of him separating from his wife and then getting a divorce. The longer he postpones doing that, the more she will nag him. He certainly doesn't want to be with someone who will continue to question and pressure him.
Your story is not over by a long shot, but there is just no way to speed up time. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer and told that I only had a 20% chance of living in 1991, there was nothing I could do to change the diagnosis and no crystal ball on how much time I really had. I just did everything I could, like changing my diet, exercise, chemotherapy and radiation and then it was in God's hands. I hate to equate your husband to God, but it's up to him whether he changes his mind or not. All you have control over is what you do and don't do.
So no matter how you feel right now and I know it's the fear of losing your husband, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Listening to the program is a giant first step. Also I believe in the power of prayer so if you haven't already done so, sign up on my site and thousands of people will be praying that your husband has a change of heart.
Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D.