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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-31-2015, 06:48 AM Thread Starter
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mending a marriage without going to counseling

I am wanting to hear from anyone who has successfully improved their marriage without going to marriage counseling. What are the things you have done. What worked, and what didn't work.

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-31-2015, 09:49 AM
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Re: mending a marriage without going to counseling

I know you didn't ask thisnquestion, but what is with the restriction?

I can tell you that without our God-send of a counselor, my wife and I would likely be over.

Only she could communicate to my wife that I had one foot out the door with the other raised and following. My wife would not listen to me to read any books on why sex was important. She simply was not listening about a lot of stuff.

And in fairness, neither was I. The counselor helped us hear each other.

Try without it if you must, but it is sort of like kayaking without an oar.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-31-2015, 10:03 AM
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Re: mending a marriage without going to counseling

We have never had big problems, and have always talked everything out. My husband is open to hearing anything, in any way, from me, so that really clears away a lot of communication hurdles.

Do you want to explain some of your issues, so we can better understand what you would like to improve?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-31-2015, 03:26 PM
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Re: mending a marriage without going to counseling

I am also going through rough times in my marriage. My husband has moved all his belongings to our guest room, even the lamp from his night stand. He refuses counseling so I understand where you're coming from. I don't believe everyone must go to MC to repair their broken marriage. Lay aside your reservations and listen to your spouse. I didn't do that for years and that's why I'm in the situation I'm in now, because I was stubborn and not willing to see what I was doing to my husband. I can't give advice on what specifically to do except LISTEN & make healthy habits like saying "I love you" before you go to bed or making sure you give he/she your undivided attention when they are talking. Show respect and be sincere and courteous. Hear their needs, put yours aside and help your spouse get back on the right track to a loving relationship. Good luck.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-31-2015, 03:43 PM
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Re: mending a marriage without going to counseling

Don't get to comfortable. Many times we get complacent and stop making the effort. Keeping yourself attractive is important as is once in a while surprising each other with small gifts, playful teasing, date nights, flirting and definitely bringing it in the bed room.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-31-2015, 03:54 PM
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Re: mending a marriage without going to counseling

Quote:
Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post

I can tell you that without our God-send of a counselor, my wife and I would likely be over.

Try without it if you must, but it is sort of like kayaking without an oar.
I had already asked my attorney to initiate the D process. My wife asked me to go to one MC session with her.
We had already tried one MC who was in the wrong line of work.
Getting the right MC made a world of difference. I'm still learning of course, but I understand so much more now than I did initially thanks in no small part to good MC.

I would say that good communication is essential. Not necessarily pointing out your SO faults but telling them how you are feeling.
This was one of our biggest problems. I think we both agree that it's not a problem anymore.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-31-2015, 04:38 PM
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Re: mending a marriage without going to counseling

MC didn't work, but I believe that if I'd judiciously applied duct tape, I could have mended my ex. Or at least shut her up.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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