Seen somethin I didn't wanna see - Talk About Marriage
Self-Help Marriage & Relationship Programs This section is for talking about the various programs available for do-it-yourself relationship help and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 27Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 01:00 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

I have a huge weird problem. A few days back one of the guys in my class sent me a link to a porn video he knew I would like cos one of the women on it looks a lot like a pretty hot teacher in the school we go to. So I started watching and almost immediately I had a weird feeling that I had seen her before. At first I thought it was because she looks so like our teacher but then she took off her jeans and I saw a mark and realized it was my Mom from like 25 years back. She had different hair and lots of makeup but definitly her. And she was putting out big time with three dudes who all aren't my Dad. Im pretty sure it must have been made ways before she married my Dad and way before I came along too, but I cant tell any of my friends, I cant tell her, and I definitely cant tell my Dad. Dad is a church minister and I cant imagine what he would do if he ever finds out. He would go totally nuts if he just knew Id seen anythin like it. If I dont tell someone im gunna go crazy. The dude that sent me the link has never seen my mom except in the porno so he didnt know shes my mom.. Noone should see their parents gettin some but Iv seen my mom getting a facefull of AfAm baby-batter and way more. Its in my head and I want it to be kinda cool and sexy but its my mom and so I hate it and dont want it in there cos obviously its so wrong and so weird.

Mikanzer is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 02:53 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 31,415
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Well... almost every woman you see in porn is someone's mother, sister, daughter, etc. That's what it's about.

If it's ok for you to watch porn. Why is it not ok for women to engage in porn for you to watch?
EleGirl is online now  
post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 02:58 PM
Member
 
EllisRedding's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Valhalla (Or the Northeast USA)
Posts: 6,065
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Well... almost every woman you see in porn is someone's mother, sister, daughter, etc. That's what it's about.

If it's ok for you to watch porn. Why is it not ok for women to engage in porn for you to watch?
In all fairness EleGirl, and I understand what you are trying to say, watching your Mom get plowed by three dudes is a bit much (although not clear, OP, was your mom with the 3 dudes at once or just 3 different scenes)?
EllisRedding is online now  
 
post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 03:26 PM
Member
 
Married but Happy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,331
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

That must be traumatic for you, OP. But, people see/do strange things, and often learn from them. Another lesson here: life is full of weird surprises!

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
Married but Happy is online now  
post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 03:27 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Well... almost every woman you see in porn is someone's mother, sister, daughter, etc. That's what it's about.

If it's ok for you to watch porn. Why is it not ok for women to engage in porn for you to watch?
I take your point EleGirl, but its a real big shock when its someone you know. I tried to imagine how I would feel about it if it had been the teacher. Ive known her for a bit over a year now in a completely normal teacher/student scenario and I think it would reinforse how I feel about how hot she is and everything but when it isnt just someone you know but a family member its like a megashock. Its like one thing to know that your parents ever had sex (whch can be weird enough to think about) but a TOTALLY different thing to see what she was doing. with three guys and another woman. I tried to tell myself its ok, ive been there, ive seen that, but it doesnt work like that.

This isnt changing my attitude. i wont stop watching pornos unless i start seeing her in them. kinda hoping it was a onetime deal. When I see a woman in a porno I dont think what a **** she must be. I think how cool it is that she is ok with doing that for a movie but how can i do that when it is my Mom?

I love my Mom and I am proud of her. this han't changed that but it has changed how i see her. It like there is another person as well as my Mom. A side i never would have dreamed of. I think what it is is that ive never been good at keeping secrets from her, and i know that she will somehow sense that i know and i dont want her to cos i think she will be really embaressed and if it is her secret and i have found it that means my Dad can to. plus it would mean she knows i watch quite a lot of porn. I couldnt say I just watched one and you were in it.
Mikanzer is offline  
post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 03:31 PM
Member
 
SecondTime'Round's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,212
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

How does a 25 year old porn video end up as a link on the internet.

This story has been posted before.

If you truly love someone you want that person to have the freedom to become everything they seek. You want your partner to soar, not to imprison them. - Pluto2
SecondTime'Round is offline  
post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 03:31 PM
Member
 
Thor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 8,669
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

I think you should talk to a counselor in person. Someone with a Ph.D. who is a licensed clinical psycologist or a Masters level counselor. LMFT is a licensed marriage and FAMILY therapist with a masters degree and would be good. You can look on their website to see what they specialize in. You'll find many counselors/therapists will list a number of specialties, but you can get an idea of what their primary interest is if they list more unusual things such as eating disorders, fear of flying, etc. I would look for someone who works with families or who has a general practice rather than a niche specialty.

How old are you? If you're in college you have access via the school's counceling or medical clinic for a referral, and your insurance may cover it nicely. If you're in high school it may seem to be a more difficult issue to maintain your privacy from your parents. I would start with your school counselor. When you ask for a referral you don't have to give any details at all. Just say you're having some difficulties dealing with a personal issue and are looking for a therapist or psychologist to talk to. I would avoid using a school counselor as your therapist.

Also, universities may staff their counseling office with graduate students. Imo these people are too inexperienced for your situation (and most situations beyond normal school stresses).

If you are a dependent, your parents' work may provide EAP, Employee Assistance Program, which is totally free and totally confidential counseling with an outside private practitioner. These people would be ideal and easy to use. As a family member you should have access, and nobody will ever know you went. You can look at the employer's website and see if they have info. I would call the EAP office and ask them how you as a dependent can access the services.

You can never unsee what has been seen, but you can learn to understand and accept it.
Thor is online now  
post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 03:33 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Quote:
Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
In all fairness EleGirl, and I understand what you are trying to say, watching your Mom get plowed by three dudes is a bit much (although not clear, OP, was your mom with the 3 dudes at once or just 3 different scenes)?
Trying not to picture it too much but it was 2 dudes at once while the other dude did the other woman, but they swapped about a bit and, there was some heavy girl on girl action too.
Mikanzer is offline  
post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 03:36 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Quote:
Originally Posted by SecondTime'Round View Post
How does a 25 year old porn video end up as a link on the internet.

This story has been posted before.
Just reusing old material i guess. Plenty of sites claim to have 1000s of movies online and thats how.
Mikanzer is offline  
post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 03:56 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thor View Post
I think you should talk to a counselor in person. Someone with a Ph.D. who is a licensed clinical psycologist or a Masters level counselor. LMFT is a licensed marriage and FAMILY therapist with a masters degree and would be good. You can look on their website to see what they specialize in. You'll find many counselors/therapists will list a number of specialties, but you can get an idea of what their primary interest is if they list more unusual things such as eating disorders, fear of flying, etc. I would look for someone who works with families or who has a general practice rather than a niche specialty.

How old are you? If you're in college you have access via the school's counceling or medical clinic for a referral, and your insurance may cover it nicely. If you're in high school it may seem to be a more difficult issue to maintain your privacy from your parents. I would start with your school counselor. When you ask for a referral you don't have to give any details at all. Just say you're having some difficulties dealing with a personal issue and are looking for a therapist or psychologist to talk to. I would avoid using a school counselor as your therapist.

Also, universities may staff their counseling office with graduate students. Imo these people are too inexperienced for your situation (and most situations beyond normal school stresses).

If you are a dependent, your parents' work may provide EAP, Employee Assistance Program, which is totally free and totally confidential counseling with an outside private practitioner. These people would be ideal and easy to use. As a family member you should have access, and nobody will ever know you went. You can look at the employer's website and see if they have info. I would call the EAP office and ask them how you as a dependent can access the services.

You can never unsee what has been seen, but you can learn to understand and accept it.
Thanks Thor. I guess Im being a lot cautious about who I ask for help oficially. I'm 19 and the eldest of 5 (youngest is 4) and i dont want to go official with this unless i know it wont get my Mom into any trouble especially I cant risk my Dad finding out. Also before i even get to the part about seeing my Mom in a porno, i have to tell whoever i talk to about this that i watched a lot of porn and fantasize about a teacher quite often. I know enough about the law in Florida to know that movies like that would have been legally termed obscene back then when it was filmed.

I want to thank all of you that have given your thouhts on this. I need to go think about it a while.

Mik

Mikanzer is offline  
post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 04:00 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Quote:
Originally Posted by Married but Happy View Post
That must be traumatic for you, OP. But, people see/do strange things, and often learn from them. Another lesson here: life is full of weird surprises!
Thanks - Im not saying that it was a lesson learned the hard way, but certainly a way i didnt expect.
Mikanzer is offline  
post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 05:39 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,325
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Why would you keep watching a porno once you recognize your mother as one of the "stars"? That is just gross, if you walked in on her and your father getting it on would you just stand there and stare? RUDE
kristin2349 is offline  
post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 05:55 PM
Member
 
IMFarAboveRubies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 1,467
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

I think you need to have a "talk" with your mom. This is not a secret you will be able to keep for your whole life. Tell her while you are calm. Otherwise, someday when you are upset, you will blurt it out and do more damage.

Sorry you had to see that. But being your mom or not, you are willingly watching other people's moms, sisters and daughters engaging in sex. Perhaps this might make you look at the whole sex industry differently?
IMFarAboveRubies is offline  
post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 05:59 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 31,415
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikanzer View Post
I take your point EleGirl, but its a real big shock when its someone you know. I tried to imagine how I would feel about it if it had been the teacher. Ive known her for a bit over a year now in a completely normal teacher/student scenario and I think it would reinforse how I feel about how hot she is and everything but when it isnt just someone you know but a family member its like a megashock. Its like one thing to know that your parents ever had sex (whch can be weird enough to think about) but a TOTALLY different thing to see what she was doing. with three guys and another woman. I tried to tell myself its ok, ive been there, ive seen that, but it doesnt work like that.

This isnt changing my attitude. i wont stop watching pornos unless i start seeing her in them. kinda hoping it was a onetime deal. When I see a woman in a porno I dont think what a **** she must be. I think how cool it is that she is ok with doing that for a movie but how can i do that when it is my Mom?

I love my Mom and I am proud of her. this han't changed that but it has changed how i see her. It like there is another person as well as my Mom. A side i never would have dreamed of. I think what it is is that ive never been good at keeping secrets from her, and i know that she will somehow sense that i know and i dont want her to cos i think she will be really embaressed and if it is her secret and i have found it that means my Dad can to. plus it would mean she knows i watch quite a lot of porn. I couldnt say I just watched one and you were in it.
OK, so you have no problem with women doing things like acting in porn.

You love your mom and are proud of her.

I get that seeing your mom in porn can be upsetting. But by your standards there is nothing wrong with her being in porn.

If you feel that there is nothing wrong with porn, then why would tell your father? He probably knows anyway. He's a minister? Sure there is redemption and forgiveness if there is any need for that at all.

In a society where porn is the as normal as Sunday breakfast, I think that they only thing wrong was that you kept watching after you realized it was your mom.

I think the solution here is for you to get it out of your head as much as you can and get just go on living your life.
EleGirl is online now  
post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 06:02 PM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,131
Re: Seen somethin I didn't wanna see

Get some therapy if it gets bad for you. That had to be traumatic.
bandit.45 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome