unknown1221

i am from miami 20 yrs and got involved into a long distance relationship with a man from dominican republic 21 yrs.after getting to know each other over the phone,chatting online,and visits from time to time.we got married in january 11' in the dominican republic.my mother kicked me out of my home so after we got married we moved in together in the dominican republic with his parents,brother,niece....so i start to notice how his sister just walks in on him while he is taking a shower,pooping,comes into our room without knocking,while he is sleeping come and watch and tells me that thats how he used to sleep as a child,sits on his lap,touches his legs,sleeps with him when am not around,sees him buck naked,calls him to the restroom while she is cleaning herself to have a conversation and gets naked infront of her brothers......I CAN GO ON.she is the eldest and i understand that she has helped he mother raise her brothers as a normal sister does and my sisters have done for me.but she goes as far as to request a greeting like if she was my husbands mother,and calls him ''my baby'' and pinches his cheeks and hugs him evertime she sees him like if she is crazy.i feel like this is a great disrespect to me now that he has a wife,for her to have no consideration that iam around.shes 40 and has no husband or kids and i think its about that time for her to have children and treat the how she wishes and let my husband be an adult and treat him like one.i have told him that this bothers me and he has changed somethings but when i told him to tell his sister to stop disrespecting me he hesitated.i would give her gesters to let her know things bother me and she would go on ,couple months passed and than i took the initiative to tell her.me and her dont talk anymore or say hi to each other when she comes over she does things and says thing indirectly to insult me and has gone a far to mock my faith.everything that used to bother me has stopped but me and my husband still argue over who was right or wrong.he feels like there was nothing wrong in that,sometimes i feel like he would rather pick his sister over me.his mother or family dont seem to have a problem with all the sananagans or the fact that it's disrespectful or bother others.i hurts because i have given my trust to this family and have treated the as my own flesh and blood and i feel betrayed by some.i have lost respect for them all.am also mad because our relationship is not the same anymore because of his sister,i feel like she just wants to separte us and get me out of the picture so can do as she desires.he has told me that at times he has felt emabarased of me and of what happened.we have plans of moving to another place...he tells me he wants things to be as they were in the begining of our relationship.dont know if that would be the correct thing to do.please give your honest opinon and some advice how i can mend my relationship with my husband and mend myself.this situation has truly brung out the bad,nastty and angry in me.

Confused_and_bitter

Moving out would be the best thing to do. I hope everything works out for you!
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andie

Is that behavior normal and traditional? While I agree that if you are uncomfortable with it even if it is considered acceptable behavior in his culture, that it should stop, it only hurts your relationship for you to be rigid while he is flexible. No man wants a bully for a wife. When you speak with him about this next time (if there is a next!) be open to what he is saying and really listen. Remember this is the man who you love. Let go of your anger, it will only grow to strangle good feelings.

john1208

Yeah, if that's the way it was before he met you, trying to change it would be a problem, especially if he loves his sister. You have every right to be mad, but that's how they always were. You two need to get out of that house. Me personally, I'd try to get out of that house, and another time, I'd try to make peace with her, otherwise it will drag on, AFTERWARDS.