I'm confused and hurt and need to move forward - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-08-2016, 08:09 AM Thread Starter
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I'm confused and hurt and need to move forward

I'm happily married to a wonderful husband who says he loves me dearly. I recently found out he was viewing naked pictures of women and more likely porn as well. He says it's a guy thing and I just need to relax about it. That I needed to get help to deal with this. That he couldn't help me. I explained to him many years ago how I felt about it and how it hurts me as a woman. He says he will try and never make me feel this way. I just hurt and feel so betrayed. I want to put this past us but I cry all the time if feels like. I always thought I would never feel pain as I do now.. It's killing me inside and I don't know how to fix myself from this. Please help..

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-08-2016, 11:55 AM
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Re: I'm confused and hurt and need to move forward

I don't know if porn is a guy thing. I read more then a few women on this board state some interest in it, so dies that make it a girl thing ?

Sometimes in a marriage it is an all or nothing situation. For example spouse A wants an open marriage, spouse B demands monogamy.

I suggest you both seek out a MC since a serious breech in communication has occurred.

If he does not stop it will destroy the marriage. You will detach, your sex life will dimish, small issues will become big issues, you will rewrite the marriage. You will become at worst stuck and mad, or a Walk Away Wife. Use the advance search function to search this term WAW. Do you have any idea how many guys thread starts "I was blindsided, we had some bumps butni honestly thought we were ok I love this woman and don't want to lose her".

You need to learn how to swing a 2x4. Now is the time to make a big deal of it. Demand a separation or at least separate rooms.

Read some of @EleGirl, @Rosealgow, and @brooklynAnn and @turnea posts. they impressed me with the directness of their thought.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-15-2016, 12:16 PM
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Re: I'm confused and hurt and need to move forward

I hate telling people how to react to things, as everyone is different. But IMO, you shouldn't take it so personal. I look at it, and if naked pics are too much for you, then by your standards some of the stuff I view might make you faint. But I still love my wife dearly, don't view her as a piece of meat, or try to replicate what I see in the bedroom. I think a certain level of viewing can help a relationship by keeping the flame stoked. Maybe you two can come to an agreement about him watching it. Maybe just periodically and when you're not in the house.

That said, if you and him had relations more often, he may not feel the need to watch it.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-18-2016, 10:37 PM
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Im going through the same exact thing but I have only been with my spouse for a Couple years and married for about 4 months. I feel the same betrayed and just down right disgusted at my husband. But we have other problems and the tremendous amount of time and effort he puts into his viewing pleasures is what I believe to be causing our problems. Does your husband give you the attention you need as a woman ? Mine definitely doesn't and Im always trying to please him any way possible in the bedroom and out . I feel for you because I feel so distraught and to know your husband just tells you that your the one who needs help what the heck I cant even fathom how that made you feel be strong I hope you will get through this and maybe you should suggest you both get help and go to counseling I am on that path now and hoping for the best
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