You are going to drag this out and hurt yourself more. Once this stuff starts, it doesn't get better. She's using the separation thing to bang the OM. She knows he isn't going to last, but is with him either way.
I do NOT think she loves you whatsoever. She shows zero remorse.
You will be begging and pleading for her to stay; it will only drive her away.
I'm just going to tell you the truth: you should talk to a lawyer and file for divorce. You don't have to finalize it, but letting her choose and you doing the pick me dance ensures she is gone. And that's great, because now you have a chance to find a woman who won't cheat on you.
Kids and money are excuses for you to dodge doing the obvious right thing and divorcing your cheating wife. I know it hurts. I've been through it. I can tell you that no matter what happens, nothing will ever be the same. You can't have the woman you married. She doesn't exist anymore. You'd be better off starting over with someone else.
I'm sure you won't. I know you don't like to hear all this--- it's true.
One last thing--- separations almost invariably lead to divorce.
I'm very sorry. I know you're hurting. I'd highly recommend some Zoloft. Go see your doctor and tell him you're having anxiety attacks. This will help. I know because I experienced them, too.
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Evinrude58 hit the nail right on the head. In every thread I have read, if the cheater asks for a trial separation they use it to further their affair with out their Betrayed Spouse in the way. Where did she stay in the initial separation? That's right with him. Now she is staying with friends, but still works with him. And as long as they are in contact with each other at work, this thing will continue.
Trying to reason with her, giving her space, crying in front of her, begging her, are all things that have to stop now. It makes you look weak and needy in her eyes, and makes the AP look even better. You have to stop accepting these halfhearted crumbs she is throwing you. You need to make it plain to her she's either all in or all out.
I also agree there seems to be no love for at all, there can be no love without respect and she has non for you. So, go to a lawyer and file for divorce. Tell her you have decided the separation is a No Go. That you are not going to have your wife flaunt another man in your face. She must be shown consequences. Then you lay out what you would need from her to try to rebuild trust and make you believe she really wants to save the marriage and stop the impending divorce.
1) She quits the job ASAP, she can get a job sacking groceries at Kroger till she can find another teaching job. 2) She is to write a No Contact email to other man, that is to be read and approved by you before being sent. 3) You get all access to her electronics including pins and passwords. 4) GPS tracking on her phone is to be on at all times. 4) She must go to Individual Counseling to strengthen her boundaries. 5) She is to write a complete timeline of the entire affair from start to finish, so you know what it is your trying to forgive. 6) She must tell her parents, and you yours, or other close trusted family for moral support. 7) You and her both must go for STD testing.
Put consequences on her for her horrible actions. If she is truly interested in repairing your marriage these requirements will be no problem for her. You can later stop the divorce if she is truly working hard to do everything you need to rebuild with her. If she is truly checked out she will refuse, in which case the divorce moves forward and you get yourself free. You must stand up for yourself here. I know these things sound like the opposite of what you feel you should do, but you have to willing to lose the marriage to save it. When showing this kind of strength and conviction in front of her it will command respect from her.
If you continue to limp along, then you are going to lose her anyway. Don't cry in front of her, don't beg or plead, do not negotiate with her. Lay down the list above as what you need from her to try to repair trust and stick to it. You also need to implement the 180, which is designed to detach you emotionally from her so you can move forward with strength and not be manipulated by her halfhearted commitments. Stay strong.