This happened to me. With my ex.
His own business, HIS toys...boat, camper, trips, etc... Me and kids not invited to go and when I made a stink about it I was just being petty and stupid. It just got worse and worse.
I went to marriage counseling, invited him but he declined because I was the one with a problem. It was good for me....counselor told me pretty much what I already knew, but needed to hear. She said that I felt powerless because I felt unheard. (So true!) She said since he wasn't concerned about the relationship, and absent from the family that actually I had all the power I needed. She said to set a mental time limit, figure out if I wanted to stay living like that or get a divorce. I mentally gave it a year, and continued working on our relationship with what little I could do.
I too was a single mom. I instituted family night. My 5 kids were all teens at the time and not thrilled. I invited ex to join us (f-ing ridiculous to have to invite him to join his own family)....he declined every time. Sometimes he said he already had plans "maybe next time"....and sometimes he'd say he was too tired and would be in bed when we went out, but gone when we got back. Nice.
Anyway....of course there is a lot more to this story, but after about six months he left. He actually SNUCK out. The pathetic part is that I didn't notice he was gone for 3 days. That's the day he came in while I was working and took his alarm clock.
It's ok tho.... more than ok. The peace and calm that fell over the home was awesome. It was the best thing he could have ever done. We talked after that....he wanted to "explain"....excuses and bs. He was just done being married, too much hassle with the kids, the house is a mess, etc... I was mostly pissed, because the house wasn't a mess and he never lifted a finger anyway. The kids were a hassle, no male role model (or worse, a crappy male role model), but he didn't help me address any kid issues. He talked at one point about taking the boys with him. Hilarious! He wouldn't know what schools they even went to, who their doctor was, who does what...he didn't know them at all.
I did think that he would be a decent weekend daddy, which is more than what they had. Because he likes to be the "good time guy". That didn't happen. He just stayed gone. 10 minutes away, but gone. He'd call and ask if I needed money about once a month and I'd always say "Yes, I do. It's child support. I need the amount we agreed on." Nothing was on paper, but I went online and figured out how much to ask for considering what I thought he would give....it worked out alright for about a year. I also got a roommate....another single mom who was in dire need of a place to live. A sort-of friend. Not the ideal situation, but doable.
He was a PITA about the divorce. It was a few years before I filed, did it all myself had to have him served because he never returned any of the paperwork I sent him. Didn't need a lawyer because we had nothing to divide. We had no issues about anything... we'd been separate long before we actually split!
He told me in "our talks" about how I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he loved me. I just told him that his way of showing love really sucked. Over is over. He just didn't want it anymore.
I've since remarried and moved 1100 miles away. I invited all of my kids to move with me, but they were "so grown" they didn't need their mom.
About a year later, they all moved here. My H is wonderful, our teamwork is just right, I am happy with my life, and the influence he brings to my kids and now my grandkids.
They talk to their dad when they fell like it. But they looooooooooooooove their mom! They know who was the sane parent and who ran away. I never trash talked him to them, and I still don't. There is so much that they don't know. They are going to his wedding this summer.... they told me, Dad is marrying Sally (I've met her) I just said, Oh no poor Sally.
That is probably about the meanest thing I've said in front of them. I don't glorify him, I just say nothing unless they ask.
Sooooooooooooooooooooo....... I've been there. I would suggest conseling to him. And then go anyway when he turns you down. I'd quit talking about the relationship, it's on your mind but it's just a lesson in frustration if he is rejecting everything. I would start figuring out how to make it without his income. I'd quit relying on him for anything. I'd quit expecting him to be involved or around. I'd make plans and go whether he agreed to come along or not. Plans with the kids, or a night out with others, or by yourself....all of the above actually. I'd start planning on how to increase my income and downsize my bills. I'd start keeping track of financials and titles for all marital property, start doing the homework...reading up on divorce in your state and figuring out HOW you can do it alone if you need to.
It's all doable. And....it gets better. Find a support group....in real life, not just online (altho those help too! That is how I met my H!)