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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-20-2016, 04:12 AM Thread Starter
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flirting harmless or not?

Whenever my husband and I go out drinking with friends and he meets up with an old school female friend he ends up flirting with them and then tells me what he said to them like ' I told her she would still look good in a short pair of shorts' or 'she's such an amazing beautiful woman don't you agree?' then he says its just him being friendly and polite and there's nothing wrong with it. It feels strange and he has done this a few times in our marriage which always ends in a fight with him dumbfounded as to what he did wrong but we rarely go out because of this. Am I being over dramatic and jealous? He did have a brief online affair a few years ago which he also didn't seem to think was a real affair and that he was just being silly playing a bit of a game due to boredom and loneliness as I was often working at night. Any thoughts on how to handle this? I feel like I cant put up with this anymore and wonder if I should. He is trying so hard to be nice to me at the moment but I cant look at him or be near him and he thinks I'm just moody and will get over it.

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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-20-2016, 06:20 AM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

Next time you are in the mall comment on every attractive male and what he is wearing and see how he likes it.
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-20-2016, 07:10 AM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

Ask him what he thinks he is accomplishing by not only flirting with these women, but then telling you???

Also, try the same on him, start flirting with dudes, let them know how big their "package" is, and then tell your H.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable (which it would for me) don't tolerate his behavior
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-20-2016, 10:23 AM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

Tell him that you agreeing with him about these women wouldn't vindicate his obvious flirting and need for attention. He's just being polite - no the polite thing to do is not to comment on people's bodies. That is way too personal. And, if he is really just into pumping egos then he can start with yours.
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-20-2016, 10:31 AM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

What's an online affair?

Anyways, the correct way of handling this is to just tell him his comments and general behavior with other women makes you very uncomfortable and you;d like him to stop. If he doesn't or cannot, then the issue is his inability or unwillingness to respond to your needs. That way, you stay away from the "Am I being overly jealous or possessive" sand trap....it;s not about that, it's about your feelings and needs which regardless of how you interpret them are still going to be there anyways.
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-20-2016, 10:37 AM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

Is he a fashion designer?? (I'm joking)
He shouldn't be saying those things about her unless he's a clothing manufacturer!

Yeah you have every right to be jealous of him complimenting her and not you. I would be irritated by the comments as well.







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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-21-2016, 03:42 PM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

He isn't flirting, he is fishing and then rubbing your nose in it.

Is he this immature in other areas of his life?
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-21-2016, 03:54 PM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

Yep, complimenting other ladies bodies with your W standing there will get you far. Sorry, your H is a cad.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-21-2016, 03:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

thankyou
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-21-2016, 07:33 PM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

Insecure people do what your husband is doing. It's to make HIM feel better about himself, sadly. I'd tell him you read that somewhere.

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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-21-2016, 07:37 PM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

I only read the title. No flirting is harmless.

ETA: More correctly, no flirting by a married person is harmless, or by any person in an exclusive relationship.

Last edited by 225985; 06-21-2016 at 07:48 PM.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-21-2016, 07:49 PM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

Flirting is never harmless in a marriage unless you are flirting with your spouse.
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-21-2016, 07:56 PM
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Re: flirting harmless or not?

It's dipping the first toe. Frankly it's disrespectful.
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-22-2016, 03:55 AM Thread Starter
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Online affair I guess means he and her (from the Phillipines) texted eacother and he said sexual passionate things to her and said he loved her and made up stories about either being single or having marriage problems and said he wanted her to come to Australia to.be together then he ended it when she ssked for money
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-22-2016, 04:05 AM Thread Starter
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No but does have problems communicating and can get angry and frustrated easily.in certain situations and can say inappropriate things like we all grew up knowing what to say in certain situations he often shocks and says what people are thinking but wouldnt dare say
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