No I'm not religious. But getting a divorce would be absolutely devestating. Also I feel like a huge reason divorce rate is so high is because it's easier for people to run away and start over instead of stick to it, work as hard as you can, and hopefully come out better and stronger together. Every marriage I've seen was aweful. I thought I made all the right steps to find a good man for me. My father constantly cheated on my mom and eventually just left her and my sisters and I for a new family. He lived an hour away and never spoke to us. My mother continued the pattern and married a nicer version of my father, but still not good. My sisters, same thing. They settle because they don't want to be alone. I'm good on my own, have been since I was 17. I have always been aware that I would follow in their footsteps unless I made a concious effort not to fall for the wrong guy. That's why I feel like somewhere I failed. Even though our marriage wasn't rushed, we waited until we were ready. I have been in therapy since I was 17....I have a lot of family issues. I am incredibly self conscious and don't know how to set boundaries. These are all things I am still currently working on. My husband has always helped me though therapy and cheered me on though. A huge part of me really thinks he can change. I know he wants to because he doesn't want to lose me. I still think a lot of it has to do with his immaturity and self confidence. Until he accepts responsibility and starts to change, instead of just saying sorry and telling me things will get better, I'm on the fence. I need to know he can change for us to move forward.
You don't have to make the choice to divorce today. But you've discovered his dark side. We all have one, and the sooner we wrestle with it, understand it and incorporate it into who we are the better.
The question is, can you live with who he really is. And you can't answer that, because all you've seen is glimpses. Drinking isn't a get out of jail free card. Drinking lowers inhibitions, but the person you see is a reflection of the drunks real personality. They may not like that persona, but it's real.
You know he is an accomplished actor. He hid this side of himself for years (or you dismissed the signs). Either way, you can't trust what he says. Only judge him by his actions and what he does.
What you can do for now is make it clear what you will and won't tolerate. Separate your finances. Make a clear plan for how you will separate if he crosses your boundaries.
You can't be sure of what he will do. But you can be sure of what you will tolerate, what you won't and what you will do if he crosses those lines.
He may surprise you and actually take notice and work on himself. Or he may paint you as the villain. If he does this, do not have kids. Don't get yourself any more entangled with him. Only after a year or more of him actively working on himself, discovering who he is and making changes to better himself should you even consider that.