We dated for over three years before we got married. We lived together for 1.5 of that too. I knew I wouldn't marry until I really knew the man and that he was a good man. That's why this is all so hard for me. If it doesn't work out I will feel so foolish, just another girl with daddy issues that picks the wrong guy. Plus it would be 4 years wasted.
I think you wanted him to be a good man for you and ignored some red flags in the process.
I'd rather be a girl with daddy issues who left at 4 years than a girl with daddy issues who left after 6 or 8 or 20 and a kid or two.
I know none of this is good. I'm hoping a lot of it is unnatural on his part. Trying to seem "cool". I am his first actual girlfriend.
Also I won't get pregnant, I have an IUD so no oops will happen.
Thanks for everyone's comments. Although, they don't necessarily make me feel better, it is putting things into better perspective. Still scary though....
Frankly, the fact that he had sex with multiple prostitutes and zero actual relationships before you are red flags.
Being married and over 25, bragging about paying for sex to seem cool, and acting inappropriately with female friends are two more red flags.
Should I show my husband this forum so he fully understands or just wait until we go to counceling?
No I'm not religious. But getting a divorce would be absolutely devestating. Also I feel like a huge reason divorce rate is so high is because it's easier for people to run away and start over instead of stick to it, work as hard as you can, and hopefully come out better and stronger together. Every marriage I've seen was aweful. I thought I made all the right steps to find a good man for me. My father constantly cheated on my mom and eventually just left her and my sisters and I for a new family. He lived an hour away and never spoke to us. My mother continued the pattern and married a nicer version of my father, but still not good. My sisters, same thing. They settle because they don't want to be alone. I'm good on my own, have been since I was 17. I have always been aware that I would follow in their footsteps unless I made a concious effort not to fall for the wrong guy. That's why I feel like somewhere I failed. Even though our marriage wasn't rushed, we waited until we were ready. I have been in therapy since I was 17....I have a lot of family issues. I am incredibly self conscious and don't know how to set boundaries. These are all things I am still currently working on. My husband has always helped me though therapy and cheered me on though. A huge part of me really thinks he can change. I know he wants to because he doesn't want to lose me. I still think a lot of it has to do with his immaturity and self confidence. Until he accepts responsibility and starts to change, instead of just saying sorry and telling me things will get better, I'm on the fence. I need to know he can change for us to move forward.
Part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is that people make mistakes when they marry and often choose a spouse they are not actually compatible with.
Your mom seems to have stayed in a bad marriage. The way you phrase it, he
even though he was the one who was behaving badly. Wanna bet she was thinking along the same lines you are? Don't be your mom and stay in a bad marriage hoping it/he will change.
People who are immature and lack self confidence are a large portion of the cheater population. They way he's behaved with female friends and how he brags about having sex with hookers should tell you that he lacks boundaries, lacks respect, lacks empathy, and is the kind of guy you need to keep an eye on.
Some men and women who are immature and lack self confidence never grow up or become more confident. If you're hearing "I'm sorry. It'll get better." and it's not actually getting better, it's time to hop off the fence.