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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-18-2016, 11:22 AM
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Re: Wife cannot overcome my past relationship

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Originally Posted by jorgegene View Post
My wife will not share here, but to be fair, I will speak on her behalf as well. She feels cheated that I did not inform her fully that there were good moments in my past relationship. Now that she is married, she feels trapped. She would have avoided me, if she had known everything. Also I kept on checking out facebook profile of my ex, even when I was going out with my wife, before marriage. I have not done that since I got married.
wait just a cotton pickin minute.

this makes no sense. there are almost always good moments in past relationships otherwise they wouldn't endure. what does she expect?
she would have avoided you if she had known there were good moments in your past relationship? and she feels trapped by what exactly? WTF????

this needs elucidation[/QUOTE]

I suspect that's not really what she says. That's what he hears and is posting, but if she were here that's probably not what she thinks.

She feels like a consolation prize. I think norajane's question about whether she knew about him checking the ex's fb page is relevant. I can see how finding that out after marriage would make her feel like he settled.
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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-19-2016, 11:05 PM
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Re: Wife cannot overcome my past relationship

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Originally Posted by TAM2013 View Post
I'd have a little re-dig around her sexual history and the dudes on her Facebook page if I were you.

Sounds like projection to me.
I agree. She is projecting her anxiety on to you. Is she being unfaithful herself?

She sounds very insecure.

She may have strong fears of abandonment. Was her childhood stressful?

Maybe her father or mother left the marriage.

Did former boyfriends dump her?

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-20-2016, 05:00 AM
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Re: Wife cannot overcome my past relationship

just do the woman thing and tell her anything before this relationship is none of her business.

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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-20-2016, 09:55 AM
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Re: Wife cannot overcome my past relationship

How long did you know her before you got married and was it long distance? Do you have any children?

You seem to be entertaining the idea that she has the right to harass you about this relationship. Please be assured that it is not about your past relationship but about the present one and a problem that she has. Thats what you should focus on.

She has no right press for details and demand you destroy your ex who has nothing to do with her. You were transparent and told her about the relationship from the start, she decided to continue the relationship with you.

If it was a problem for her she should have moved on to someone else. I say this to convince you that it is not about the ex. It is something basic about her. It's hard to believe that she is so unreasonable in one ares and not in many others. Can you reassess your relationship and be honest with yourself. You had a 12 yr relationship that was not intimate as you had hoped.

The fact tat it lasted more than 2 months says something about your picker, it seems way off. My suggestion is to approach this totally differently. Deal with it as a psychological problem that she needs to resolve and don't talk about your 12 yr relationship.

It's finished and there is no more to say. Get her to see a IC and you see one too. Make it clear to her that the talk about this ex is over and the time has come to resolve both your issues.

Don't have children if you have not already. Make a plan and give a set period of time for a successful resolution. Reassess at that time. If you have done the work on your problems during that time, the solution with be obvious.

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Last edited by Catherine602; 08-20-2016 at 05:18 PM.
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 08:31 AM
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Re: Wife cannot overcome my past relationship

Who cares about why she is doing this? Maybe you are in the wrong, maybe not. The issue here is that she is abusing your and her behavior is unacceptable. Do not stay in an abusive relationship.
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