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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 03:59 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Wife's affair

Seven years ago my wife had an affair with a co-worker. Needless to say I was/am devastated and went through all the "typical" thoughts and questions described by most men on this site. With much effort on both of our parts, we have stayed together and my wife says that she feels our marriage better than ever. However, I am plagued by the fact she has not had an orgasm during intercourse since the affair. She says that it is not a big deal to her and for me not to dwell on it. It has gotten to the point where I find myself consumed by the the thought of her last orgasm via intercourse was from another man. Maybe its an emotional issue on her part but I feel that if she were truly emotionally satisfied in our marriage she would at least orgasm periodically through intercourse like she used to. I find myself needing this validation from her. I have tried to discuss this with her 3 times but she basically clams up and if I push her on this she states that me discussing this puts pressure on her. Any suggestions for me?

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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 07:11 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

You might want to have this thread moved to a mrve active forum like General, but in the meantime, have you two had marriage counseling? That's where you probably should start.

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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 08:03 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

I'd start with a sex therapist, and since she clams up to you I would insist on b wings there so you know exactly what the therapist is told and what they said.

It seems very strange that she could be still carrying a torch for this OM co worker so maybe it has something to do with guilt or shame she feels.That might explain her clamming bump to you.

Your post says nothing about you being concerned about any other OM so a professional is probably your best bet.

I would not accept her saying it is OK and to not worry about it.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 02:32 AM
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Re: Wife's affair

Consulting marriage counseling would be the right idea if you are facing any issue in your married life.

Last edited by emmasmith; 09-09-2016 at 02:52 AM.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 02:38 AM
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Re: Wife's affair

OP please give us more information that the backstory and more information on what's going on nowadays come on..???
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 05:37 AM
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Re: Wife's affair

How old are you?
I'm asking because sometimes hormones can play a huge factor.
Many women do not have an O from just intercourse.
It could be that age is playing into it and you guys might need to find other ways.
Have you been to marriage counseling re the affair? Are there any outstanding issues from that that might be getting in the way?


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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 11:55 AM
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Re: Wife's affair

I'd recommend an intensive round of divorce therapy.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 12:14 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

I'm tempted to agree with Gus.

Sometimes, when a woman gives herself to another man she can never reconnect sexually with her husband. It is a hard fact, but it happens.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 12:27 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

She can't make herself feel like an orgasm. She could fake it, I guess, but is that what you want?

I don't think it's ok that she feels this way. Not saying she can help it, but there's clearly a problem there, in my thinking. And I think that this will keep eating at you. I would think about why I was staying in the marriage, and what I would do if it doesn't improve. (I'm not trying to say "call your divorce lawyer" there, though that is obviously an option. In my case I stayed married for the kids, so I was willing to accept that not everything would be perfect with my wife.)
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 12:31 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

It would bug the hell out of me if I were in your shoes. I think Gus has the best remedy.
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 12:43 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

Sadly, some waywards can never come back fully. They will never be that same person they were before the affair, and I think this is what has happened to OP's wife. She has lost her intimate connection with him and is not able to give herself totally to him. She's giving him sex to do her duty, not because she is enjoying it.

The big red flag here is when she says "not a big deal to her"...

That's bad, very bad.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 12:58 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Sadly, some waywards can never come back fully. They will never be that same person they were before the affair, and I think this is what has happened to OP's wife. She has lost her intimate connection with him and is not able to give herself totally to him. She's giving him sex to do her duty, not because she is enjoying it.

The big red flag here is when she says "not a big deal to her"...

That's bad, very bad.
I know, right?

It was clearly a pretty big deal to her at some point.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 01:25 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
I know, right?

It was clearly a pretty big deal to her at some point.
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Well it just comes down to her only having sex with him out of duty. She's essentially settled down to being his wh0re, not his wife and lover.

What kind of man wants to settle for that? Sex with zero intimacy and reciprocal pleasure? How the hell is that supposed to be emotionally or physically satisfying?
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 01:39 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Well it just comes down to her only having sex with him out of duty. She's essentially settled down to being his wh0re, not his wife and lover.

What kind of man wants to settle for that? Sex with zero intimacy and reciprocal pleasure? How the hell is that supposed to be emotionally or physically satisfying?
Agreed.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 05:43 PM
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Re: Wife's affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
She's essentially settled down to being his wh0re, not his wife and lover.

What kind of man wants to settle for that?
Hmmmmmm.........

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