Should I fix myself first before MC? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:50 AM
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Re: Should I fix myself first before MC?

Give yourself some time to loose the weight. 2-3 months. If your spinning your wheels and getting nowhere consider a program like Jenny Craig. Try some hobbies that are more physical... hiking, biking, etc. do you have any guy friends? Consider some male bonding over some physical hobbies. It's important to have fun and laugh a little... yes your trying to get your health back on track but having fun in the process is a huge motivator. Maybe consider doing a couch to 5k program, you can find them on the computer.

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post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:14 AM
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Re: Should I fix myself first before MC?

It took me 2 years to lose 40 pounds... change in diet alone, you simply have to have the patience to get used to removing fats and sugars, dialing back the portions, and eating better things.

Gyms motivate many, but I don't much care for them... if you find a place where you are naturally in-sync with places like a park, porch, gym... I've begun to see some exercising in their church even, I think if your mind is free to move, your body will follow.

You've got new shoes... new paths await you.

Inspiration rules... I find writing in a journal helps me let go of the things that don't serve me, then I go for a walk anywhere for 30 minutes without thinking where my destination is. The fun part is where I find myself and how I am going to get myself back home!

नमस्ते 🙏
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post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:22 AM
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Re: Should I fix myself first before MC?

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Originally Posted by m00nman View Post
The concert went well. It was probably the best day I've had in the longest time. I felt like a human being and not a shut in. Things have settled down a little but I'm still feeling quite blue most of the time. My wife and I have yet to show any interest in entering the "get to know you again" phase but I got to meet and greet and chat with the artist and met a couple of friends and shared some enjoyable face to face conversation which lifted my spirits and left me feeling mildly inspired. I still need to work on me though. Newton's third law: a body at rest wants to stay at rest.
That one is Newton's first law.

Third law is action reaction.

Sorry, couldn't let that one go
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post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 11:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Should I fix myself first before MC?

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How is the weight? Are you getting to the gym at all?
I need to lose at least 20 pounds, reduce my LDL and lower my BP. My father had a heart defect and my family has a history of high cholesterol so he died extremely young from a heart attack. I'm actually older than he ever lived to be so mortality is ever on my mind. I don't want my kids to grow up without a father like I did. The doc took an EKG but didn't speak to the results and recommended exercise and to take Omega 3 but I'm anticipating that he will eventually prescribe a statin when I go back in a couple of months. Physically speaking, apart from throwing my back out a couple of times I have also suffered from plantar fasciitis (sp) and other types of foot pain for several years now so I shy away from high impact activities but I've found that the shoes I wear and a good set of Dr. Scholl's really help me get up and around more.

We have a family membership at the gym which my wife wants me to cancel in order to save money. I'm pretty much the only person who uses it regularly - but not consistently - and my wife attends several exercise classes elsewhere. When weather is nice I prefer to do things outside like walking or bicycling but with the weather being what it is I am in need of an indoor alternative. We don't have the space for a proper exercise room at home and motivation has always been a sticking point with me.

Attending my wife's classes is not an option because they are too intense and since she doesn't have a hobby this serves as her "personal" time - something that I don't agree with but any contention would be met with contention. Instead, I'm thinking of changing the family membership to an individual membership which would cost about half. There are other areas where we can cut spending and if the family wants to use the facilities - which is rare - then we can purchase daily guest passes as needed.
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post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 11:13 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Should I fix myself first before MC?

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
Give yourself some time to loose the weight. 2-3 months. If your spinning your wheels and getting nowhere consider a program like Jenny Craig. Try some hobbies that are more physical... hiking, biking, etc. do you have any guy friends? Consider some male bonding over some physical hobbies. It's important to have fun and laugh a little... yes your trying to get your health back on track but having fun in the process is a huge motivator. Maybe consider doing a couch to 5k program, you can find them on the computer.
TBH a lot of it is water weight. I go through a weekly cycle of gaining/losing 5 pounds with weekends being "cheat" days that I really don't need. It's a discipline thing because our social life centers around food.

As for hobbies, I used to be an avid bicyclist. Growing up I was actually underweight and if food wasn't available I didn't think about it. In the spring and fall (when the weather is still nice and I have nothing pressing on my schedule) I like to take about 2-3 hours and ride 30 miles - again not with consistency. As with shoes, I have a good bike that has served me well for years and I pay to have professionally dialed in every season. During the winter I try to replace that with use of the elliptical or stationary bicycles but again, there's little space at home to have one here. If there were any "low footprint" options I'm open to any ideas.

For the past few months I've been trying to walk at least 5K steps a day but running is a "no" as it is too high impact. I prefer to just walk briskly and the terrain is sufficiently hilly that I can build up a slight sweat. For motivation I like to listen to podcasts on my phone. As for goals, my wife does have a friend who talks us into bicycling events and I notice that the local bike shop coordinates group bike rides on Sunday mornings. That could be something to look into.
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post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 11:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Should I fix myself first before MC?

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It took me 2 years to lose 40 pounds... change in diet alone, you simply have to have the patience to get used to removing fats and sugars, dialing back the portions, and eating better things.

Gyms motivate many, but I don't much care for them... if you find a place where you are naturally in-sync with places like a park, porch, gym... I've begun to see some exercising in their church even, I think if your mind is free to move, your body will follow.

You've got new shoes... new paths await you.

Inspiration rules... I find writing in a journal helps me let go of the things that don't serve me, then I go for a walk anywhere for 30 minutes without thinking where my destination is. The fun part is where I find myself and how I am going to get myself back home!
See my above post for the bicycling option. It's something that I'm hoping to include my wife in. I'm hoping to get my younger son into it to help with his ADHD.

As for inspiration, my wife and I use a fitness tracker that allows us to count caloric intake and exercise. I fell out of the habit this past week so I need to get back into it. I was doing better but fell into another "mini funk" after catching a cold.

Other than that, I find riding to be inspiring. There is a stretch of former rail line that passes through a region of farmland that has bridges and tunnels and wide fields under open sky that makes me feel free. Every now and then I will mount my smart phone on the handle bars and capture short videos while I listen to music or podcasts on my earbuds.
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post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 11:21 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
That one is Newton's first law.

Third law is action reaction.

Sorry, couldn't let that one go
Sorry, I'm not all that scientific. My knowledge of science is warped by fiction.
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post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 12:36 PM
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Re: Should I fix myself first before MC?

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Sorry, I'm not all that scientific. My knowledge of science is warped by fiction.


The physics nazis are worse than the grammar nazis.

Drop the family membership but keep yours.
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post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 10:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Should I fix myself first before MC?

I ended up dropping the whole membership. They wanted to rope me into a 6 month contract which would extend into the summer months when I prefer to just ride my bicycle 3X a week before the kids are out of school for the summer. Really, all I was using it for was to use the elliptical trainer and taking the kids to the overcrowded pool in the summer months. I'll look for something else in the fall. In the meantime, I have access to another track that I can use for walking/jogging during rainy weather free of charge.
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post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 12:01 PM Thread Starter
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I've been talking to an IC for about a month now. He's identified that I'm dealing with moderately high depression and anxiety (which surprises me since I am not prone to panic attacks.)

A big point of contention is (of course) my marriage and how I feel my own needs are subverted by my wife's. He has asked to talk to my wife but I don't feel comfortable with that yet. I feel like she would feel I've been throwing her under the bus even though what I've told him is confidential and is just the tip of the ice berg? Is it wrong to feel that way and tell him "no" because I don't want a confrontation?

I'm confused why he would want to talk to her. I'm not looking to change her behavior; she needs her own IC for that IMO, but so far she's found other ways of dealing with her own (self diagnosed) depression. I'm simply trying to address feelings of low self esteem (that predate my marriage, which among other things has admittedly contributed to them) in order to become more self empowered.

It's actually my fear that she downplays my feelings to my IC, or worse uses them as leverage against me in future arguments because honestly a lot of the time I feel like she doesn't care (she actually uses those 3 words rather carelessly when I ask something of her) and other times she'll bit my head off if I catch her in a bad mood over something I had nothing to do with. I have this feeling of "if I don't stick my neck out I won't get my head chopped off." Am I being over sensitive about this?

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